[Page 425]

From left to right: Valenty Beck, Klara Schwartz, Michael Melman after emerging from the ‘Bunker’

[Page 426]

Klara Schwartz, on the evening of entering the ‘Bunker’

From time-to-time there are jumpers appearing in our city. That is the name we give to those who are able to escape by leaping from the death-trains. They have very little to lose. Everyone clearly understood that they were on the road to extermination. It was better to die on the spot if the jump was not successful.

There are times when people jump half naked, and it is necessary to bandage their wounds and clothe them. Rarely does a man succeed in jumping and living without being wounded under these terrifying conditions.

Papcza Fisz is a compassionate nurse, and she is the first to speed to help them. This young lady has a heart of gold, and other young women, including myself, help her. I go with her to the places where it is necessary to bandage the wounded. We also collect clothing and food. The entire Jewish population of the city gives help to any degree they can and the Judenrat gives a little bit of money. I spend most of the hours of the day out of the house, in the hospital or in the city. I tremble with fear that I might be surprised by an Aktion and will also have to become one of the jumpers.

Almost all of the jumpers assemble beside Papcza. They tell us about the terrifying scenes that pervade the death-trains before one decides to jump through the small locked window.

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It is not possible to describe their feelings about the tragedy that affects all of them. They jump in order to save their lives, to flee from the talons of death. And what death awaits him, nobody knows. This is the major question. Parents leave their children in the train car. The jumping children are separated from old parents, husbands leave their wives, brothers cast a parting glance to sisters. Everyone leaves their nearest relative behind.

At the start, the Judenrat began to take an interest in the jumpers by providing the necessary help, but this became more and more difficult. The German police forbade all help and threatened the punishment of death to anyone who had the temerity to try this. The Germans shoot whoever they seize, with no differentiation as to age or standing: an old man or a youth, a healthy person, or a sick or wounded person.

The Jewish population in Zolkiew is seized with fear and terror. They sit and wring their hands over the loss of their family members and relatives, and others are looking to find a way to save their lives. They begin to dig refuges, underground bunkers, where they could hide. They seek refuge and hiding places with Aryans who they know.

There was no place in our house that was suitable for a hideout. My father and Messrs. Melman and Patrontacz somehow begin to prepare two separate refuges. One was in the oil storage building, and the other beside the home of Mr. Melman. We slept at Mr. Melman's house because the jumpers told us that the Germans start early in the morning of an Aktion. If we remained home there would not be an opportunity for us to reach the hideout in the oil-storage building. We felt much more relaxed in the Melman house.

Then came the day we will not forget: November 22, 1942.

Yesterday was the Sabbath, and the Jews of Zolkiew were in a panic. The city was surrounded by the Gestapo. Mr. Patrontacz went outside to the city to get information at 5 AM on Sunday morning. He returned a minute later and ordered us to immediately get out of bed to be ready. He saw two vehicles with Gestapo men, municipal Jewish police, and troops from Lvov, who were all traveling speedily to the marketplace.

Patrontacz left the house again and returned right away because the Aktion was going full force. People were being brought over from the gate which is the entrance to the city. We heard gunshots outside. We saw the Gestapo men through the windows. There no longer was time to reach the oil-storage facility. Mr. Melman ran through the yard in order to warn our neighbors, the Britwitz family. Mr. Melman entered their house in a state of panic, where the family was quietly sitting at the table eating breakfast. They did not know what was going on outside, and before they managed to open the door to their hideout, one could hear the Gestapo men already knocking next door. Melman fled through the back door, Britwitz leaned against and guarded the entry door, standing and waiting, until all the members of his family went down to their hideout, and then he moved away from the door. He began to flee in order to distract the Gestapo men and turn their attention away from his house. He ran, and the Germans ran after him. He was seized and added to the transport, but he succeeded in jumping from the train car and returned to his house after the Aktion ended.

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My parents, my sister Manya and myself, Melman and his wife and their son Igo, Patrontacz, his wife and their daughter Karolina, descended to our refuge located beneath the floor of Melman's house. We sat in the dark. A day went by. Then another day. We did not light candles since there was no air. People took care of their needs in their places.

Toward evening on the second day, Messrs. Patrontacz and Melman risked their lives and went outside. The fact that they returned in a few minutes was a victory in our eyes. The Aktion was still going on and they saw how the neighbor Luchman was shot to death while he fled. We stayed in the hideout for another night and Patrontacz stood watch at the window. Before dawn, he observed that his brother Leib'keh was looking for him and he did not know the exact location of our refuge. Patrontacz called to him. Leib'keh, who was an orderly, came to notify us that the Aktion was over. We remained in the bunker for another hour to be sure it was safe, and then we exited.

We found Aunt Utch'keh with the children and the first of the jumpers, Kahn and Trachtenberg, and Utch'keh's niece in the house.

During the Aktion, Aunt Utch'keh was hiding at Skivicki with her friends and children. A boy suddenly began to cry. He was immediately given a sleep sedative that Aunt Utch'keh had prepared for his younger sister Zusha, but the young girl sat entirely in silence, acting like an adult.

There was a great deal of crying and frightened wailing in the city after the Aktion. Bodies of the Jews who were shot were put into wagons. These people had been unable to flee, or they stood up after the Gestapo men ordered them to kneel on their knees in the marketplace, or they were shot when they jumped from the death-trains. These were corpses of people who the farmers of the area had turned over to the Nazis. They were bodies that froze from the cold, or expired because of hunger. We saw all of this, from that bitter house, crying over the loss of relatives who were exterminated in this Aktion. The Nazis seized Rela's mother, her brother, and sister-in-law. Miraculously her sister-in-law managed to return, but the mother and brother were taken away.

Patrontacz's sister, Pap'keh, suffered a cruel misfortune during the Aktion. She ran with her daughter to a place in the forest, to the home of a customer of hers who did not let them enter her house. Mr. Tauba told us that he saw Pap'keh lying on the ground and hemorrhaging blood. She asked him to pick her up, and she fell again. One of the farmers from Wola Wysocka came with the news about Pap'keh. Her family quickly traveled there, but they did not find any trace of her.

My friend from the Latzter family and her parents were taken in this Aktion. She and her mother jumped from the train-car, but her father did not return.

A week after this Aktion, the Germans decreed that all Jews must enter the ghetto.

[Page 429]

My father decided that we were not going to go to the ghetto. We were going to hide with an Aryan family. The political situation was looking better. We were hopeful that only a few months remained till the end of the war, and up till then, we would have to suffer a bit. The Melman and Patrontacz families were of the same mind. We stayed together.

Mr. Melman reached an agreement with one of the Volksdeutsche named Beck who agreed to ‘rent’ Melman's house and give us a hiding place in his house. Patrontacz's sister Klara joined our group of ten. Mrs. Klara was already a friend of Beck's wife. We enlarged the hideout which was located underneath one of the rooms with a secret cover that hid the entrance. We installed electric lights there, found places for electric sockets, we installed bunks, and steps to the bottom. We passed around information in the city through Melman's brother, Mark, an influential person in the Janow Camp, that we moved to his house in Lvov. This is how we disappeared from view.

It was extremely monotonous living in the hideout. Midday day meals were cooked in partnership upstairs, but breakfast and dinner were prepared below. Everyone bathed according to need once a week upstairs in the kitchen, because it was very cold in the hideout. The Beck family was very kind to us. They had a daughter, Aleh, who worked in the post office. Mrs. Beck had a lovely sister, Mrs. Manya, who came to live in their house. On Christmas Eve we were invited by our hosts to an evening meal. I was very happy there, and we participated in singing Christmas songs. We sang, held discussions, and forgot our worries. However, one time during the night, we had to flee into the hideout because we heard a ringing at the door. But little by little we began to get used to alarms of this kind.

Mr. Beck's brother, Wladek, and his wife came to visit the house on Christmas day. As he was full of wine, Mr. Beck revealed that he was hiding Jews in his house. We had no recourse; what were we to do? If Mr. Beck trusted them, we had no choice but to trust them as well.

Several difficult days passed by. On February 12, Mr. Melman's brother, Herman, managed to find us, and he told us that an individual named Lucki knew where we were hidden. We decided to flee to the ghetto even though we knew that a typhus epidemic was rampant there. In the meantime, Mr. Melman and father took up the task of finding another hiding place for us. My mother went out with Mr. Patrontacz on that same night, and the rest were brought over by uncle Yossek on the following day, in his role as a policeman, as it were, to a place for work.

On an extremely cold day, my father and Mr. Melman found a new hideout in the yard past the oil-storage facility. They returned to the ghetto in order to bring us to the new location. I was terrified by the ghetto so I tried to imagine that I was living in Lvov, while surrounded by barbed wire. Despite this, life hummed around me. People walked about the streets and all of the houses were filled to the brim, with no empty places. It seemed that everyone wanted to eat until they were full, to forget whatever was possible, and not to think about the terrible and terrifying tomorrow which concealed the bitter end. Day-by-day we anticipated an Aktion, so why not enjoy life as long as we were alive?

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The elderly called this the dance of the devils. Living conditions were terrible and terrifying. Several families lived crowded together in one room. Someone was sick with spotted typhus in each room. People were dying, and there was no mourning for them. People's perspectives changed, so that those who died a natural death were envied. It became clear to me that I was lucky because it was possible to return to Mr. Beck. Meanwhile my mother remained in the ghetto in order to sell some of our belongings, but her sister Utch'keh became sick with typhus. My mother did not want to leave her without oversight and care. In despair, I went to the ghetto with Aleh Beck to get my mother out of there, but we were not able to convince her to leave at that time. She returned three days later. In my eyes these three days were a victory. I suspected that my mother would become infected with typhus, and who knew if she would be able to hold on. On the following day, when my mother arrived, our uncle Yossek brought his wife Relah, because a panic arose in the ghetto again due to the talk of another Aktion. To our good fortune, an Aktion did not take place at the time it was expected, but Aunt Relah stayed with us. Uncle Yossek left his son with a working customer and Yossek stayed in the ghetto.

Mrs. Karola also remained in the ghetto in order to take care of her family members, most of whom became ill with typhus. Sadly, Mrs. Karola returned to us alone after her mother died.

Oh, what a terrifying bit of news! There was an Aktion in the town of Mosty'-Wielki. They shot the Jews at the place of assembly, and among them they executed Aunt Git'cheh and her husband, Meir. Omnipotent Gods! How they were envied as they had no children, and they could quietly travel to the same camp that they believed to be a more secure place. And it turned out they had every opportunity to remain hidden. They had money, and there were people who knew them and who wanted to take them into their houses. They chose the camp, and it was here that a fate of strong bitterness fell upon them. But there was no time to sink into despair because despair cannot save us. The only consolation was that Aunt Utch'keh recovered from typhus. She had two small children, and she remained because of them.

There is a good reason for the common saying that calamities always come in pairs. Two days ago, Mrs. Manya, who was living in the former Beck house, came to us. The neighbors had told her that when she had vacated the house, the German gendarmes attempted to enter, certain that Mr. Beck was still living there. After getting his new address from neighbors, Mrs. Manya ran with all her might to warn Mr. Beck. We had just shut the floor entryway to our hiding place when we heard strong knocking. Mrs. Beck opened the door, and we heard heavy footsteps in the room and the loud voices of the gendarmes. ‘We are looking for Jews.’ We froze on the spot and remained motionless. I felt a cold sweat covering my entire body from sheer terror. Suddenly we heard Aleh's voice, a gay sound, as if from a joke in the mind: ‘Jews! We have no Jews at all! But perhaps you would like to take me?’ The gendarmes burst out laughing. They found the young lady attractive. We had avoided danger completely. After a few seconds, we went upstairs and heartily blessed our hostess.

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In the evening, one of the gendarmes returned to visit Aleh. He stayed for more than four hours in the room above us while we remained deathly silent. Even the children sat like two statues. From this day on, this scene was repeated night after night. We sat in fear for many hours without moving during the time Aleh occupied the gendarme until late at night, but we could not complain. The one good thing about this was that we realized that they were not looking for us. It is good that the neighbors saw the gendarme come to visit our hostess. This matter added more to their good name.

Our group grew larger. We were now 13 people after a new resident, Gedalia Melman, joined us.

It was only later that we learned more details of the results of the German gendarme search, and of an additional miracle. Two of the Melman brothers, Herman and Gedalyahu, and Lula Elefant and her brother were hiding at Mrs. Manya's house. The gendarmes did not find Mrs. Manya at her home. The neighbors frightened her when she found out she wasn't home when the gendarmes were searching her house. That evening her residents fled; three of them fled to the ghetto, and Gedalyau came to us.

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March 1943

The situation in the ghetto had become much more difficult. No one was allowed to leave. Even the orderlies were required to have special passes. Early in the morning on March 15, at the time of assembly when the men had to gather for a headcount, Gestapo vehicles arrived and took them all to the Janow Camp in Lvov. The orderlies lined up in a row, and some of them were also taken and transported to the camp. Lula Elefant, who had secretly come to us that same night, told us about this. Her husband Herman Melman, and her dear brother, were also taken to the camp. The endangered young woman remained entirely alone. They took her mother and sister during the Aktion in November 1942. Both jumped from the train car, but to our sorrow, the sister was killed on the spot. Only the mother remained alive. She let Lula know about this via a messenger, and asked her to send a wagon. Lula sent the wagon immediately, and to add to the sorrow, they brought her the frozen body of her mother.

After a short time, her father died of typhus. Her fate touched my heart, but to my great pain, we simply lacked the patience to deal with the troubles of the general community. We had more than enough and an excess of our own. Uncle Yossek fell ill with typhus. Relah was desperate and wanted to return to the ghetto, but we did not allow her to do so. The conditions in the ghetto were so severe that anyone who attempted to get out by way of the gate was shot on the spot. Despite our pleading with her, Relah did not change her mind. She gave Mr. Beck a ring decorated with diamonds as a gift, and he put her in contact with the orderly, Leib'keh Patrontacz, who put his life at risk by coming to pick her up without the permit visa and bringing her to the ghetto. Relah left us at the most difficult time, and after a number of days, an Aktion took place in the ghetto.

We were lying beside the window as dawn was breaking. I opened the window to let some fresh air into the asphyxiating hideout. It was about five o'clock. Suddenly, Mrs. Patrontacz sat up in bed and said: Listen! And we really did hear quite clearly, the rushed footsteps of a horde of panicked people and wild screaming: ‘Forward! Forward!’ In a second Mr. Beck was knocking on the floor covering the hideout. Quietly he informed us: ‘The Aktion has begun. The Jews are being led to the grove beside the city, and they are shot there.’

We turned off the light. We listened in the dark while praying and fasting all day. All of us had relatives in the ghetto. Towards evening, Mrs. Beck saw the elder Patrontacz among the victims who were being taken to death. He waved from the vehicle he was in and turned to look over to the house where his children were, but they could not help him.

Mr. Sztekl and his wife, owners of the pharmacy, reached our hiding place in the evening. They learned of our hideout from our uncle Yossek. The pharmacy was outside of the boundary of the ghetto, and because of that, they were able to elude the Aktion. They said it was over but people in the ghetto were still being guarded.

Mr. Beck bought news from the ghetto on Sunday. He saw aunt Utch'keh. Our relatives were alive. They brought Yossek to the refuge inside the ghetto as he had lapsed into unconsciousness and he lay there for three days. My grandmother's sister was killed, and the sister-in-law of Relah and her baby were shot to death an hour after she went into labor. As to my father's brothers, we have no news of Uncle David. The entire Patrontacz family was murdered.

In the end the Nazis shot and killed the members of the Judenrat and it was carried out in a barbaric way. The Nazis ordered each of the Judenrat men to search for a number of people who were hidden in hideouts and bring them as substitutes to have their own lives spared, and then they shot the members of the Judenrat as well.

Mrs. Beck described the appearance of the city after the Aktion. Step by step, along the entire road from the city to the grove, there were corpses in puddles of blood. There were bodies hung from the barbed wire that encircled the city. And even in the removal of the hapless victims, their blood froze in their arteries. Vehicles stopped under the windows of the houses and the Germans threw sacks with bodies enclosed, straight from the upper floors downward to the trucks. There were sadists who hacked the Jews apart with axes. As for Nuszak, the 12 year-old Patrontacz child, a Gestapo man cut him down with an axe. After the Aktion ended, the surviving remnants of people were closed up in a narrow area on one street. Utch'keh, with Yossek and Rila, went to live in the house that had previously been used by the Judenrat.

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Mr. Beck brought news from the Janow camp where he saw Marc Melman. Melman told him the names of some of the adults who were brought to the camp during the Aktion. Among them were Yossek Patrontacz and Lichter and his brother-in-law. Yossek Patrontacz and Herman Melman (who had been in the camp for a long time) told Beck they were working in the oil factory and they were not in bad condition. They sent us a gift of oil. Lichter, who had fallen sick with typhus a while back, died from exhaustion a number of days after he was brought to the camp. The husband of Papka Patrontacz was shot during the tallying period, the hour in which they shot every tenth Jew, and regrettably, he was one of those shot.

The final Aktion was implemented on April 6. This time they cleaned out the entire ghetto. There were 50 people, men and women who were still alive at the end. It was their task to cover the crumbling graves with dirt. They were required to sing while they worked, and whoever refused, and did not sing, got a whack on the head by a gendarme. What a horror! This is the product of the sadists! How can you accompany murder with singing? How could they sing a song beside the graves of thousands of tortured people?

Among those surviving was the uncle, Aunt Relah's brother. He saw Mrs. Beck, who had sneaked into the ghetto, and brought us bleak news. The Germans killed uncle Yossek by gunfire. Relah, Utch'keh and Utch'keh's children remained in the attic of the Judenrat. It all happened as follows: Yossek, Relah and Utch'keh were among the workers left alive after the liquidation of the Ghetto. Utch'keh's children hid in the attic. When it got darker, and evening arrived, Utch'keh wanted to bring them a bit of food. Yossek went with his beloved sister and was shot to death along with her. The next day they shot Relah. My sister Manya and I began to pray, and fast, twice a week, for the sake of saving the children.

On that fateful day of April 6^th, Artik Patrontacz came to us from the camp, and gave us details about the Aktion in Mosty'-Wielka, where Aunt Git'cheh and Meir were exterminated. At the morning headcount, the Gestapo chief, Fieldbrand, arrived in all his glory. First he ordered that all women should be counted. At the same time, Gestapo men entered the male camp and surrounded them. Everyone immediately sensed that this was an Aktion and a few began to flee. Meir was among the first, but he only made it over the barbed wire gate, and was killed. They brought the women over and stood them in front of a line of the men. They brought Git'cheh, and Artik recognized her and bowed. He hoped she would not look at him, but she did look and called out to him. Having no choice, Artik stepped out of line as the women passed by him. The Gestapo men remained in the middle of the field. Artik and Git'cheh began to hug and kiss. As Artik parted, he asked her to convey regards to all the relatives. Git'cheh sobbed bitterly, not because she was going to her death, but because she saw that Meir had been killed. She pleaded with Artik, that he should exact vengeance if he should succeed in remaining alive. They stood like this for a few minutes, until the Gestapo man shouted: ‘Halt!’ He ordered Git'cheh to remove her overcoat which he found to his liking, and urged her to run and join the lines of women.

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In a little while they were taken far out of the city. Along the way, the women sang the Hatikvah. What sort of hope can one guard in one's heart when going to confront death? Perhaps in the world to come they would meet their relatives who were already there.

The Germans took along twenty adult men to dig graves, and after that they were shot as well. All were ordered to undress, and their belongings were taken away to storage.

On April 11, Utch'keh's children, Zigusz age 9 and Zuszya age 4, came and knocked on the door and told Mr. Beck, that their uncle sent them, because their Aunt Salcz'eh and mother were here. Mr. Beck allowed them to enter his house and brought them up to the attic, and he came down to talk to us. I will remember the day, until my own last day, that every one in the hideout was on the edge of desperation. How could we admit a child of 4 into the hideout? Everyone began to thunder against his uncle. How can you send children into the city, and also tell them where and with whom they have to search for their relatives? In doing so, they endangered the lives of 15 people! A miracle happened, a great miracle, though, and things did not happen like this. It is hard to imagine that two children were walking in the street, in the town in which they were born, at 10 o'clock on a Sunday morning. Everyone knew who they were, and they encountered no one, and not one person approached them, not one. Had the children been asked, they would have revealed everything. Fate was on their side and they traversed a long road without interruption. Maybe they were born under a good sign,

Mr. Beck said that he would not send the children outside, that a place had to be made for them in the hideout, and ‘what will be will be!’ It is certain that God will reward him in accordance with his compassion, a hundred times over because of his good deeds. I went up the stairs and I washed the children and cut their hair because their heads were crawling with lice. I changed their clothes and brought them down to the hideout. I told them that their mother was in Lvov and after the war she would certainly return to them. As they entered the hideout, the pharmacist's wife came over to Zusha. The girl hugged her and said: ‘I know that my Aunt Git'cheh was here!’ It was only then that we saw the resemblance between Mrs. Sztekl and the referenced aunty. Everyone burst out crying.

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Zigu and Zuszya Orlander (children of Hirsh-Leib and Utch'keh) upon exiting the bunker

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Manya Schwartz left the ‘Bunker’ and was seized by the Gestapo

I do not know what kind of miracle was done for us, but our daughter was saved and not harmed by this fire. The fire consumed 20 houses on our street. But in what way can we take solace that the hand of God had struck us so hard? We could not even give in to our desperation. Beck walked to the gendarme station where he was known, and he expressed his suspicion that the neighbor, Stapnik whom he brought from Russia, and who lived beside our house, was hiding Jews. The gendarmes immediately conducted a search. The angry Stapnik threatened Beck in the presence of the gendarmes, that he would provide eye witnesses to testify that they saw Manya flee from Beck's house. In the evening our host ordered all of us to leave the house. He suspected a search would take place. The night was terrifying, and the wind blew and wailed in a terrifying manner and we had nowhere to go. Who would take us into their house with two children? Mrs. Melman decided to go up and beg Mr. Beck to grant us the favor to remain. We waited for her tensely, and she finally came down with Mr. Beck. We recognized from her expression that perhaps the man had changed his mind for the good. ‘Go to sleep!’ he said with a good heart. ‘What will be will be!’ We breathed more easily. Is there even a reward for the nobility of the soul for such a man as this?

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We had barely closed the cellar entry when we heard movement above. We did not know what happened, but we were certain that they had finally come to take us. To our good fortune this was not the case. After a minute went by we heard knocks on the floor entry. Our host revealed the purpose of the movement and panic in the house. Fire had been spotted on the roof and the men went up to put out the fire. On their way up to the roof they tripped on boards under which a Torah scroll was hidden. This was the same Torah that had been removed from the Synagogue by Mr. Melman's father. He hid it in his house, in this place, and by chance it fell into the hands of Mrs. Beck. In keeping with Mr. Melman's wishes, she agreed to wrap it well and hide it in a secure place. She believed that this Torah scroll would bring good luck to her and to all of us, and, good luck was crucial for all of us in this very difficult period of time.

On the following day, after the fire, Mrs. Beck panicked as she was called to come to the police station.

During the interrogation, she was told about Manya's testimony. Manya had worked for her as an assistant, and she lied about everything. She identified the two witnesses, gendarmes, who had searched inside of her house. Despite this they conducted an inspection of Mr. Beck's house. They only peeked into the house which was in a state of disarray after the fire, and they found our temporary hideout in the oil factory that belonged to Mr. Melman.

We were bothered by the thought that Manya was perhaps still under arrest and they were torturing her. It was hard for us to believe that she was still alive, because she had not met with Mrs. Beck. After a fortnight, we received a letter from his uncles through Mrs. Beck, where he enumerated all of the events of a Yahrzeit day, so they would know they were still alive. Her uncle wrote that the Yahrzeit of Manya fell on April 18^th, because he personally saw them shoot her to death.

After several days, the Germans conducted a search at a farmer's property, where they found a hideout in which the son of Yossek, the entire family of Bienstock and several other Jews were sheltered. All of them, including the child, were shot to death. I cannot grasp how the executioners could even raise a hand to an innocent one-year old baby. Is it possible to still believe that the world will be judged in righteousness?

We were told about the terrifying Aktion in the Janow Camp where many people were shot to death. Among the murdered were Joseph Patrontacz, Herman Melman, who was the father-in-law of Lula, and Lula's brothers. Lula was not aware of her brothers' deaths. We kept this a secret from her, as even without this knowledge she was burdened with troubles and remained all alone in the world.

My mother left to go to the Droznaka across from the house, and returned after a quarter of an hour. She brought some of our belongings to sell, because all of the money we had was already spent. Mrs. Beck already had my mother's dress, my father's shirts and a tablecloth, and these items would serve to pay off a number of debts. It is hard for me to believe that a refuge of this sort still exists in the world, where Jews live and are able to hide by paying money earned through the sale of their things. If, in fact, there were other people like the Beck family, would they be ready to throw out dangerous tenants such as these, for whom it was also difficult to obtain the necessities of life.

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Wednesday, August 31, 1943

I have neglected my diary for some time now. The hideout has become very hot, and it is hard to lie down. Today, I got up at twelve-thirty in the afternoon. Even though I was hungry, I only wanted to eat a small portion of bread before lunchtime. An hour later, we ate potatoes, and we ate soup at nightfall.

We also received potatoes for supper. Supper was very late this evening because there was an alarm and we had to sit without moving, and without air for four hours. Upstairs, the radio stopped working and the technician worked for a long time until he fixed it. Today, I am going to sleep on a full stomach, feeling pleasantly full and not in want of food.

My father made a monthly calculation of our costs, and he consented to pay 2,830 Zlotys to the Becks. Compared with others, this was not a great deal, however, we are living in conditions that require close attention.

Mrs. Klara made a calculation that she had spent 2,360 Zlotys for the month, because she had unique expenses, not immediately evident. Her brother Kuba came to us in our hideout from the Potelycz camp. Previously, he had been in Mosty', and from there he was taken to Potelycz. It was very tense the last time he was there, as every day they anticipated that an Aktion would occur to ‘purify’ the camp. Kuba endangered his life, for he had nothing to lose, and he fled to Zolkiew. To our sorrow, luck was not with him. He was seized by Ukrainian police and had to give them money to spare his life. He gave them whatever he had with him, if only they would let him live. Fortunately they did not follow him, to see where he was going, otherwise we would be lost.

We were always besieged by new troubles. It appeared we would not be able to hide in peace, not even in a cellar under the ground. Mr. Beck was let go from the place he worked as a result of a dispute. He just walked out. He worked in a military office, and in such circumstances it was possible that he would be sent to a concentration camp. We were seized with desperation. We could not survive in our hideout without Mr. Beck. Mundek Patrontacz, who experienced no end of difficult situations, took it upon himself to persuade Mr. Beck, our benefactor, to try to quiet down the problems at his workplace, and after lengthy attempts he succeeded in doing so. After the conversation, Mr. Beck and Mundek left the house and returned at a late hour with a new guest, Professor Lang. We had to sit in complete silence while they played cards until midnight and then waited for the radio broadcast of the latest news from England.

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Sabbath, September 4, 1943

I spent the time before noon cleaning the Beck family house with Lula, and vanished as usual when necessary. We rested and cleaned for an additional three hours. This was very good for us because we all suffered from the overcrowding when sitting in one place. I noticed that Lula and I looked better than others in the hideout, probably because we helped Mrs. Beck upstairs, and got to breathe some slightly fresher air, and had the chance to move around.

I caught a bit of a cold when I went out of our choking place to the fresh air above, but despite this, I took a bath using the rainwater in order to clear my head. Drinking water was allocated at three liters per family.

Mr. Lang returned on this day to play cards. The men played until 10 o'clock at night. This was not easy on us. By the end of the evening, Mr. Lang was obliged to borrow money. We wondered where Mr. Beck got the money to play cards at such frequent intervals.

The day went by quietly until Mr. Beck returned from work. Issues began to arise between us when he told us that he overheard a Volksdeutsche say they had found some belongings of Jews in a home (which were then confiscated on the spot), and as a result, the identity cards of all of the family members were taken away. Mr. Beck then gave notice that because of this, he did not want to keep our belongings in his house. We had to take everything down to the bunker. This was a disturbing task for us because everything seems to rot in our hideout. If the remainder of our belongings rot, we would not have the means to get money and pay our debts. And that was not all for this day. Mrs. Beck told us another piece of news. Mr. Becks' nephew, Vladek, son of Mr. Beck's brother, who had died three months before, said that his mother was going to marry a Ukrainian. Was it possible to gently argue that she had to give up on the marriage because she knew everything about us, and could potentially reveal our existence under the house.

Mighty Gods! This is all that was missing in our already dangerous situation, that some Ukrainian will know about our existence. And even with this, the news was not yet finished. Mr. Beck got into a dispute again with a corporal at work, and this time they fired him for sure. And there was no appeal.

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We are literally desperate. This is not a joke with army people. Mr. Beck is a man with a golden heart, but he is too quick to act. He does not think about the consequences of his arguments with others. As of now, he can be accused of a crime. He does not get as emotional about all of this as much as we do, and he tells us that all will be well.

Mr. Beck allowed Patrontacz to listen to the English news broadcast the day before yesterday. The news was not good. Roosevelt notified everyone about big changes that would take place within two days. To my disappointment, the news that also affected our personal situation was not pleasant. Mrs. Beck's sister-in-law visited us today. She told Mrs. Beck that a policeman from the Podhoretz militia, with whom Uncle Yossek had hid his fur coat, had promised that before the final Aktion he would take him and Relah from the ghetto to a safe place (we do not know if he meant our place). He told everyone that there are hidden Jews at Beck's house. We recalled that when Utch'keh's children, Zigusz and Zusha, came to us, they told us about Podhorecki, who was with them in the hideout in the attic of the Judenrat, and was preparing to take them over to his house. But because there was no money to save the children the matter ended. We began to wonder if that Ukrainian became aware of our location when this uncle, who was an orderly, discussed taking the children from the ghetto to our hideout, with Podhorecki.

My mother became very emotional when she heard this and she fainted. Immediately Mrs. Beck knocked on the floor entry and asked us to remain silent. She said that German gendarmes were on their way, but they were men of good will. My mother did not hear the end of what Mrs. Beck said, and thought that the Gestapo men were coming back to search for us, and she fainted again. I awakened her from this state with a prayer that the Lord will redeem us soon and quickly. Mother had never been this emotional before, but now she was so nervous and frequently faints. The gendarmes remained until 11 o'clock at night. During this time, Mrs. Klara and I were in need of small physiological necessities. In the end, we were compelled to extinguish the light and do this in a box. We were afraid to go out into the hall where the pails were, fearing we would be heard upstairs. When the gendarmes left, we found out that it was not Podhorecki but someone named Dumrytski who spread the rumor about Jews hiding in Beck's house. We breathed more easily. This was a big difference. Dumrytski was a Volksdeutsche, and apparently knew nothing of us.

While still drowsy from sleep, I thought I heard my mother say that Italy had surrendered. Since I was still asleep, it seemed to me that I was having a pleasant dream and I did not want to wake up. Later on, I found out that this was not a dream, but a fact. Mr. Beck heard this at one o'clock at night. At seven in the morning, he called Mondek Patrontacz to share the news. I nearly choked from my emotions when I saw the change in the faces of the men in the hideout. Everyone began to assess this event. We were enveloped in a feeling of encouragement, as a ray of hope penetrated our hearts. We hoped that Italy's surrender would influence the conduct of the war. Perhaps the war would end quickly now. Our difficult life was revolting. We were nearing collapse. This was after all, the tenth month for our sequestration in the hideout.

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Friday, September 10, 1943

Mr. Beck suddenly became stubborn and did not want to permit any one of us to go up and listen to the radio. He demanded 500 Zlotys for this. We could not meet this request, and offered 5 Zlotys for each radio session, but he refused. Let us hope that his mood will shortly improve, because Mr. Beck did not usually remain angry.

To our surprise, Mr. Beck invited Mr. Melman to listen to the radio this evening. The news was very good. Our hope grows stronger that the Lord will help us. When Mr. Beck returned from the city today, however, he brought back bad news that crushed our happiness. Gendarmes had uncovered three Jews in hiding and shot them to death. Oh, how tragic that these deaths occurred now, when the political situation was improving and our redemption could be near.

I was upstairs with Lula today in the Beck house. We cleaned the floor and got two pancakes to eat. I divided my pancake into three pieces to share among myself and the children because they deserved something savory.

Mr. Beck returned today, appearing very pressured. He had met Mr. Eisenbart, his steady card-playing partner, and invited him home, but Eisenbart refused to come. He said that he was suspicious about visiting Beck's house. Why? Because there is a plague in Beck's house and it appears to be following him. With that, Eisenbart returned to his own home, shaken and frightened. Mundek Patrontacz advised Beck to go to Eisenbart and ask for an explanation. It became clear that Mr. Beck had an argument with a certain German, whose name was Mayer, who notified Sturmführer Papa, that Beck doesn't work, but still lives well, a sign that he is engaged in some business. Eisenbart and Lang sensed that they might lose the good graces of Papa, and decided to stop meeting with Beck. We later learned that this had not occurred to Eisenbart, who spoke for an hour about the plague because of his dealing with Jews. Our host decided that, in this case, he would ask Papa that he be given other more demanding work.

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Monday, September 13, 1943

Happiness and joy! Mr. Beck was with Papa and received an appointment as a night-guard in the whiskey store in the Soyuz. He was to report at eight o'clock in the evening to the gendarme station to pick up a rifle, which he had to return at six in the morning. This was good for us, because our host will have direct contact with the gendarmes, and so no suspicion will fall on him, or his actions.

We paid to hear the news on the radio today, and Patrontacz went upstairs to listen. Yesterday the news was good. But we were saddened to learn that Mussolini was freed by the Germans. They will use this to their advantage in connection with their dangerous undertakings.

Mundek went upstairs at night to listen to the radio. At the moment it was announced that brigades of partisans were fighting in Yugoslavia, there was suddenly a ringing at the door. Now, who was ringing at 1:30AM, Mundek thought, and fled quickly below. It was none other than Mr. Beck himself, who was returning for a while to hear the news on the radio and then to return to his office. How simple-minded! But Beck was in the habit of grumbling: ‘As to all the spirits, I fear nothing!’ In the meantime, we are sitting in a pit, among insects and mice, and impatiently waiting for good news. And what was our fear that night? What hour of the day is most secure for us?

A few weeks ago, Mazalszyczki, Beck's sister arrived, and our host said that he had to tell her that he is hiding Jews, because she might sense it anyway over the four days she will be in the house. She also brought along a son, aged 12, who ran around all the corners of the house. We did succeed in convincing Mr. Beck not to tell his sister. It was enough that Wladek and his mother and brother knew of our existence. We told Beck that he can depend on us to remain invisible. Already hidden, we ate less, cooked less and passed the test until the guests left. It appears that Jews can hide themselves under even the worst conditions.

Aleh, who works at the post office, received a telegram from Switzerland meant for the Jews who first owned the house. The telegram was a notification to prepare to travel abroad because the necessary papers were on their way. We laughed. Could the senders of this telegram not conceive of the fact that the person who was to receive this telegram was longer here? Or she was sent to Belzec, or she was left dead in the grove, or under the best of circumstances, she was sitting in some hideout, otherwise she would be exterminated? I doubt that people outside of this country know about the murder of millions of people. Even if she were to get out of the country, the idea of the murder is so terrifying that no one will believe her.

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Thursday, September 16, 1943

Mrs. Beck was in Lvov today where she saw Marc Melman, who was living in the Janow Camp. She brought a letter from him that said he believed the liberation might come in a few weeks. To our sorrow, he wrote, ‘conditions in the Janow Camp are very bad, and only 1,500 adults are left here. Just today, they took a group of 40 women out to be killed! Every day they take 40 Jews from there to the Gora Piaskowa, and shoot them to death. A separate unit consisting of 40 men from the camp prisoners, had the job to burn these corpses’. In the end these men were killed as well, as were the members of the Judenrat in the cities. When Mrs. Beck traveled to the surroundings of Belzec, she said that she always smelled the odor of smoke. Now we understand everything. The German murderers burned the bodies of the Jewish martyrs in order not to leave any corpus delicti and evidence of their deeds. The question remains, what will they say when they are questioned about what they did to the millions of humans who have vanished without a trace?

One ray of light shines by itself in this sea of troubles and calamities. Mrs. Patrontacz found out that her brother and sister were alive. She had for some time lost all hope that anyone from her family had survived.

I do not know what happened to our host as he seems to be light headed. Today he went out to the city at ten o'clock in the morning, and only returned at four o'clock in the afternoon. He came home disoriented. Lang took him to be rather drunk, and did not remain at the house as he was also liquored up as usual.

We heard Mrs. Beck beg her husband to rest, but he did not agree to his wife's requests. Suddenly someone was at the door. Mrs. Beck ran to the floor entry and shouted: ‘gendarmes!’ And that was enough for us. We were convinced that Mr. Beck had said something about us in the tavern, and now the gendarmes had come to take us out. As usual, my mother fainted. The children cried silently, and the rest prayed for a miracle. But the gendarmes left after a short amount of time, and Mr. Beck continued to argue with the women. He shouted, and demanded that he be given the bicycle that was locked in the bathroom. Apparently, he wanted to travel somewhere. Two of the women who could not hide with him left the house. Mr. Beck acted in a frightful manner: he threw furniture and heavy items around the house, and in the end, he broke through the door of the bathroom, took something out of there, and fled. We remained alone. We were certain that the end had come for us, but Mrs. Beck returned after a few minutes. This gold-hearted woman knocked on the floor entry in order to explain everything to us. She told us that Mr. Beck had insulted the head of the gendarmes, who then personally called for an inspection of the house. But this gendarme got drunk and completely forgot about his order. The other gendarmes came to find him, but when they saw what condition he was in, they told Mrs. Beck just to tell the head that the others did not find Mr. Beck at home. Nevertheless, Beck decided to take out the bicycle and to travel to the police station.

Mr. Beck returned home late. We asked him how he resolved this matter with the chief officer, but he was silent. Our feeling was that we were sitting on a volcano. We didn't know if the gendarmes would appear here tomorrow and take Beck to a punishment camp. Today, again, he did not go to work, and he didn't speak with anyone. Also, Mrs. Beck knows nothing. In a word: it was bad for us, and we had no exit from this tragic circumstance.

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Sunday, September 19, 1943

Mrs. Beck went to Lvov yesterday. She was calmed a bit by her trip for business purposes, and everyone else remained in the house. Mr. Beck went to his guard duty, but when night came he returned to listen to the news on the radio. How simple-minded! Now that the earth is burning under his feet, he leaves the post at night because he is curious to listen to the radio. He returned early in the morning in order to feed the pig, and also brought breakfast to the pharmacist, who has a lot of money and spares nothing for himself and his wife. We concluded that we would have to fast until Mrs. Beck returns home. But at noon, Mr. Beck knocked on the floor entry and provided us with bread and potatoes. I told Mondek that during the past night there were three separate investigations to determine if Beck was really on guard. A gendarme Beck knew promised to give him permission to be able to keep a rifle at home. How good it was to see them act leniently with him, and it also lightened our hearts.

Mr. Lang came to visit in the afternoon and we had to close the trap door. It became unbearably hot in the hideout, the pail was not available to us, and I needed to go. I suffered in great pain, and in the end Lula found some sort of box and our urination was made easier.

Mrs. Beck returned from Lvov in the morning and the whole house immediately rose to greet her. This was how we related to our hostess. She was able to calm us. It seemed to us that we would always be together, even after the liberation. Lula and I swept the floor upstairs together. We freshened up a bit as it was difficult for us to bear the heat. I sit in the corridor and write in my diary, because I cannot lie down. My back is very stiff, and I am waiting for Mundek, who went upstairs. I hope he will bring back good news.

The end of September has arrived, and the heat is unbearable. We walk around half-naked in the hideout, and the sweat pours from our faces. Everyone has a rag, which we use to towel off the sweat, and a section of cardboard carton which we use for a fan. The women wear dresses that expose our skin, and that is all. The men wear all of their clothing and they look terrifying as a result. We all suffer from sweating all of the time, and it irritates our skin. When we turn out the light, we sleep naked, and even this doesn't help much. We wish that cooler days would come so our situation will improve.

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Wednesday, September 22, 1943

Yesterday's news was not good. Churchill announced on the radio that the allies are preparing for the war to continue in 1944. This is terrifying to us. Our condition deprives us of all hope to continue to hold on, from a spiritual and material point of view.

We sold our mother's coat today. The money will be enough for a month.

I did not write yesterday because it was the Eve of Yom Kippur. We prayed, and blessed one another and all of us had but one question: will our dream of the past 10 months be realized? Were we to be privileged, to be set free, to be redeemed? The holiday in the hideout appears to be overly tragic. We choked on our suppressed tears. There were guests in the house above us, and we had to sit in silence. We prayed again today. When we reached the Yizkor prayer for remembering souls, Karolina, Patrontacz and the little Igo, the son of Mr. Melman, and I, went out into the corridor of the gate and stayed there. Zigusz suddenly understood why he was told to remain. He understood that he was an orphan, and began to murmur in silent part: ‘El Maleh, El Maleh’.

I wanted to comfort him, but I burst into tears, and everyone in the hideout cried. It appears that the orphan's prayer reached up to the gates of the heavens. After several minutes Mrs. Beck came with a mouth full of connected news: Dnepopetrovsk and Smolensk were captured by storm. After the Neilah prayer, Mr. Beck came down to us with a bottle of whiskey and rolls. They drank with us in honor of Rosh Hashanah. Mrs. Beck paid money to everyone whose belongings she sold. She said it was, ‘a good sign.’

Will a time come for us to be able to repay these noble people for the goodness of their hearts? But this is our Rosh Hashana, and they are the ones who are worried, and make sure that we begin the New Year with a good omen. Mrs. Beck slaughtered two roosters so that we could have chicken soup. For us this was extra, because our money was gone, but her intent was certainly good.

I am sitting now in the corridor waiting to hear the radio news. This is the first time in several months that I feel sated. Unfortunately, the feeling has to last all week in order to cover the deficit that this soup caused.

The news on the radio yesterday was threatening. We almost did not hear the English report and only managed to catch the American report at the end. Nothing was mentioned about the capture of Dnepropetrovsk but they did broadcast information about the capture of Smolensk and Jaroslaw. We were very pleased that battles were being fought in the outskirts of Kiev.

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There was an interesting news item in a German paper. Jews from Russia are being transported to the Land of Israel. If this is true, maybe members of our family who were sent to Kazakhstan by the Russians also managed to reach the Land of Israel. Mighty Gods! What will happen when our grandmother becomes aware that Utch'keh is no more, and also Yossek, Relah and their children, her two sisters and our grandfather's brother, and two of his sisters, and I have not even counted nieces and nephews. Who even knows if we will remain alive?

I tried to create some order in the hideout. It became frighteningly clear to me that our belongings rotted here. I hung up my father's trousers on a rope and my dress also, so they would dry. Everything, everything here had rotted. My winter coat completely disintegrated. The same thing happened to my mother's coat and dress. It did not bother me that we would have nothing to wear as it would be possible to leave the hideout in freedom wearing only one shirt. But all of these items had been designated to be sold! I am very sorrowful as this is no longer possible.

The news from the eastern front is very good. The news on the English radio improved, and despite the capture of Dnepropetrovsk, we are hoping the Russians will cross the Dnieper River and the matter will move. Nevertheless, the distance from there to here is quite far. But for all that, it's closer than the line from Stalingrad to us. By the time we left the listening room to return down into our hideout, we heard the news that the Germans had been repelled and driven out of Stalingrad.

The days are already getting cooler. We do not sweat anymore, and our skin is not as wrinkled. However, it is still not possible to use the sinks inside the corridor for the emptying pail. This is one of the worst problems of living in this hideout.

Mr. Beck decided to slaughter the pig. The butcher came at seven in the morning, slaughtered the pig, and he is still dealing with it in the cellar. By eleven o'clock at night he had barely finished his work. We went up, careful not to be seen, so he would not sense our presence. The worst thing, however, is we could not relieve ourselves because the cellar was on the other side of the wall.

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Sabbath, October 2, 1943

Today, Mr. Beck heard a broadcast of a speech made by a Rabbi in London. The Rabbi had been in the Łodz Ghetto for two years and escaped to England. He spoke about the pursuit of the Jews in Germany. His speech made a strong impression on our host.

Today, the brick wall we had erected before we entered the hideout collapsed. To our good fortune, there was nobody upstairs except Mrs. Beck's sister-in-law who knows the details of our situation anyway. The fact that we are alive at all, is a miracle.

By chance, Mrs. Beck saw Marc Melman while she was in Lvov. He returned her glance, but because the place is crawling with divisions of secret police who are experts at uncovering Jewish hideouts, it was necessary to be very careful. Marc Melman said they shoot people every day in the Janow Camp and soon there will be no one left. If liberation comes, it will save very, very few.

In the end, the radio news is not particularly good. The Soviet Armies have been halted, and are not moving forward. It appears that the other side of the Dnieper is overly difficult. We hope that the war will end by the end of December, or January. I do not know how we will be able to hold on till then under increasingly difficult circumstances. We have already sold all of our good possessions, and only small things remain.

Mr. Patrontacz did not go upstairs yesterday to listen to the radio. A dog barked outside, and we felt that it would be better to stay in the hideout. But Mr. Beck brought us the encouraging news that the Soviets resumed their attack and crossed the Dnieper in three places.

Maybe everything will end soon.

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Sunday, October 10, 1943

If an author were to write about and describe our lives here, it would doubtless be a sensational story.

I dream of a simple boring life without outrageous experiences, an ordinary life in which each day is like the next. In fact, we have no rest, and there is something new every minute. Last night, Mr. Beck left his place where he is on guard duty, and came home. We sensed he was very angry because he walked around and around the room. We were not mistaken. He knocked on our door and told us that he had dozed off a bit while at work, and someone came and stole his rifle. We could not convince him to go to the military police to report this.

We were terrified and could not sleep that night. At 3:00 AM, after we heard the American news on the radio, Mundek Patrontacz burst through the door. He had gone to the military police and found out that the rifle was stolen by a Ukrainian policeman. Mr. Beck went to notify the Ukrainian police, but they denied everything and even laughed at him. An angry Beck returned to the military police and complained that the Ukrainians stole his rifle in order to give it to partisans, with whom they had a connection, in exchange for whiskey. The military police promised him they would try to get a new rifle for him, and they sent him home in a friendly manner.

Thank God that this matter ended well. Otherwise, it could have ended quite differently and caused calamitous outcomes for us.

How complicated is life! Yesterday, while I was busy cleaning the Beck family house, I peeked between the cracks in the window and became frightened. I saw the world of the Holy One Blessed Be He. There was Mrs. Orenstein, strolling freely down the street, deep in conversation with a woman walking with her. I remembered who she was and a picture became clear in my mind.

During the summer last year, when trains with Jews traveled through Zolkiew on the way to Belzec, Mrs.Orenstein jumped from a train car with her daughter. They were from Kolomyya. The Astman family took the two of them into their house. The daughter had a deep wound in her knee, the mother had a cut lip and some broken teeth from the jump. The Astmans brought Pap'keh Fisz, the angel who handled medical care for the jumpers, to them. I helped her, as usual, to bind the wounds, but Mr. Astman was afraid to let his house be used as a hideout for Mrs. Orenstein, because hiding jumpers was punishable by death. Because of that, Pap'keh invited both of the women into her house. Hella Orenstein was my age, and we immediately became friends. Together with Gina Astman, Klara Latzter and other young women we went out to find familiar faces from Kolomyia among the jumpers. There weren't many, as other previous transports had already come from Kolomyia on the way to Belzec. Hella's father and oldest sister had already been taken to die in a previous Aktion. Hella's brother, who was an orderly, put his father and sister onto the train car, and also his mother and sister during a different Aktion, and he remained alive in Kolomyya. Mrs. Orenstein, who jumped from the train with her daughter, decided to save herself, because she had an Aryan, or a ‘good appearance.’

Mr. Astman prepared forged papers for her. She traveled back to

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Kolomyia with a group of Aryan workers, retrieved some of her belongings from there, and prepared to return to Zolkiew. In the meantime, an Aktion broke out among us in November. Hella hid in the hideout with the Astman family. After the Aktion, Mrs. Orenstein and her son arrived. The Astman family had to enter the ghetto, but Mrs. Orenstein, who was a stranger in Zolkiew with Aryan papers, remained in the Astman house and began to work as a cook for a Volksdeutsche engineer. The Astman family was exterminated in the March Aktion, and it appears that Mrs. Orenstein continued to live in their house. When I saw her today, she looked healthy. She appeared to take well to her new duties. But I do not know how Hella takes care of herself. It is not easy for her to appear in the street because she has a pronounced Semitic appearance. I think to myself that we are so near to one another, and yet quite far away.

We became aware of rumors that the Germans were getting ready to clean out ul. Lvovska, where we live. If this is true it will be the end of our lives. If Mr. Beck decides to take us to a new location, how could 18 Jews succeed in traversing the city streets without being noticed? Perhaps it won't happen at all. They would certainly not want to disturb Mr. Beck, known to everyone as a Volksdeutsche, but rather leave him in peace.

The radio news today was outstanding: Kiev was consumed in flames! The Badoglio government declared war on Hitler. Portugal gave up the islands of the Azores in favor of England, and it may be given over to the United States. Good! And when Kiev is captured it will be even better.

Mrs. Beck was in Lvov today, but she did not see Marc Melman. He was in Czortkow. Why is he still residing in the Janow Camp? He travels often and could easily escape. Let us hope he doesn't forfeit the chance to do so!

We had another day of diverse experiences. May God protect us from experiences like these in the future! Mr. Beck went out to the city to bring us back a newspaper. Several hours went by, and he did not return home. When it started to get dark, and he still hadn't returned, Mrs. Beck and her sister-in-law went out to look for him. They had just gone outside and we heard shouts and singing in the street. Mr. Beck returned home in a very drunk condition. Because the door was closed and he could not get inside, he began to shout and curse very loudly and bang on the back door. Finally, he was able to enter

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through the kitchen door and opened all of the doors and windows, turned on all of the lights, and began to sing. We recognized the voice of Komoritzky who came in with him. He was also liquored up, as usual, but he still had his senses. Komoritzky asked Mr. Beck to turn out the lights and to close and cover the windows, but Mr. Beck ignored him. We feared that Mr. Beck might suddenly knock on the floor entry and blurt out our existence as both men were in the room directly above us. Finally Komoritzky went home. An hour later, Mrs. Beck returned with her sister-in-law. They put Beck to bed, and he fell into a deep sleep, as if dead. We were fortunate that he didn't reveal our location while he was drunk. We were concerned about this every time he was inebriated, as he would forget about us. Perhaps that is the reason he gets drunk so frequently.

Mrs. Beck often traveled for business after there was a lot of commotion in the house. Maybe she left in order to put it behind her. It was certainly not easy for her to continuously live with so much tension. Our condition was different. We were born Jewish, and because of this, the Germans promulgated their decree of death upon us.

The Beck family belongs to the group called Volksdeutsche. They could live peacefully and not endanger themselves for a handful of Jews. And we did not have much money. There were some wealthy Jews who were eliminated only for their considerable wealth. Many of the farmers who gave them cover, pillaged their money, and afterwards murdered them, or turned them in to be killed.

My stomach bothered me so much that it was difficult to eat anything except for potatoes. Today, Mrs. Beck favored me with an apple, and I am sitting on the pail all day. It seems to me that after liberation, I will have to fast for a whole week in order to cure my stomach ailments.

The new diary entries today were outstanding. Everyone is saying that the war will be over in December. Will we be able to hold out till then?

While sweeping the floor in the Beck house in the evening, Lula and I heard a bit of music on the radio. I had already forgotten that there was such a thing as music in the world, and I began to cry. Perhaps the music affected me this way, and perhaps what happened is that I remembered

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that there was another world in which we have no part. A world in which people conduct a normal way of life, listening to music, going to the movies, the theater, and essentially are able to walk around in a free manner and don't get emotional about the thousands of Jews taken out to be killed.

My shoes have torn completely. I have no shoes to wear. I will have to ask Mrs. Beck if she has a pair of used shoes for me. I do not understand why shoes spoil here more than walking in the street since the soles are not worn out. We sit in one place but the shoes simply fall apart from becoming rotten.

Mr. Beck gave us a letter that touched on all of us. He is demanding money. The war has been going on for a long time and he must buy necessities for the winter. We have to pay him 1,500 Zlotys. He is asking for a payment of 2,000 Zlotys from the Melman family and 1,500 Zlotys from the Patrontacz family. Klara has to pay 1,000 Zlotys. And the pharmacist has to pay 2,000 Zlotys. I don't know what we will do. Nobody, except the pharmacist, has any money. Perhaps Mr. Beck will agree to take our possessions. We do not hold a grudge against him for asking us to give him money. Why should he have to sustain us for free? Rather, who among us thought that the war would continue for this amount of time? We went down to the hideout for a month. We have been here for almost a full year.

I frequently think about Mr. Beck's personality. I believe that I am obligated to permanently record my impressions of him on paper. He is entirely too primitive a man, but he is an honest man, a seeker of justice, and prepared to stand beside anyone who is oppressed. He was always an anti-Semite and wanted to see a Poland without Jews, and the Jews in the Land of Israel. As it was, when the Germans began to pursue the Jews, and afterwards murder them, his conscience was aroused and he decided to stand against this travesty in his own special way, that is, to rescue a handful of Jews. This was the reason he took us into his house. Mr. Beck abhors lies, and he does not lie. Mr. Beck does not bring gossip into his house, and does not have the desire to hear any of it himself. When he was frequently asked: what's going on in the city? He would usually reply with forgiveness, ‘People tell whatever comes up on their tongue.’ He is stubborn, and does not tolerate opposition. If he does something that he believes is the right thing to do, he does not tolerate people mixing into his affairs.

We came to know that a number of his actions that seemed foolish to us, turned out to be surely correct in the long run. Mr. Beck's most essential characteristics are that he has no fear and he does not break down under pressure. Another man in his place could not withstand the trial of such tense events

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relating to hiding Jews, but he is strong in spirit and does not collapse. Therefore, when he gets drunk occasionally, or creates a disturbance, we forgive him from the depths of our hearts.

My history teacher, Professor Kuba Czaczkes, was brought to our city today by wagon, together with his sister-in-law, the wife of the lawyer Philip Czaczkes. We don't know where their journey began. Czaczkes was together with Kuba and Artik Patrontacz in the camp at Mosty'-Wielki, but the Mosty' camp has been emptied of Jews for a while. It would appear that he was hiding some place, found, and removed. Oh, God how terrifying and awful this is. A man who was hidden for many months was caught and now being taken to be executed!

We are still in a state of sorrow over this terrifying news. And now, this event has directly affected us. At nine o'clock at night, the doorbell suddenly rang. We were frightened, because no one came to the house at this hour. Mr. Beck was in the house and he went to open the door. We then heard the steps of a barefoot man in the room, and he covered the floor entry with a small rug. We heard German being spoken in the corridor. Perhaps Czaczkes knew about us and our hideout? After all, he was in the camp with Patrontacz. Perhaps he informed others about our existence? Maybe they had finally come to look for us? We sat frozen in our places until we heard a knock on the entry door. Luckily everything ended well. What had happened was that the military guard came to Mr. Beck's house after he was not present at his workplace. God only knows how much blood and health this matter cost us. How many times can one be tortured this way? There is no answer to our question.

Czaczkes had papers that got him into trouble. Some said these papers were letters about Turknitz and Smevkowsky, in which he admits returning their belongings. According to another opinion, the papers had some connection to a secret organization. It is a fact that Turknitz and Smevkowsky were imprisoned, and also a farmer from the village. It is probably close to true that they hid Professor Czaczkes and he was forced to admit this when the Germans tortured him. This made a frightening impression on Mr. Beck.

This entire issue about Czaczkes seemed to be stranger and more secretive than everything else. As was usual, the Germans immediately shot the Jews they had seized. This time they took all of the Jews to Lvov, but there was no other fate awaiting them there.

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Friday, October 29, 1943

I have to stop writing in my diary for a number of days until Aleh brings me another notebook for I am out of paper.

This is our 12^th month in the hideout, and the end of the war does not yet appear on the horizon. Soldiers are fighting on several fronts and in Moscow. Everything is proceeding at a tortoise's pace, and there are almost no more Jews, except for the small group in the camps. Every day means certain death for hundreds of people who have miraculously survived. Hitler kept his promise to exterminate the Jews. He even went after converts. On Wednesday they seized Bass and his mother, and today, the elderly Mrs. Twerowicz was seized. She had converted to Christianity 50 years ago! Folkowa was also taken. It is said they were taken to Auschwitz, and everyone knew that nobody returned from there. All that reaches us is that heart attacks were the cause of death. For this, every person not yet born, was taken out before he was born.

Kiev has been captured! Oh God, how happy are we! Over the last few days the radio delivered standard news, and our hopes were nearly dashed. But now, it seems that everything is going to proceed quickly since Kiev opens the door to Ukraine.

My mother engaged in an excellent exchange with Mr. Beck. He traded his hat for my father's hat, and his payment was a liter of oil. I literally swallow mucus thinking about potatoes fried in oil! We have a pile of potatoes approximately 5 meters high, which we got in exchange for the bekesza (coat) of my grandfather. We also got cheap bread. A loaf of bread costs 30 Zlotys, but it is two week-old, dry, military bread. It can be cut into thin pieces that are not as tasty as fresh bread, but one cannot refuse it.

It was clarified to us that the story about the converts was a plain lie. Nevertheless, the Germans did seize Bass and his mother and send them to Auschwitz, for the crime of crossing the gate. This news about Mrs. Twerdowicz and Mrs. Falk was a false rumor. Mr. Beck acts wisely, and he does not pay attention to such lies. The Soviet army moves ahead, and is today 40 kilometers past Kiev, as we just heard on the radio, having traveled 65 kilometers and getting close to Zhitomir.

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Monday, November 6, 1943

The news from the front is excellent. The Soviet Army is already 70 miles from Kiev and is moving at a fast pace. Even the German news concedes that the front at Kiev has been burst open.

Our sleeping bunks have been made even more narrow and I am not comfortable lying on them. A person is not prepared to move a little in order to do a favor for someone near him.

Finally the group in the hideout came to the conclusion that our family is deserving of more space on the benches. This was because of the two orphan girls that we brought here. Mr. Melman measured the space and ruled that since each person deserved 35 centimeters, our family was entitled to an extra board.

We reached this conclusion after a quarrel. I was in danger of getting slapped by my father who did not like the side I took in this quarrel. My father had never lifted his hand to me, and if he did so today, it is because his nerves were not made of steel, and I did not feel insulted by him.

Once again we have to deal with aggravation. Mr. Beck gave us a handwritten item in Hebrew letters to read and explain to him what was written.

He took the page out of an envelope in which the writing appeared. A person in the city had turned it over to him, but Mr. Beck refused to tell us who that person was. It was hard to read the paper as many of the letters were erased. It appears that someone sought to play a joke. Beck was in the Komarczewska store, and was given an envelope with the writing. There is quite an oversupply of handwritten and printed Jewish books in the stores which the sellers use to package merchandise. Mr. Beck initially did not grasp that these were Hebrew letters. He was certain that this was reverse handwriting. When he came home, he tried to read the writing by looking in a mirror. When he could not decipher what was written on it, he gave us the paper to read, since it was possible that the letters were in Hebrew. Mr. Beck was angry at himself for being set up with this and wasting his attention. We are greatly sorry that there are people who allow themselves to amuse themselves at Mr. Beck's expense. It is not possible to dismiss the fact that they suspect him of being favorably disposed to Jews.

This became the topic of discussion among us for the day. We sat in the dark until 4 o'clock in the afternoon because the light had become insufficient. We became even angrier by the speech given by Mr. Churchill on the radio. He said that England was readying itself for a difficult

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struggle in 1944. Pleasant prospects! Who among us will be able to survive to that point? Let us hope that the Soviet army will reach us this year. If it does not arrive it will be a pity then, that we have had to suffer for such a long period of time.

The day starts for us at 10 o'clock. It is cold, and we desire to sleep some more, but there is a negative side to this. In the wintertime you have to wear underwear, and it is necessary to wash them. And even the washing raises the problems of not having soap, and we have to conserve our water. Today, I soaked the wash and then washed myself in that water. Water is divided in measured amounts. We also conserved the water to cook the potatoes.

Mr. Beck arrived home drunk. He drank with the Kriegel group at the secret police where he had found a good friend! We had no idea why he wanted to befriend such a person! Mr. Beck argues about what is good and just and what is not. Yet it is because of such connections that he is able to access ‘rehabilitation’ with the Germans or the neighbors. He is convinced that nothing bad will happen to us because he has faith in his luck. Let God forgive him for these words of solace. He encourages us with his words.

Aleh received a new Mahzor. She got it from a German pilot who was in Dnepropetrovsk for two years. He completely detests Hitler and comes every day to listen to the radio news in English with Mr. Beck. The news was very good, since the Soviet Army was moving forward rapidly, and was 4 kilometers from Zhitomir.

Aleh's pilot, Adolf, stays with her for hours while we sit motionless below. We are told he is very shrewd and is involved in some business partnership with Mr. Beck. Nevertheless, we wait for the day he gets out of here. When he left the house in the evening, Lula and I thoroughly cleaned the upstairs floor. Aleh treated us to food dipped in cumin, and even ate with us, just like that, in order to have company. We were encouraged by her friendship and her eating together with us. We are certain she was not hungry at all.

I cleaned the room with the radio today, and I heard news from London. The city of Zhitomir was taken by a storm! The Soviets are now 100 kilometers from the Polish border! They covered 130 kilometers during one week, from Kiev to Zhitomir.

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This was in contrast to our internal front where things were not happy at all. Mrs. Beck heard that the German gendarmerie is searching for and trying to sniff out Jews on ul. Lvovska, that is to say, our street. We take comfort in the fact that this appears to be an idle rumor. The Germans did not suspect the Beck family, for they had already carried out searches in their house. Powerful Gods! Who will permit this war to end soon and leave no more time for the Germans to search for Jews? They say that a few Jews were seen in Wlokano, and Mr. Beck heard that German gendarmes were searching for them. If this is true, I pray that their luck holds out and protects them from evil. Perhaps their hiding place will not be revealed and they will not fall into German hands. Enough Jewish blood has been spilled thus far! Enough!!

Today, a neighbor arrived at the Beck house. This is frightening. She is a Volksdeutsche, who came from Russia to Zolkiew for a meeting. We are filled with sorrow and great fear. The Germans who came from Russia are very terrifying types. Most of them looked like spies. As the meeting will likely last for a whole week, how will it be possible for us to remain without moving for all of that time? How can we remain hidden without revealing our existence? How the number of tribulations we live through in the hideout have grown. Fire, searches, worries and concern about Mr. Beck's working situation, inundate the house. We have alarms without end when guests are visiting above us. And these are not just ordinary guests. They are Volksdeutsche, like Eisenbart, Shenar and Lang, German gendarmes, military people, etc. They are not just ordinary fish, but Leviathans, real Germans!

Up to this day, God has watched over us. Would this heavenly guardianship also protect us in the future?

This is our second day without light in the hideout. Candles are expensive and we only put on a light if it is a necessity. We stay in the dark for the last few hours of the day. Accordingly I could not write, but there certainly was an overabundance of subjects. Mr. Beck returned after noon and immediately a big scandal broke out. During this event, Mr. Beck hit his wife, and she had a heart attack. Mundek Patrontacz came upstairs in order to rescue her and put her to bed. Mr. Beck left the house.

We learned that Mr. Beck went to his sister-in-law. Instead of convincing him to return home, she made a party for him and invited guests, including Kriegel from the secret police. In the evening, Wladek, the son of Mrs. Beck's sister-in-law, told Mrs. Beck about the party. They spoke about a certain fur coat that Mr. Beck was planning to buy, but he didn't have money with him and came home to get some. The worst thing about this was that this matter became known to Mr. Kriegel of the secret police. Mrs. Beck decided, after a conversation with Mundek, to persuade her husband not to buy this fur coat. When he returned in the afternoon with the fur coat in his hand, it was clear that it was punctured by bullets.

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There was no doubt that this coat belonged to a Jewish woman who was shot while she was still wearing it. Because of this, Mrs. Beck was able to persuade her husband not to buy this suspicious fur coat, because after the war, he might have to go to court over it. He decided to return the coat.

In spite of all this, he left the house without even staying for supper. This demonstrated his unabated anger. Before he left the house, he brought a letter to us in the hideout, in which he stated that he was separating from us and that he had no intention of returning home. Our situation was tragic. The house looked dead. No one came. Mr. Beck's belongings were packed and waiting for them to be removed. Mrs. Beck walked around as if she was poisoned. She is full of envy towards her sister-in-law, because Mr. Beck had moved to live with her. Messrs. Lang and Eisenbart promised Mrs. Beck that they would bring her husband back to her house, but when they went to the sister-in-law to take him home, they remained there too. In short, it was very bad. And worst of all, since Mr. Beck led his life outside the house in this manner, we did not expect that any good will result. We see no way out of such a complicated situation, and we had no option but to remain in our place and wait for heaven's mercy. Perhaps these matters will be straightened out.

The German who knew Aleh came today and said that he had worked hard during four days without a break. He did not have time to shave or wash. He had murdered all of the remaining Jews in the Janow Camp in Lvov.

The Janow Camp was made completely Judenrein; not a single Jew remained. The German told this to Aleh with deliberate silence. He drank a bit of whiskey and joked around and laughed. Weren't there so many victims on his conscience? Could this German not have a conscience? This sadist is spending a night in the room with the radio, which could be discovered, and all of us as well. We will remain alert all night, afraid to fall asleep, so that God forbid, the German will not hear a sound. A murderer like this has well practiced hearing. We hoped that he would leave early in the morning. He was going to lead the Russian volunteers he brought with him from Lvov to the police academy in Mosty', where they would certainly be educated according to the rules of how to be executioners and sadists.

We are very worried about Marc Melman. We do not know his fate after the slaughter at the Janow Camp. Who knows, maybe he was warned by the Oberstrurmbanführer who seemed to like him and wanted to help him. If that is the case, is it possible to believe a German?

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Monday November 22, 1943

The gendarme left early in the morning and returned after the midday meal in the company of one officer who asked to be invited to lodge at the house. What a terrifying prospect! It is not possible to describe the tension in which we were enveloped. And for this, once again, the light was extinguished.

We lit three yahrzeit candles on the anniversary day of the November Aktion that took place on this day. We could not bear to think that a year had already gone by after this bitter day of mass murder. We prayed to God to save us from death in the hideout so that we did not spend a whole year under such torture, and not survive.

I know how a person has such a strong will to live. A man may be bereaved of all his nearest relatives and despite this, wants to live. We spoke about our recollections of events that took place during the November Aktion. We learned afterwards that Hecht personally boarded his parents on the death train to Belzec. He had found out that a doctor had drugged his son with sleep medicine so that the child could not reveal the place where twenty people were hiding together. And what was the final fate of these people? They managed to continue living for several more months and were exterminated in the March Aktion when all of the members of the Judenrat were shot to death. All the people in our hideout lost at least one very close relative, but despite this, everyone wanted to live. And what sort of life was this?

It is 11 PM at night, and the gendarmes are not here yet. We are afraid to fall asleep. To remain still for entire days is a terrible burden, but at night, when our eyes are shut, tired from lack of sleep, the situation is more irritating than hard labor.

The gendarmes did not sleep at the house last night. Nevertheless we had a difficult alarm from noon until nighttime. Units of police arrived in Zolkiew from Mosty'-Wielkie, and one of the police recognized them and brought all of them to the Beck family. At first Mrs. Beck was very panicked, because today was the day of the inspection by the Gestapo of the Zolkiew ghetto. She was certain that the police were there in order to conduct a search at her house. She calmed down only when she saw the familiar gendarme who had been in her house. I can't grasp why they are still consumed with Jews, and why it has not yet become unpalatable to the Gestapo men to murder human beings.

Each day the news broadcast seems worse than before. The Soviets retreated from the Kiev vicinity and the lines of the front were not moving. Everything is organized for a long range stay, and it is hard for us to hold out any further. First, we were left without a cent. The beginning of the month is drawing closer, and we have to pay Mr. Beck 600 Zlotys. We do not have anything left from our belongings to sell. The news is oppressive. We lost our hope to live to the end of the war, but despite this, not one of us has the nerve to commit suicide. Worst of all is that the Beck family is also exhibiting a lot of

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nervousness. We have been hiding here already for a complete year, and there is no end in sight.

A Jew was seized in the city again. They say that this is a Szpringer or Szpindl. Regardless of his name, what is important is the pity for all people. Here and there, a small number of Jews remain. This time the Germans did not succeed in carrying out their intended murder to slaughter him at the end, because the hapless man got ahead of them. He hung himself from the municipal building before they were able to shoot and kill him. Regardless, death is death in all forms, but it is preferable for a person to know that he could kill himself rather than to be put to death by the forces of Hitler.

Things turned for the better yesterday. We regained our hope in one fell swoop even though we are tested by situations that become continuously more demanding. Beck slept in the house this night again, along with Aleh's pilot Adolf. The trouble was that he came without any prior notice. He came in the evening and decided to sleep over. We had not finished eating, we had not used the bathroom. One thing working in our favor, however, was that there was a strong, stormy wind outside, which drowned out all other sounds, both on the ground and under it.

I found an old hat and repaired it and turned it into a muffler hat. It might be possible to sell it and settle our debt.

The pilot, Adolf, left the house early in the morning. Everything went on peacefully, but we had to sit in candle light as the wind had caused the electric wire supports to fall. Mr. Lang came and brought sad news. Four Jews were seized during the night and were shot and killed while trying to flee. The endangered ones were pursued like dogs. Certainly it was hunger that drove them out of their secure hiding place, or maybe they thought that while there was a storm and wind, they would succeed in getting away. Because of this they fell to the talons of the torturers! What a fate!

Adolf stayed until a later hour, and we could not move while he was upstairs. We were able to finally eat our potatoes at about eleven o'clock. Adolf has a six day pass and he is traveling to Dresden. We will be able to rest a bit while he is away, as his residence in the house for a few days caused much tension.

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There are times during an alarm in which I have a strong will to groan about it, but my sound could be heard and could bring footfalls above looking for us.

There was a new sign hanging on the police building. A prize of 20 liters of whiskey, and 5,000 Zlotys was promised to anyone who caught a Jew. What a terrifying revelation! It is possible to infer from the words of Mrs. Beck that the farmer from Zamoczok already had brought a detained Jew to the police, and the glaziers, and farmers were searching for hidden refuges in the city. They pursue Jews like running after animals being hunted in the forest. If one of them should, god forbid, suspect Mr. Beck, he will certainly start to trail after him. Our host is very jumpy. He nervously paces the house without smoking as usual. The fact that complicates our situation is that Mrs. Beck is angry with her sister-in-law because of their dispute over Mr. Beck, and the sister-in-law about our existence. She could certainly reveal where we are hidden, and we have no money with which to bribe her silence.

Mrs. Beck decided today to overcome her feelings of betrayal and to make peace with her sister-in-law. The sister-in-law came to visit the house today and brought the latest news from the city. Three more Jews were found. Two of them, one of whom was Lutringer, had hidden in the attic of the incinerated Synagogue. The third Jew was seized in the pharmacy. This sounded like a fable really, that in the city which the Germans had declared for some time is Judenrein, that a Jew could still be found who openly walked into a pharmacy. Apparently he was wounded and bleeding and risked his life by asking the pharmacist for a bandage. It was possible that he could have been rescued as the pharmacist gave him what he needed to bandage the wounds. But at that instant, a Romanczicka who sold goods in the marketplace came into the pharmacy. This woman was known as an informer who turned in many Jews to the Germans, and the Jews were subsequently put to death because of her. She screamed at the pharmacist for giving a bandage to a Jew instead of turning him over to the police. She began to telephone the police station, and even shut the door so that the Jew would not be able to escape. Meanwhile this hapless man fainted out of fear. The pharmacist had a heart-attack, and after a time was taken to the hospital. The Jew was shot to death.

Mrs. Beck returned from Lvov. She said that the Janow Camp was still in operation, but no Jews remained there. One familiar face, an engineer, gave her detailed information. He said that the fate of Marc Melman was like that of all the others, and even more tragic. Literally, just before the liquidation of the camp, he was sent to bring something back from Czortkow. Meanwhile, the Aktion was initiated in the camp, which lasted for four days. Marc got back there on the fourth day, and because he did not know anything about what was happening, he got into his auto to get to the camp. The

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Obersturmbanführer, who had promised that he would always rescue Melman, was standing at the gate and recognized him. Instead of warning Melman about the danger ahead, the Obersturmbanführer turned him over to the Gestapo. Marc saw what was going on, and began to plead in front of him to let him live, but it didn't help. He died at the hands of the man who faithfully promised to save him. Marc Melman believed in the completeness of the man's conscience and the humanity of a German.

The monotonous nature of the pattern of our lives makes the weeks go by quickly, but every day is like a year to us. The news didn't provide any information and Mundek stopped listening to the radio. Even Zuszya, who was four years old, asked if there was good news on the radio before he went to sleep at night. And she can discern the truth from our reaction to her question. Maybe in December the attack will begin, and why should we be the exception to the rule? The winter will not bring us the liberation we yearn for. It is hard to believe that we will make it to the liberation day. So many Jews have been exterminated. We have been luckier than others.

Today I put the upstairs house in order and I received a small bowl of rainwater for this work. I washed myself and my underwear that had turned black ten days ago. The washing was not an easy task, but it is forbidden to complain about little things.

My mother fell sick. She has terrible headaches, possibly because of aggravation. In the last few days she seems to be literally broken. She is very sorrowful because we don't have money.

There was an uproar in the house today. We didn't hear a quarrel, but Mrs. Beck just packed her things and traveled off. Aleh's belongings were packed as well. We don't know what happened and hope that this matter is resolved well.

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Thursday, December 9, 1943

Aleh and Adolf left in the morning to travel to Lvov. We could not cook because we did not have electricity. Mrs. Beck used to cook potatoes for us, but she had vanished from the house. We slept until four in the afternoon until the electricity came back on, and Aleh returned. Afterwards, the sister-in-law came and stayed until Mr. Beck went out on night guard duty. Mrs. Beck returned rather late in the evening. She opened the floor entrance and gave us bread and potatoes.

Mrs. Beck explained the reason for the uproar in the house. She is envious of her sister-in-law and she decided to leave the house for a few days and not cook until it made an impression on Mr. Beck's mind. She said that she returned home only because of our welfare. She understands that Mr. Beck is unable to care for and feed eighteen people.

Adolf also returned and decided to spend the night here. We had expected to cook something in the evening because we do not have light in the daytime. No matter. We will sleep tomorrow until four in the afternoon.

Mrs. Beck traveled to her husband's sister in Luszczki. Adolf came in the afternoon to visit Aleh. Mr. Beck said that he was going to leave, but before this, he came down to see us. He was in a good mood, and this bolstered our spirits. He was also able to sell our father's underwear for 120 Zlotys, even though my mother only asked for 100 Zlotys. We are fortunate that we have some money with which to cover our debt.

The children caught a cold and are suffering from a runny nose and cough. This is a serious concern, because in the case of an alarm we worry about the noise of the coughing. We can't even dream about having warm bread and butter, much less medication. These are the luxuries.

Mr. Beck heard news from London in the afternoon. A Jew who had escaped from the Warsaw Ghetto, spoke about Polish people in Warsaw who were hiding Jews, and that these people would be rewarded after the war for their noble deeds. Mr. Beck was in a good mood, and even we were gratified, because the last time our host frequently suffered from fits of anger.

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Wednesday, December 15, 1943

Mrs. Beck returned from Zaleszczyki. She told us that terrible hunger is rampant there. The partisans run about in that area and the Germans shoot at everyone, or they hang anyone who they see as suspicious.

The news on the radio is getting better and better. The Soviets have begun a sharp attack. Finally, something is being bruited about.

I assist Aleh in decorating the fir tree. We stayed up until one in the morning and prepared the toys. O, God! Would that a miracle happen and we were able to be free before Christmas!

We found my father's pipe yesterday. It may be possible to clean it and sell it. In addition, Lula is sewing my mother's jacket. She has to remake it from scratch in order to cover the rotting holes. What good fortune that Lula knows how to sew!

Christmas Eve is drawing closer. The right thing to do would be to give some sort of present to the Beck family in honor of the holiday, but we don't have anything. Our best belongings have already been sold. All that is left is my mother's purse. Perhaps we can add something to this, and this will be the present. Ho! If we only had money! We would buy the most beautiful presents for our hosts because truly they deserve it.

Mrs. Beck sold my dress today. She got 200 Zlotys and five kilograms of flour. This was my last dress. I don't necessarily need my dress. If I live, hopefully I will have other dresses. In case the only thing my future holds is a grave, then I don't need anything.

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Friday, December 24, 1943

Each of us will remember this day forever. Once again we experienced the spiritual nobility of our hosts. Lula and I prepared the upstairs of the house. We went over everything as usual, and attempted to be as helpful as possible. Miraculously, none of the neighbors were watching. Before nightfall we gave our meager presents to Mr. Beck, and wished him a happy holiday. Afterwards, Mr. Beck came down to us with a tray of baked goods and whiskey. I cannot even describe this event. Mrs. Beck came to join us, and our hosts exchanged kisses with us, and each person offered good wishes to one another, in the hope that this year, there will be an end to the war, and our salvation after more than twelve months of living in hiding. We all wept from the sheer emotions and full with the feeling of offering thanks to those who have been good to us.

Later, Mrs. Beck brought us a platter of dumplings and the traditional kutya, boiled grain dipped in gravy and honey. And now we are all lying down on our wooden boards, and sated for the first time in many months. The guests, the sister-in-law, Wladek and Adolf are upstairs together, and everyone is singing Christmas songs. In the meantime, a quiet death pervades us. I have one question in my heart. How will it be possible for us to reward the Beck family for their justice? And even if we do not remain alive, at least let them be saved, and let them be lucky, because they deserve it.

Our good spiritual mood was ended by the news that yet another Jew had been seized in the city. Apparently it was Miszko Segal. It was said that he was very hungry, and came to Kama Glogowska. To our sorrow, Germans visited her, and instead of telling Segal to flee, she called to the Germans to take him to the police.

There were many guests upstairs today. They played and they sang Christmas songs, while we lay below without moving. Our hearts broke as we heard their songs and merriment, knowing that thousands of our people were exterminated, their bodies rotting in Belzec, or in some orchard. But this is not everything yet. The day before yesterday, at midnight, groups came singing Christmas songs, and they began to mimic Jews. Mr. Beck, who wanted to control himself at all costs, said that they should go to the orchard. They began to joke at this suggestion, and shout and wail and groan like those who were sacrificed to tragic deaths. Where are their consciences?

But when the guests left the house our hosts revealed their true selves. Aleh invited all the children to come upstairs. She showed the fir tree to Zigusz and Igo aged nine, Karolina aged seven, and Zuszya, who was four years old. She gave a small bag of sweets to each child. The children were enchanted because they didn't expect such a pleasant surprise.

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Monday, December 27, 1943

The news from the front improves from time to time. The Soviets did well on the front near Zhitomir. An important warship, the Scharnhorst was sunk, and the Soviets began to jail hordes of Ukrainians. I don't share in Ukrainian sorrow for they wanted the Germans to come. It is good that they should feel the danger. They are despicable souls, betrayers, turning to all sides, depending on which way the wind is blowing. They sensed the downfall of the Germans, and that is why they turned their backs on them.

Today four Jews were brought to Zolkiew in order to be shot. Manusz, the owner of the leather factory, was among them. It seems he hid with another Jew at the home of a farmer in the village of Dzhilbuski. The other Jew who was with him did not have money and so the farmer threw him out. This man knew about a hiding place in Zamoczok, in the home of a villager, Rik, whose masters had been sent to Siberia by the Soviets. He also knew that two Jews were hiding in this place. He set out to reach the house, and unfortunately, was seized by farmers from Zamoczok who tortured him until he revealed the hiding place of Manusz and the other Jews. Something like this would not happen to us, even if we did not have any money. Our hosts were not protecting us for money. But not all of them are honest like the Beck family. Even today we are proven right in this regard.

Mrs. Klara had turned over many of her possessions to be guarded by Zhapitzki, whose reputation was that he was one of the most honest people in Zolkiew. Today, Klara sent Mrs. Manya (Mr. Beck's sister) to him, as Mrs. Manya was not known in Zolkiew. She brought a letter in which Mrs. Klara asked to have her belongings returned to her, but Zhapitzki refused to return a thing. What a disappointment! Mrs. Klara had put so much hope in retrieving her possessions.

Lula finished sewing my mother's coat. It is beautiful and looks new. We hope to sell it at a good price. I made a sweater for Mr. Melman and he traded it for 20 kilograms of flour. I am proud of this. In general, I am gratified when one of us is successful in selling some of their possessions. The people in our hideout need money so that we are able to continue our existence. Mrs. Beck told us today that Adolf babbled today, and said that very soon a revolution will break out and reveal a schism in Germany, even before the arrival of the Soviets. If only this prediction would come true! Apart from this, it is heartening that this is the opinion of a German pilot.

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Friday, December 31, 1943

Today, Lula and I were nearly seized while we were upstairs. We cleaned the room close to the kitchen, which was where the radio was kept. Mr. Beck gave us a sign that there was a stranger in the kitchen. We went out into the corridor in order to get to the room with the entry to the hideout. We were surprised to see that the door to the kitchen was open. We had to withdraw and go through Aleh's room, since there was also a way to enter the cellar though there. It was open, and happened to be just opposite the kitchen. In cases of this sort, it was an obstacle to get by without being seen. We felt like we were in a trap, but we had to do something. At any moment, the man could enter the room. Lula and I began to retreat backwards, with our backs to the wall, and partially closed the door. We opened the floor entry door in a blink of an eye and went down to the hideout. We were frightened by this event. Since we could not utter a sound, we communicated by bumping into each other. Finally, I whispered a couple of words to calm the people in the hideout who were even more panicked than we were. They thought that we had been detected. I thank God that everything worked out well. We will attribute this terrifying experience to the change in year. Let us hope that the new year will be better.

The new year began with a good omen for us. In the morning, Mr. Beck gave us a letter with blessings, and we immediately went downstairs in order to convey the contents of the news, which was outstanding. Yes, the offensive stretched across the entire length of the front. Zhitomir was now again in Soviet hands. Mr. Beck brought rolls and whiskey with him, and we each wished one another the best in the new year. This was not all. When we gave our monthly rent to Mr. Beck for January, he returned 200 Zlotys of the 600 Zlotys we paid him, and similarly he gave Lula 50 Zlotys from the 150 zlotys that she gave him. He said he knew that we had no money, and he wanted to ease our financial burden until the end of the new year. What refinement! We were so moved, to the extent that we could not utter a sound.

The gendarmes came to the Beck family at night. Their spokesman offered a blessing for a good new year and he remained in the house until three o'clock in the morning. We did not panic because we were aware of his arrival, but we were compelled to stay awake all night. Nobody got any sleep and we also were very hungry. We have been tightening our belts, and pretty soon there will be nothing to tighten. We limited the portions of food we had to half a liter of milk for five people and a portion of 7 kilograms of potatoes a day. Luckily, the cheap bread cost 10 Zlotys per kilogram, and we allowed ourselves to eat one loaf of bread over three days, and not four days as we had been doing.

[Page 467]

Monday January 3, 1944

I was just upstairs with Mundek listening to the radio. The news is exceptional. The Soviets are already fifteen kilometers from the Polish border and they are getting close to Vynnitsia and Berdichev. God! It is hard to believe that a good event is nearing. We have become used to the idea that we will never get out of this hole alive.

Mr. Beck believes all of the daily news. Every time he comes to the floor entry, he tells us the news. Today, Bela Tserkva was captured in a storm! The Soviets have crossed the Polish border and part of the city of Berdichev is already in their hands. Our host requested that Mr. Melman come upstairs and fix the electricity. This was just a pretense. In fact, Mr. Beck wanted Mr. Melman to hear the news from London.

The Germans shut down a German gymnasium in Lvov. Lang's daughter was a student there, as a Volksdeutsche. She was forced to return home.

The Polish government in exile in London decided to help the Soviets on Polish soil. The Poles are not able to help much, but it is important to us because Mr. Beck is very supportive.

Mrs. Beck sold the hat I had made a while ago, sewn from an old hat. Thank God, she got 130 Zlotys for it. If she could also sell my mother's coat, we would have a lot of money.

We don't know why Dr. Luczynski is with Mr. Beck this morning. He brought news that the Soviets are pitilessly murdering people on captured land, and this news had a staggering effect. Immediately after Dr. Luczynski left, Mr. Beck said he really wanted to run away from Zolkiew, out of fear, but he will stay with us until the end, even if he pays for it with his life. We tried to prove to him that a great reward awaited him for what he has done for us. He seemed to believe this because we heard him singing upstairs, which is a sign of his very good mood.

Mr. Beck asked us to prepare lists of our possessions. We had promised him 25% of all our property holdings if he was able to save our lives until liberation. We willingly gave him these lists. There cannot be any adequate payment of material goods in return for his wonderful deeds, for this man has endangered his life and the lives of his family for over a year. He said to us, ‘there are difficulties that still wait for us,’ and his prediction was correct.

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He was ordered to free up another room in the house. It is certain that some German officer will be put in it, and our circumstances will once again get complicated. How will the Becks bring us water? When will we be able to clean out our pails?

The most heartening news today was that the Soviets are getting close to Szyvtowka, that is to say, on the road towards us. We no longer needed anything else as the news from the front was a cure from all pain.

Kirovograd and Vynnitsia were captured by the Soviet army. Who knows whether we can expect a day of surrender. It is possible we will no longer have to sit in the hideout for reasons of security. We are getting ready to dig a crossing-tunnel to the cellar.

Today was not easy. There was a commotion upstairs all day. Apparently something happened in connection with the sister-in-law. In the afternoon, our host heard a news item from Russia, that western Ukraine and Belorussia will be added to Soviet Russia. Mr. Beck was angered by this because he is a staunch Polish patriot, and wanted Poland to remain whole. This doesn't affect us, but we wanted to see Mr. Beck in good spirits.

People who lived for a hundred years certainly did not experience the things we were subjected to in one hour. There is no tale which can describe the likes of the adventures that occurred in our everyday life, as if these adventures were routine. We slept until four o'clock in the afternoon because there was no electricity. We didn't cook, and we didn't eat, because Mrs. Beck had disappeared from the house. Everything looked in place, but suddenly in one minute we were seized by a fear so great that I cannot calm down. Adolf came in the evening to see Aleh, and he invited himself to sleep in the house. Our pails were full because we did not have the time to empty them. A dangerous entity was in the next door room. Without paying attention to the fact that there was such a dangerous guest in the next room, Mundek went upstairs in bare feet, but he was noisy. The door to the room was closed, and Mr. Beck stood guard, but it was dangerous nonetheless. We feared that Adolf would suddenly open the door and be able to see Mundek. Fortunately this did not happen. Mundek returned to the hideout, pale and shook up, and he closed the floor entry after him.

[Page 469]

Friday, January 14, 1944

The news is very good. Sarny is in the hands of the Soviet army, and the fighting is close to Vilna. Despite this, the days seem very long. We sit and hope for something new, and lose patience, because we have nothing to do for such a long time. Essentially, we became disgusted with everything. It seemed to me there was nothing worse than having to stay like this. A human is made to be similar to an animal: they get up in the morning, eat a piece of bread with coffee and potato soup. More potatoes for supper, and then again go back to sleep on a dirty platform when night comes again.

Today's news is also good. Mr. Beck heard the Declaration of the Polish Country, and he is pleased about it, and so are we. We have already prepared our lists which are tucked in the straw, so that we will be able to reward these noble people.

The Soviet Agency, Tass, informs us that the Soviet government does not want to recognize the Polish government in London, and demands that it be changed. This news upset Mr. Beck and the matter rightly influenced his mood. Worse still, is that the Germans are likely to take advantage of this matter to aid their undertakings.

The news reaching us from the front is very good. The Soviet army is about 30 kilometers from Rovno. The Germans are still fighting in the surroundings of Vinnytsia, but they are being forced to retreat.

Adolf again spent the night upstairs, but this is not a novelty to us. We managed to empty the pails before he came.

We gave Mr. Beck the lists of our belongings today, and he treated us to whiskey, so that he will earn ‘good health’ in his time. While standing in the train station today, Mr. Beck saw a train full of refugees who had fled from Dubno. They were in very bad condition. They looked like paupers, and although hungry for bread, they were not permitted to get off and go into the city to buy anything. Upon seeing the condition of the refugees, who were eventually released, Mr. Beck lost all of his desire to flee from our location.

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Stagnation pervades the city. Nobody buys anything, and Mrs. Beck is not able to sell anything. We thought it would be easy to sell my mother's coat, but this was not the case. I don't know what will be, because we are left without even a cent.

Mrs. Beck was talking with one of the refugees from Dubno. She found out this morning that the city had been shelled. She asked if people were being murdered in the area, and the refugee answered that there is no basis for believing these stories, because it is all propaganda.

Five hundred refugees reached Zolkiew. We were afraid that some of them would be assigned to the Beck residence. Nevertheless, we are glad that this happened, and that the Germans are leaving Rovno and Dubno. Mr. Beck is supposed to arrive at night in order to listen to the news. Perhaps he will hear something good.

A great deal of movement is stretched out along the road. Vehicles are traveling without stopping. And what is this to us? According to yesterday's news, the Soviets had a great victory in Leningrad. As of Thursday, they had captured Novgorod. But what about us?

Mundek listened to the news at eight o'clock in the morning. English and American armies arrived in Italy. There was a landing party in the vicinity of Rome, and they are moving without interference and entering what is literally an empty area with no trace of Germans.

The Soviets are advancing full steam ahead on the other side of Leningrad, between the Pripet and Berezna rivers. There is movement everywhere, but our lives are stagnating. Unfortunately, there isn't any news about Rovno. General Eisenhower, the Commander-in-Chief of the American forces, predicts that there will be an attack in Europe in the near future that will determine Germany's final defeat. The question is, when?

[Page 471]

Monday, January 24, 1944

It is quiet today, no news. At night, the gendarmes came and stayed until a late hour when they finally left together with Mr. Beck, all of them completely drunk.

There is no daily news on the radio that would indicate any change for us.

I think that Mr. Beck was in a gloomy mood the other day because Lang stopped visiting him. Lang's wife forbade him to come to Beck's house. In the end, though, Lang's wife refused to admit him into her house, because he had stayed here, and she is suspicious that he is carrying on with Mr. Beck's sister-in-law. Schmidt is now the visiting guest here on a daily basis. We are worried because Schmidt is very dangerous and even speaks ill of Mr. Beck.

We liked Lang a great deal, despite the fact that we never saw his face. We once heard that he had expressed sorrowful feelings about the tragedy of the Jews. I cannot forget his words: ‘When I am reminded of an Aktion against the Jews, I feel certain that an hour of vengeance will come. And if I have made a mistake in my heart I will stop believing in God.’ It is clear that his statements raised the spirits of our host, and he saw that people still exist who think like him. But people of Mr. Lang's class do not have the strength to hide Jews.

It started to snow a week ago. The rain creates muddy swamps when spring comes, and leaves no memory of the snow. The snow and swamps also leave their stamp on the battlefield. The Soviets captured Krasnov-Gvardeysk. Should we celebrate? But these battles are happening so far from us. The news about the political situation is not bad, and a positive solution emerged for the Polish-Soviet dispute. Mr. Kohl from the United States has informed Russia that it had a right to open a discussion with the Polish government. It is not known what they will discuss, but Mr. Beck is still favorably inclined to this, and we too, feel satisfied and happy. We also heard on the radio that the neutral countries have ended all relations with Germany. Spain, Sweden, Portugal and Turkey stopped sending goods to Germany. They have finally recognized it is time for this, although it should have been done many months ago.

Mr. Beck's house is situated beside a road. Therefore, we knew he was likely to be surprised by uninvited guests. A unit of soldiers went by on this road today, and one vehicle broke down. It stopped in front of the house and three soldiers emerged and invited themselves to lodge in the house. They said that their commanding officer had traveled to Lvov in order to get spare parts and he ordered them to wait for him here.

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God knows, if they attempt to lengthen their stay in this place, we will suffer in the meantime. I also do not know in which room they will stay. I hope it is not the room directly above us which is cold and unfinished except that it often serves as a room full of beds. Mr. Beck and his wife sleep in the room with the radio.

When the soldiers traveled on their way this morning, we noticed that Mr. Beck's lighter had disappeared. Before leaving, the soldiers sold a garment to Mr. Beck which had previously belonged to a Jew. Mr. Beck showed us this garment and we saw that it was completely covered with moth holes. Mr. Beck managed to get all his money back.

Mr. Beck was very excited today because he had heard on the radio that the Union of Polish Émigrés in the United States had decided to assist the Polish government in London, and they were ready to send a telegram to the Polish government about their decision.

There have been some local murders. All of the victims were mostly from Polish families, or people of Polish origin, living in a village, in forest huts, or on the periphery of the city. Today, the funeral of a 17 year-old boy and his 14 year-old sister, residents of a forest hut, passed by us. Mr. Beck is walking around as if frozen by a demon, and he is afraid that they may attack his house, because, as everyone knows, he goes out at night for guard duty, and the women are left by themselves. He asked us to leave the entry to the hideout unlocked and open, and take turns standing watch, so Mrs. Beck and Aleh can hide with us in case of danger.

It is interesting to note that the German gendarmes do not deal at all with the investigation of these incidents of murder. If a person kills a bully of this kind out of self-defense, the German police pass over the body without doing anything. Mr. Beck believes that the murders are the work of the Germans who pretend they are Ukrainians, who are interested in encouraging hostility and dispute between the Poles and the Ukrainians. Perhaps he is right. It is possible to attribute just about anything to them, as they always stand ready to commit murder.

[Page 473]

Valenti Beck, The Volksdeutsche Pole that saved 18 Jews in the bunker in his house

Mr. Beck returned from work at one o'clock at night. He saw Mundek, who was standing guard beside the floor entry, and called to him, to come and hear the good news. The Russians are nearing Estonia, the American army is 35 kilometers from Rome, and there is talk of a European invasion. But there was no change with regard to our situation. There is so much talk of an invasion, but it is not known when it will happen.

I have to make a correction. Mr. Beck did not understand what last week's news meant. It became clear that England and the United States have stopped sending merchandise to Spain, but not, as was reported, that Spain stopped sending its goods to Germany. It is better this way to stop sending goods to Spain, because whatever reached Spain ended up in Germany.

Today, Mundek listened to the news in German. I believe that the daily news broadcast in German is more detailed than the English broadcast. There is more news about the Eastern front on the German news, which is of greater interest to us, and the English radio is centered more on news from the northern front. The Germans no longer mention their victories, and say nothing about the Russian assaults that they face.

Mr. Beck came down today and told us what he heard from the English station. He said that a commission was meeting in London to galvanize the armies to bring about the end of the war before the middle of March in order to rescue the remnants of Polish Jewry. The Joint in America donated 25,000 Lirot Sterling, and the Polish government donated 15,000 Lirot Sterling for the Jews who remained alive. I am not of the opinion that there are many people like Mr. Beck, who will protect the lives of eighteen Jews.

Today is the first of the month, and we have to pay rent. Mr. Patrontacz gave only half the sum, and my father turned over my mother's wedding ring to the Becks. We felt that our host would not be pleased, but he took the ring without comment. May God reward him for his great heart.

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Wednesday, February 2, 1944

Barely an hour later, the pharmacist listened to the London news. The news is more than good, but I prefer the news in German. The Germans are surrendering everywhere. They admit their retreats, even if the English radio is reporting only the great victories, and not the lesser ones. They report that the victory beside Leningrad is more important than the one at Stalingrad. Mrs. Beck gave us 2 kilograms of the fat of a pig. I know what she sold in exchange for these products.

Rovno and Lutsk have been captured! The German radio provided us with this encouraging news. It appears that the Soviet army drove a deep wedge into their lines. Even as the German radio reported the loss of these two cities, it is simply hard to believe. Lutsk is very close to us. We heard a little about the city of Rovno, to the point that we put no hope on reaching this city, and the same for Lutsk. The Russians are also attacking along Shepetovka with access to the sea, in the arc of the Dnieper river. The lines have been uprooted on the Italian front, and we are hoping for a European invasion by the Allies very soon.

However, imprisoned here, a death sentence hangs over our heads, but each ray of hope gives us strength to maintain our position.

News from the front is very good. Although large cities have not been captured, there is fighting in the streets of Nikopol. The Soviets have surrounded ten German divisions beside the Dnieper river. The Germans are getting ammunition by airplane, but it doesn't look like they will be able to hold on for long.

In Mosty'-Wielkie they cleaned out a school for the police, the city is full of refugees from Sokal, and chaos reigns. Every resident wants to sell his belongings and flee. Their prices carried a loss for them after they took pleasure from the robbery of Jewish goods. The Jews worked for years in order to obtain their goods, and in one day, they became the property of others. Mrs. Beck recognized the coat that Salutska wore, as having belonged to my grandfather.

[Page 475]

Sabbath, February 5, 1944

Today Mr. Beck related a piece of sad news. Two Jewish women were seized. Since they had Aryan papers they were able to survive for some time, but now, someone informed on them, and the Germans transported them to Lvov.

God, what a tragedy. They suffered and were tortured for a whole year, and now they are doomed to die, so close to the liberation! Look at these murderers! Even now they have the time to pursue and search for Jews!

It is interesting to know that the informer was someone who could not accept the idea that two Jewish women had the nerve to remain alive. It is clear that these are the same Germans from the police school who were in the city for one night and then returned to Mosty'. If the winter had only become very cold, perhaps we might already be liberated.

Fate began to be on our side. Perhaps we will be privileged to be among those who get through this war intact. The weather changed unexpectedly. It became intensely cold at night, and today it snowed all day.

The daily news is very good. Approximately 210 nearby locations were captured, and the Russians have control near Shepetovka, and from there, the road leads to Lvov, that is to say, on the way to us. And for another piece of good news, Mrs. Beck said that the workers in the glass factory are fleeing. Others have already left today, and even Domretzky is getting ready to travel. Go, leave! After all, you are Volksdeutsche, the worst of all sectors. You creeps! It was them, really them, who trailed after the Jew and informed on them, searched for hideouts, went around dishonestly, and brought the jumpers from the train who escaped one trap only to be trapped in the next, plundering their money, and turning them over to the military police.

But all of these deeds will not pass without retribution and vengeance! If I remain alive, I will not rest until I find Schitling, the man who took out Manya to be killed. There is no punishment severe enough for these murderers, such as von Papa for example, who used to grab children by their legs and smash their heads with force on the walls of the palace.

A shoemaker by the name of Szarut was among the sixty Jews who remained alive after the April Aktion to clean out the ghetto. Von Papa himself took him out of the crowd during the Aktion, because he needed him. To his bad luck, Szarut cut his finger while sawing wood. Von Papa sent him to the hospital to have the wound bandaged, and after almost an hour, they took him to the cemetery and shot him to death, like a dog. One might think that von Papa was a young man, a member of the Hitler Jugend, but the opposite was true. At that time he was 69 years old. My mind cannot grasp such a thing.

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Monday, February 7, 1944

The city of Zolkiew was mentioned in the daily news for the first time! Master of the Universe! This is a major event! The Russian troops moved to the southeast to Rovno, directly on the road to Lvov! They even broke through the line near Nikopol. The ten German divisions along the Dnieper River were in bad shape as they had no food. In truth, the daily news is glorious! Even the weather is helping, as it is bitterly cold. Pray that it continues in this way until the end of the week.

Mr. Beck called Mundek to listen to the daily news. And here is a jolt to the soul! The doorbell rang, and Mundek had to flee. Only afterwards did we learn that Nikopol had been captured. This raised our spirits, because the Dnieper in this location is still in German hands. And now, here come the gendarmes to inspect the house at eleven o'clock at night. We hope that they will leave soon because Mr. Beck is not in the house.

A fleet of German freight trucks and wagons harnessed to pairs of horses went by our house today. The wagons were loaded with wheat and machines. Mr. Beck called to Mundek to come to the window so that he could see with his own eyes how the Napoleons were fleeing, a sight worth remembering. We don't have the strength to wait a minute more for the beginning of the great retreat.

Mr. Beck was very nervous today. At this time, one murder follows another murder, and one plunder after another. He requested that we stand guard at night and keep the floor entry door open regardless of what happens. He had heard that in Lvov they murdered the sitting leader, and in Stanislawska they captured a German vehicle and killed three officers.

In another location a letter-carrier was assaulted and robbed of his money. The identities of all of these attackers is unknown. It could be the work of the Germans themselves. These murderers are capable of any form of misdeeds. Gendarmes left for Stanislawka in two tanks, but they did not find anybody and returned just as they left.

Mrs. Beck sold a number of items belonging to each of us today, and this is how we got 900 Zlotys, which was a lot for us. The cold outside is intense, and the cold is the dangerous enemy of the Germans.

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Friday, February 11, 1944

Szpetovka has been captured! Joy and happiness! Now the road to Lvov is open! The second news item is that they landed a force on the shore of Stanislawka. At first we did not believe this report was real, but by noon we heard that they had bombed a train in Dobroczynne. Outside, soldiers wearing white armbands are circulating with machine guns in their hands. What does this mean? We didn't find out exactly, but it was clear that the day of our liberation was drawing close.

Two things occurred today, evidence that there are already forces landing in the surrounding areas. There was fighting going on between divisions of partisans and Germans, and the Germans were forced to retreat in the province of Lubitz-Krolewski, a location with large forests.

The second item was literally a miracle. A German airplane was fired at from nearby, it was hit and brought down. It appears that the pilot was flying the plane very low. I don't want to dwell on this, but the important thing is they are starting to hit the Germans from the rear. This is very important for us. It is good that the gendarmes have to contend with the partisans now. Maybe they will forget about us and stop searching for Jews.

There was an important update on the radio news today. Russia sent a warning letter through diplomatic circles to Hungary and threatened to bomb Budapest if they did not pull back their troops from the eastern front.

To my disappointment, however, there was a serious deterioration on our domestic front. Mr. Beck's sister-in-law sent him flowers today for his birthday, but the flowers arrived anonymously. Wladek, the son of the sister-in-law, came with the delivery man, and he brought a similar bouquet of flowers in an identical arrangement. This caused a commotion in the house. There was no way we could help in this instance. Due to our situation we are mostly interested in a friendly relationship between Beck, his sister-in-law and her son, Wladek, who are aware of our existence and could possibly turn us over to the Germans at any time. However, we are saddened that Mrs. Beck is suffering so much.

The days are like an eternity to us. We live in constant anticipation for the day when we will be able to emerge from the hideout and be free. The news is good. The Russians have captured Dubno, and landing corps are at the close villages of Wala and Lipin. I believe that many Jews have joined this army. I heard from Kuba that the Jews have also fled to the forests. He said that the Jews from the camp at Mosty'-Wielkie joined groups of partisans in the forests. Kuba already held a revolver in his hands, but at the last minute decided to come to us instead of going out into the forests.

A gendarme officer returning from his furlough came to the Beck house from Mosty'. He said that he feared for his life at this time, and made his way to Mosty' because the partisans were attacking the Germans. What to do? It looks like he will sleep here tonight.

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We could not clean out the pails earlier because there were guests circulating above. Finally, Mrs. Beck called Mundek and told him to take out the pails while she raised the volume on the radio. I don't want to think what would happen if a gendarme wanted to go to the bathroom.

Today is Mr. Beck's birthday. We are happy that Mrs. Beck baked a roll for her husband and they reached a festive compromise with each other. For the entire day we were constrained by a condition of alarm because Mr. Beck and his spouse were receiving guests. Dr. Luczynski is now visiting with them. We wish they would all leave. Maybe the radio will bring us good news. But, once again, we hear the ring of the doorbell, a harbinger of the arrival of new guests. I can make out the voices of two German gendarmes and a Ukrainian militia policeman. They must have known that today is Mr. Beck's birthday, and they came to drink whiskey. These are the people he knows and they visit him regularly at his place of work.

It is a peculiar situation. German gendarmes come nearly every day to sleep with the Becks, and their tenants under the floor consist of eighteen Jews. Is there another place like this anywhere in the entire world?

After the guests left at one o'clock at night, Mr. Beck came down to us with a bottle of whiskey to drink a l'chaim in honor of his birthday. Unfortunately Mr. Beck was in a bad mood, probably caused by things his guests had said, especially, Dr. Luczynski. Luczynski announced that he knew that Jews were hiding under the floor in a house on ul. Zolkiewska, among them, the convert Fundik, whose wife, a Christian, lives with Luczynski at his house. Dr. Luczynski said that he fears retribution. And he also said that they took away the guns and ammunition from the German gendarmes in Magierow and shot them to death on the spot. Among them was a Pole whom they were going to release, but there was a Jew among the partisans who ordered to shoot that Polish man, saying that this Pole is no better than the Germans. As you can understand this story made a deep impression on Mr. Beck.

There has been more stagnation in the last days. They were pleasant days, and we thought that the liberation was so close! And again we are confronted with futile news. The cold is now at its most intense, but nothing is happening in the meantime. Radio London is reporting only on the northern front, even though the Germans are surrendering to the Soviets, who are attacking the entire length of the front. I have no idea what this all means. Is radio London not telling us everything?

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Thursday, February 17, 1944

Adolf returned today from a three week furlough he spent in Germany. He came to see Aleh, and stayed with her all afternoon. This doesn't change anything for us since during his absence, other guests came to play cards almost every day during which time we were limited by the state of constant alarm.

Adolf brought a news item that was very cheerful (the last news broadcast indicated a bad omen), that in Gorodok, the train of a landing force was bombed. Aleh saw telegrams from Kamenets-Podolsk to Germany in the post office which reported on the cleaning out of Kamenets. It would appear that the Germans feel that their situation there is not particularly secure.

Finally a breath of life entered the daily news! Ten German divisions surrounding the Dnieper in an arc were completely wiped out. The Soviets sent an ultimatum to Germany three times, and even proposed conditions for surrender, but Hitler ordered the soldiers to fight until the end. He promised to send support troops, but they never arrived. It was reported that 9,200 were killed, captives and ammunition were seized. I do not understand why the soldiers did not surrender on their own knowledge, for surely they must have understood what sort of end awaited them.

We now have a new aggravation. A man named Schultz began to visit Mr. Beck to play cards together, but Mrs. Beck considers him to be a very dangerous guest. He is all ears. Every time he hears a whisper-like sound, or a knock, he gets up from his place and begins to listen. Does he suspect that Mr. Beck is concealing Jews, or is he afraid of partisans? Today, for example, a cat came in and jumped around the kitchen. Mr. Schultz got up from his seat and asked: ‘who is coughing?’ Mrs. Beck opened the door to the kitchen and showed him the cat, who began to sneeze at that time. We don't know what to think, but in any case it is clear that we have to be very careful and be mindful of such events.

We had more than the usual difficulties in the hideout for some days. There was a commotion upstairs on the Sabbath. Mrs. Beck broke the vase that her husband had received from his sister-in-law for his birthday. Mr. Beck lost it completely, became angry and hit her, and then left the house. He went to his sister-in-law and returned the next morning only to listen to the news. He stayed in the house all morning. Despite the pleading and requests by his wife and Aleh, he refused to eat his lunch and left again. Mrs. Beck went out of the house in the afternoon as well. Nobody remained inside, and there were always people ringing the doorbell. Sometimes they rang loudly and without stopping until they finally left. During the morning hours we ignored the knocking on the window opposite the floor entry. We thought it was Mrs. Beck, who forgot to take her key with her, because who else was going to knock on the window of this room

[Page 480]

where the floor entry was? A stranger would not do this! Despite this, we did not dare to open the door. Finally, the knocking stopped, but our turmoil did not. The knocking began again two hours later, but this time we heard Mrs. Beck's voice. She was acting as if her sister was in the house and slow in opening the door. She called out, ‘Manya, Manya! Open up. It is me, Yulia with Aleh.’ Mundek went upstairs and let them into the house. It was Mrs. Beck who had knocked earlier. She thought her husband had returned home. Seeing he was not here, she went to the movies with Aleh. It was all so simple, and yet it was all so complicated.

For several days the electricity has gone out for an hour each day, and we are forced to sit in the dark. It appears that the management of the electric plant does this to avoid danger, but one day of no electricity for us is like a whole month of days to the German population. But each resident organizes his allocation of electricity in his own way. The matter is not our concern because if they seize us, God forbid, and take us out for execution, they will not do it for the need of electricity, but because we are Jews.

Mundek listened to the radio news at night. The only report on the Eastern front is that the Soviets captured Krivoy-Rug. Mundek also heard excerpts from Churchill's speech. Sorrowfully, the conclusion one can extract from his words is that our expectations for the future are worse. Churchill predicts that the bombing of German cities will continue into the summer, and that this bombing will provide the entry way for the invasion of the Allies into Europe. If this is the case, the invasion will not happen before summer. My mother suffered convulsions out of sorrow after hearing this speech. But I stopped getting emotional. What will be, will be, and despite all this, hope flickers in my heart that we will get through these difficult days in peace.

The news we heard was better today, but the report deals specifically with the conduct of the war on the northern front. People in that sector are expecting liberation. Look, most of Europe is under the heel of the Germans, but in these awesome days, everyone worries about their own skin. Everybody wants to live, but so long as there are Germans in Zolkiew, the decree for us is one of death.

[Page 481]

Friday, February 25, 1944

The news was not favorable for us for the entire week. There was a report yesterday about the capture of the city of Chelm. Could this be an important news item, if the Germans themselves admit this? But all of this is at a considerable distance from us, and meanwhile our situation gets more complicated. This morning, Lula and I cleaned the house. Mr. Beck ordered us to turn on the oven in Aleh's room so that the flowers he received as a gift from his sister-in-law would not wilt in the cold. Mrs. Beck strongly objected to this, and said in opposition, not to waste electricity on flowers. A storm started in the house. Lula and I were put in an unpleasant position. We could not ignore Mr. Beck's words, and similarly we wanted to please our hostess, who grew pale and burst out into hysterical tears. Then, we heard a ring at the door. Thankfully Lula and I had to quickly retreat to the hideout. Our hosts made up for a bit of time after the outburst, but circumstances forced this to happen. The authorities designated the Beck family house as a residence for two of the German workers on the train. Our hosts moved into to Aleh's room and gave the German workers a room as far as possible away from us. The skeptics in our hideout were of the opinion that we were all lost. But I comforted them, by saying that as long as they are alive, they must not lose hope. We will try to get along in complete silence, so we will not be heard. After all, all our lives depended on it. It was good that I had been able to bathe before they came. Who knows when I will be able to do so again.

Our situation now is very difficult, and I don't know if we will be able to withstand it. Today we had a difficult test. Our guests spent almost the whole day in Aleh's room, meaning the room directly above our hideout, because the radio was in that room. The train workers returned home at night. Mr. Beck went to work and Aleh also left the house because she worked as a night guard at the post office. Mrs. Beck remained alone in the whole house. Suddenly, little Zuszya burst out crying in the hideout. In the blink of an eye, the little girl was covered with a pillow to muffle her crying. We deceived ourselves by believing that nobody heard her, but Mrs. Beck knocked on the floor entry with a voice trembling with a plea that for God's sake we should be silent. The train workers had not yet gone to sleep. They were reading newspapers, she said in a whisper. We did not know if they heard anything. It would be bad if they had. As their room was far away from our hiding place, maybe the sound of the little girl crying didn't reach them. In any event, we were very angry and after this, none of us believed we would remain alive. Even I, always the optimist, lost hope.

And so what shall we do? Outside meant certain death. None of us had another place in which to hide, and none of us had a friend in the world who was prepared to hide us.

[Page 482]

Monday, February 28, 1944

Thank God the day went by peacefully. The train workers left in the afternoon and we emptied the pails, received our ration of food and closed the floor entry door behind us. By seven at night, the pails were full again, and we were forced to hold it in and not take care of our needs. Who got emotional about this? No one. We were used to such conditions. There was movement upstairs the whole time before guests came, but they did not use the room above us. Rather, they were in the room where the train workers stayed and where the radio was kept. The train workers had turned on the oven, and it was warm and pleasant in their room, and everyone went in there. We could breathe a little easier. We limited our careful walking and we brought the pails from the corridor into the hideout as the corridor was longer, and sounds were louder and more clear in this place.

However, there was an awful odor from the pails. What to do? We were forced to exist this way because we were living in a hideout and not in our homes. The unfortunate people who were transported to Belzec had to take care of their bodily functions in the train cars on their way to death. At least we were still alive.

Mr. Beck brought us some news today. Kasparski, an acquaintance of his, came from Volodymyr-Volinski and told him that there was no one in charge of the police station there. There were no Germans, and no Soviet army. They vanished. Oh. God! When will we see such a state in Zolkiew?

Today we took out the pails while the train workers were still here but the danger is too great to repeat this. The train workers don't have work yet, they are waiting for instructions. They don't have contact with their group and so they sit for entire days in the house. They go out only for lunch in the Casino. We cannot rest, not by day and not by night. We kept our own day watch and night watch. The person on guard lets us know if someone arrives or leaves the house, and even if they go to the toilet. Then one needs to guard the silence and the absence of movement. We cannot make noise during sleep, so at night, the guard makes sure nobody snores, and as understood, the children were not permitted to cry.

We heard that there was a conflict with partisans in Dobroczynne. The battle went on all night and even during the next day. Good and nice, but when will we feel the results? Up till now we have seen nothing!

March has already arrived. The end of winter brought nothing new other than driving rain and melting snow. Again, there is stagnation at the front. The situation we are in is not encouraging. We are healthy, but our hopes are frequently dashed because of the

[Page 483]

unceasing alarms. Every slight movement that causes noise in the hideout affects us. While eating, we tremble at every sound of the clank of a spoon on the plate. We eat potatoes with our hands in order to eliminate sound. Our difficult situation is debilitating. A heavy cloud of hunger threatens us. The last of our money is gone from our pockets, and will not suffice to keep us till the end of March. If our financial situation were better we could eat bread instead of boiled potatoes. In contrast to this, I was pleased when the electricity went out today before noon. No one could do anything, total silence reigned, and our limbs became entirely relaxed.

An unexpected guest arrived today at the Beck family for a drink of whiskey. It was Hans, the same German gendarme who conducted a search of our house last year. His visit triggered all of the memories of the nightmare of the past several days.

Mr. Beck told us this morning that Finland and Russia had signed a cease-fire agreement. We were initially elated, but to our dismay, Mr. Beck came down at night to tell us that Finland had not agreed to the terms of the agreement and it was not concluded.

A misunderstanding occurred between England and America. Maybe these things will be settled and we will find out what will happen. Meanwhile we are in the hideout, and our limbs continue to deteriorate. Today, we again emptied the pails in fear, and trembling, and real danger to our lives. The train workers were in the house at the time and Mr. Beck tried to engage them in conversation in his room, while his wife stood guard in the corridor. Everything was going well, but after about five minutes one of the train workers entered the room above us. Fortunately the floor entry was already closed. I do not want to think about what would have happened if he had entered the room several minutes earlier. I try to imagine what Mr. Beck and his wife feel about the constant danger, but they do not reveal even a crumb of what occupies their mind. It is clear that their own lives are hanging in the balance.

When the time arrives for our liberation, and we taste freedom, there will be nothing more owed to us. Certainly our hosts are due to a release of tension and deep relaxation after the difficult experiences they underwent on our behalf.

Mrs. Beck resumed selling our belongings. There isn't panic in the city now and the farmers have resumed buying their necessities. Today, two of the pillows sold for 400 Zlotys, and a few other minor items. This will hold us to about the middle of the month. It is getting warmer outside, and we will be able to sell the remainder of the bedding. Maybe God will have mercy, and we will not be forced to ask for money from others. I am referring to Ruka, who lives with us, and he is the only one who still has some money.

1. Translated from Polish Return
2. The Felician Sisters are an international community of more than 1,000 vowed women religious across four continents. They minister to God's people in the United States, Canada, Haiti, Brazil, Poland, Italy, England, France, Kenya, Estonia, Russia, Ukraine, and the Amazon. Return

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