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Sunday, March 5, 1944

Mrs. Beck called me today, and I went upstairs, in order to weigh potatoes. The train workers were still asleep but I had to pass by their door on the way from the kitchen to the cellar. Thank God everything went peacefully. Tomorrow we will breathe more easily, because the train workers are preparing to leave for Lvov.

Our week began with a good omen. First of all, the train workers left and there were no other guests, so the tension eased somewhat. We even heard news from England which was better than we had thought. The Soviet army had set up the front in the middle of Szwetovka and penetrated the German lines to a distance of 30-40 kilometers. They are now only 4 kilometers from Wluczysak, 25 kilometers from Tarnopol, and 120 kilometers from the border of Romania. There is panic in the city because the Janikowsky and Hammerling families left. There already was a panic in the city, but nothing happened. Who knows? Maybe there is some basis for this panic?

And now, a new surprise! Six S.S. troops invited themselves to lodge with us. Mr. Beck and his wife could not refuse them. They gave them the room used by the train workers who were currently away in Lvov. It is good that they are not sleeping in the room above us. In any event, they are making an excessive amount of noise, and because they are part of a large group, they make us seem silent.

Today's news is very good. The Soviet army was 25 kilometers from Zabarzh, and attacked the train station in Tarnopol. The train line from Lvov to Odessa was uprooted.

God in heaven, please let them press forward in this manner, and let them not stop until we are released from our troubles!

Five farmers were murdered in the grove of Zolkiew. It was said that the farmers were attacked by Zolkiew Jews, Hecht, Hochner, Klein, and Dr. Peren, but this is an outright lie. Hecht and Hochner were hidden by Aryans, and Dr. Peren is in the Soviet army. One thing for sure, if the initiators were really Jews, I would at least know that other Jews beside us were still alive. And if Jews were killing a number of farmers, how can we judge them as guilty since they want to avenge the blood of their brethren who are buried in hordes in this orchard.

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The S.S. men were waiting for spare parts for their vehicles before they could leave. They began to behave and act if they were the owners of the house rather than guests. Adolf told Mrs. Beck that she should demand a suitable payment from these soldiers. Who knows how long they are going to remain here?

Circumstances are not good for us. At least the train workers, the previous tenants, went out for lunch and then we could empty out the pails. Now, the soldiers do not leave the house at all. We experienced a miracle today. Mrs. Beck had us empty the pails at two o'clock in the afternoon, and Mundek did this with lightning speed. In the moment when he closed the floor entry, one of the soldiers opened the door and went into the corridor. What luck that he did not do this a few minutes earlier! We decided not to endanger ourselves this way again, and to take care of our bodily needs in the sand until things changed for the better.

Contrary to what we expected, the S.S. soldiers left early in the morning. Thank God! We will now be able to return to our ‘normal’ routine life. If only the train workers would be sent to the front we could really breathe more easily. The fierce battles at the gates of Tarnopol are over, and the Soviet soldiers are moving forward on three sides.

Mundek went upstairs in the morning as usual to empty the pails, and the train workers were still asleep. In the meantime, something broke in the toilet. Mundek thought that there was a clogged pipe. He put his arm in the pipe to remove whatever was trapped, but there was no change. He asked Melman to come and help him, which did not lead to a resolution and only caused the refuse to dirty the area. We shook in fear on this day. We worried that one of the train workers would wake up, come out of his room, and see us in this position. Then we found out that the pit in the yard was full. We decided to dig a hole in the hideout and pour the pails into the hole and to cover it with sand. But in the evening, Mrs. Beck knocked softly on the floor entry door and requested that we give her the pails. She quietly took the pails and poured them into the toilet in the yard. Not only were the pails very heavy, but they also spread a stink throughout the house. Mrs. Beck had previously complained that one can smell the bad odor throughout the house when we take out the pails to empty them. But today, when our pressing need was revealed, she personally provided help. Will it be possible for us, one day, to reward these people for such nobility?

The daily news on the radio was quite good. The Russians captured Tarnopol and Uman. Sadly our good condition was fleeting. Dr. Luczynski, who had lately been coming to the house rather frequently, visited this evening. I do not know why he came. It seems that Dr. Luczynsski's conscience is not

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clear, because he fears the arrival of the Soviet army. He always repeats the statement that many Jews still remain hidden in a variety of places, and they will certainly seek revenge when they are set free. Mr. Beck walks about sad and nervous after each visit by Dr. Luczynski. Slowly but surely, a sense forms inside of him that, ‘perhaps he is growing a snake under the eaves of the roof.’

For some reason, Dr. Luczynski met with Hans, the German gendarme, the same man who arranged for the search to assure there were no Jews here, and afterwards became friends with Mr. Beck. In their conversation about Jews, Luczynski said that Jews were hiding under the floor in a house on our street. He said that these Jews went out to join partisan units during the day and returned to the house in the evening. He had already seen them twice. Hans listened very carefully and said: ‘when one searches, one finds.’ Before leaving the house he again asked Dr. Luczynski about that house. Mighty Gods! Perhaps you will come to the aid of these Jews! I think about how Mr. Beck must be angry and nervous after such a discussion.

Worst of all was the fact that the train workers were also present during this discussion, and one of them even participated. It is now possible that the idea may occur to them that Jews might be hidden under the floor in the Beck house. What bad luck! However, we are used to the train workers who spend most of their time in their room, and don't wander about. They unintentionally did us a favor that night. At two in the morning, unknown soldiers knocked at the door and asked permission to sleep in the house, and our train workers simply did not let them enter.

This was a rescue for us, literally a miracle, because the soldiers did not take the one free room in our house, namely, the room directly above the hideout with the floor entry, which could have brought a death sentence upon us. We now have to resort to stricter forms of warnings. Nevertheless, the train workers do not suspect that anyone like the Beck family would be hiding Jews, but it is clear that from the discussion we heard, that any form of noise would be enough to arouse their attention.

Our hosts once again demonstrated to us how noble they are. Mr. Beck came down to us at nightfall and asked that we not get emotional about whatever his guests may be talking about. We could hear the entire conversation between Dr. Luczynski and Hans and so could everyone who was present in the upper rooms on the second level beneath Aleh's room. He explained that various people come to visit him, all of whom are afraid of the Soviets and of the possible vengeance of the Jews. I personally heard Dr. Luczynski say ‘they will take vengeance for their wives, their mothers and their children.’ Everyone of them had something to tell, and not one of them suspected that Jews were living under Mr. Beck's floor, listening to their words. The root of Mr. Beck's fear is that we might want to take vengeance on these people, and he did not want to be the cause of their annihilation. Mr. Beck has some concern for Dr. Luczynski who does not seem to lean toward being an enemy of Jewish people. Dr. Luczynski was plainly fearful of death at the hands of the convert, Fundak, whose wife was Aryan. He was very fond of Fundak. I personally do not know Dr. Luczynski's thoughts on the matter. I remember him from the days of the jumpers from the train, when I helped them.

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At that time Dr. Luczynsski gave the jumpers medicine they needed and he refused to take a penny even from those who visited him at his home. We allayed Mr. Beck's fears and we told him that we will keep his request in mind. Should we survive and be liberated, we will not cause troubles among the neighbors.

There was another important event. The upstairs bathroom was clean and repaired. How happy we were to hear this, because today Mrs. Beck was forced to take the pails outside to the yard at a time when the train workers were in their room.

The Soviet army penetrated to a depth of 130 kilometers alongside Uman, but pushed back from the city of Tarnopol. I am convinced that they will come back and conquer the city. Meanwhile the front is not getting any closer to us. We find it difficult to condition ourselves with patience and to wait for the day that the train workers will need to flee. Their presence weighs more and more heavily on us. We fear that the removal of the pails from our hideout when the workers are in the house could result in bitter discoveries.

What an accident! One of the train workers spotted Mundek who was on his way to the bathroom. The train worker saw Mundek who was waiting at the time for the pail to be handed to him. The train worker told Mrs. Beck about his sighting at about six o'clock in the morning, and then the person seemed to suddenly disappear under the bed. The train worker was sorry not to have had a weapon at hand, because if he did, he would have shot at him on the spot. Mrs. Beck was very confused, but immediately recovered and said, it looks like it might have been a thief. The train workers took up their pistols and decided to search the entire house, including the attic and the cellar. The man who had seen Mundek gave a description of what the person looked like, and he provided an accurate description of Patrontacz. He ended by saying: ‘And afterwards he vanished under the bed.’ We heard how the man had suddenly laid down on the floor because his knocking could be heard under the floor entry. Fortunately, he covered the entry way with his body, and began to search under the bed. Part of this entryway was outside of the bed space. If he had picked up or moved the little rug beside the bed, we would have been lost. Afterwards, both of the train workers went to the city. They did not regularly leave the house at this hour so we were convinced that they were going to inform the gendarmerie. They returned with two rifles in hand. Apparently they feared that the man who saw them might be one of the partisans, and they are as much afraid of them as they are of fire.

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It was better this way than having them suspect that the Becks have a cache for the Jews. We remained completely unmoving, and as we sat, we lost our appetite. Now, when the front is close to Tarnopol, and the liberation is so near, are we still fated to die? God, once again we hear some sort of new movement upstairs. A gendarme arrives. We recognized his voice and oh, we so wanted to die right now! And yet we still hold on to the weak hope that nothing will happen. We hear Aleh's laugh, amused by the appearance of a thief in their house so early in the morning. It appears that Hans had come to visit her.

Yulia Beck (Wife of Valenty Beck)

We sat in the hideout in the dark. Yesterday, we accidentally ripped out the electric wiring and we did not have a chance to repair the lights. Mr. Beck woke us up at six in the morning as he stood in the corridor to watch if any of the train workers were ready to leave their room. Meanwhile, Mundek repaired the electricity, and once again we had light. ‘Thank God, that you have electric lights once more!,’ Mr. Beck said with gladness. ‘You suffer enough without this problem, and you have to sit in the dark too?’

Mrs. Beck also proved she could be trusted, and expressed her sorrow about all the events that took place yesterday. She admitted to us that she nearly fainted when the train worker told her whom he saw, and even knelt on his knees and stretched himself out exactly over the floor entry to the hideout. She pointed to the open window through which a thief could have sneaked out and fled. After all of this, she knocked on the floor entry to the hideout, and in a voice, not like she used for a couple of days, asked if there was anything we needed. And she continued to comfort us by saying: ‘it's no matter, everything will end well. Let us hope that they will leave us soon!’

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We are also grateful that Aleh called Hans from the post office and invited him to come over to her house. She described the incident to him, and presented everything in a way, as if the intent was to tell him about a thief who panicked at the sight of the train worker who lives in their house, and then escaped through a window. Even last year, when they conducted a search in our place, she saved the situation. Who knows? It is possible that our thanks to her was part of our success in being saved and remaining alive.

The air in the hideout has become very acrid. We can only pour out the pails only once a day during the time the train workers go out to eat lunch. Mr. Beck promised us to get us a third pail. We curtailed our cooking, and to our sorrow, we got used to eating food not because of its quality, but because there was enough quantity. Our intestines became swollen from all of the potatoes we ate. We had to eat potatoes because we could not satisfy our hunger with bread alone. In general, bread has become very cheap. We are able to allow ourselves a full kilogram per day, in portions divided among five of us. But Mrs. Beck has to take care not to arouse suspicion with purchases in too large quantities.

The entire Skoban family has left and I do not understand why they fled. What happened to them? They are respectable people, not to mention the fact that they are Volksdeutsche. They sense that all Germans in the future will have to provide an accounting for spilling of so much blood, and especially, the blood of those who were completely innocent! Mrs. Beck said that before the Skoban family left, they sold ten sewing machines. This is very consistent with my thinking, because many Jews of Zolkiew gave their things to them for protection. Kherson was captured yesterday by the Soviets. The daily news informs us about the battles in the environs of Horodenka. It is disappointing that this battle line leads to the Romanian border, and not to us.

The train workers are already at work. They work in shifts from three o'clock to six o'clock in the afternoon. This leaves a lot of time for us but our nights are also very difficult.

We have a steady guest each evening. Hans comes to play cards. They play in Mr. Beck's room, and we are afraid to breathe. It is good that the train workers are working and we can now empty our pails without difficulty. At one o'clock at night, when the train workers are deep in sleep, Mr. Beck invites Mundek to come upstairs and listen to the day's news. Mr. Beck worked on persuading Mundek so much that he felt he had to go upstairs. But actually, Mundek hears the news in the hideout since he sleeps under the table. He was so nervous upstairs that he heard nothing but the beating of his heart.

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Friday, March 17, 1944

One of the train workers left for Lvov early in the morning and stayed at a friend's house. We were able to hear the radio broadcast after he left. The Soviet army had glorious victories near Dubno, Koval and Uman, but they are still standing at Tarnopol. Meanwhile every minute might tip the scales for us, for life or death.

Mrs. Beck was forced to clean up her home today by herself because the train workers remained in the house. I am sorry that we were unable to help her. I help her willingly, and I enjoy a bit of fresh air while working. I took note of the fact that Lula's face and my own face looked better in comparison to others, because from time-to-time we enjoy moving around while we are working upstairs.

The train workers went to the movies and Mundek was able to listen to the daily news. The news from the front is very good. The Russian army is only about 80 kilometers from Lvov, with battles being fought in Vinnytsia and Nikolaev. Mr. Beck told us just yesterday that Jampol and Zhmerinka were captured. Today we found out that Kamenets was also captured, and some say that Romania may surrender. England sent Romania a diplomatic warning.

The pilots left and took their cadre of workers with them. Adolf, the one who was sweet on Aleh, also left. Oh, if we could only get rid of the train workers! Their surrender would make our lives easier under these conditions.

Today we had trouble emptying the pails. One of the train workers set up a bath and he did not leave the house all day. The pails were full, despite the fact that we had received a third pail the day before last. The extra pail should allow us to empty the pails only once in a 24-hour period.

We did our minor needs in the sand, but apart from this we had to hold back the motion in our bellies, even if our bellies almost burst.

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Finally, at six o'clock, when the train workers were busy in their room, Mrs. Beck gave us permission to take out one pail and empty it. It was refilled in the blink of an eye because one pail for eighteen people is not a lot of help! I don't know if people will be able to understand in the future, that there were times when our strongest impulse in our lives was simply to take care of our bodily needs.

Mr. Beck came down to us with a very unpleasant piece of news. Aleh, who was an official at the post office, received an order to leave the city, and her mother wants to travel with her. Masses of people have already left the city out of fear that the Ukrainians will start killing Polish people. We tried to explain to Mr. Beck, that regardless of whatever trouble occurs, there is the hideout, in which we can all stay together. But Mr. Beck said that the women in the house were very frightened, and his son sided with them. This report caused us consternation and pain, because all of us, without hesitation, were ready to unconditionally give up our lives in order to save our hosts. How will we be able to convince Mr. Beck of the validity of our feelings?

The radio news gave notice that the city of Vinnytsia was captured. The Germans themselves admitted that the battles between Dubno and Brody were causing desertions. In addition to this, we heard of a despicable deed done by the Germans. They invaded Hungary which was one of their allies! There are many Jews there, who are now in danger of possibly being liquidated by the Germans. The Germans are also likely to begin doing this very quickly, as they cannot hold the area under their control for long. Despite the fact that their end is near, the Germans do not forget the Jews.

We had a good idea today. As the parable says, ‘for every trouble, the Jew finds a cure.’ During the night we dug a deep pit in the middle of the hideout under the table, using boards from two bunk beds. We poured one pail into the pit and immediately covered it completely with sand. But some of us were opposed to this. They feared that this choice may endanger our health and bring on a cholera plague or some other disease. But the rest of us convinced them, especially since we said that the smell was not so bad. Perhaps we had already become used to the bad smell, or the ground underneath provided a good shield against it.

Today is the first day of spring. Soon we will be able to discard the straw we used on our beds in the winter, and then we can get rid of the fleas. Meanwhile, we cannot even dream about this, as long as the train workers are found among us. Let us hope they will leave shortly since the fighting is abating in the surroundings of Brody.

The city is in a panic. All the people are running away. They all seem to come to Mr. Beck to seek his advice as to what they should do.

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We are not at all favorably disposed to these visits as Mr. Beck is plunged into distress after each one. Everyone believed that they would be killed by the Ukrainians, and that was the main reason for the impulse to think about running away. It is a fact that the Ukrainians are murdering people at every opportunity. We had satisfying news from only one visitor. Professor Lang, who had vanished for a long time, came to us, and his visit put everyone into a good mood. He said that he is not going anywhere because there is no need to leave. We all wanted to see him every day, because his presence was like receiving a calming injection containing a blessing.

The daily news did not provide important content today, and there was stagnation along the fronts. We thought that the Soviets would turn their military power towards Lvov, despite the notification from the Germans that the Soviets had been repelled from Koval. It was clear everywhere that the end was drawing near. Obersturmbannführer Von Papa was burning the evidence. There was panic and constant movement in the city. One of the train workers traveled to Lvov, and the second one spent most of the daylight hours outside of the house, so we had a longer period of relief with their absence. We also saw a harbinger of the spring season. A frog appeared on the supporting board of Lula's bed, which was located in the flatter, second level of the hideout. We were unable to catch the frog as it vanished immediately. The frog will certainly return because it will be attracted by the fleas in the straw.

The panic is intensifying. Most of the populace are preparing to leave the city and many have already done so. The pharmacy is closed because the lady manager who was guarding our pharmacist's belongings had left the city. Most of the stores were closed. The Dominicans had already dug pits in which they hid cannons. Tunnels were dug on ul. Turinyskci. Dr. Luczynski was in Lvov and telephoned from there, saying that he was not coming back. In short, there was panic all along the line, despite the fact that the news did not indicate signs for all of this fear. The air had been penetrated by anger, fear, and nervousness that was bad for the Beck family. They returned from the city today, full of anger. A compulsory order was set to evacuate the Volksdeutsche next Monday. Mrs. Beck and her daughter were afraid, and wanted to leave the city. The mood in the house was overly nerve-wracking. To my great consternation, the train workers were staying at the house. They say they will remain until the end, and deal with the last of the trains. Oh, God! We want all of this to end very, very quickly, but there is no sign that this will happen.

It is the first anniversary of the March Aktion launched in our city. A year has passed since the so-called cultured Germans unleashed their massive cruel and murderously terrifying extermination on the city of Zolkiew.

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Even though a full year has passed, the nightmarish and terrifying memories continue to haunt me. The main street in the ghetto, ul. Lvovska, leading to the grove, is seeded with the bodies of the dead. The city trembles and shakes from the bitter cry of the victims, and the wailing and screaming of those innocent of any wrongdoing. Is there anything in our world more frightening than this! Sacks full of dead bodies were thrown from the second floor of a building on the corner of the street to freight trucks standing beneath the windows. Frail, newborn babies were hacked apart, their heads split open, spilling their contents. They shot people who lay sick in bed. The Gestapo men strike open the head of a nursing child, the son of the brother of Karola. The farmers came in from the villages to observe this macabre scene in order to gain favor in the eyes of the Gestapo, and they broke into the houses with Jewish residents and stabbed them with ordinary kitchen knives. My grandfather's sister was one of the ‘lucky ones’ because she was shot while asleep in bed at the start of Aktion, at two o'clock in the morning. In the same room, a postpartum young woman lay in bed after delivery, and the Germans shot her and the newborn child.

Only a small group of Jews were rescued during this Aktion. Jews were attacked while running away from the Germans. Germans threw explosives into places that appeared to be hideouts. Most of the Jews who remained alive after the March Aktion were liquidated within the following two weeks in a second Aktion, after which the city of Zolkiew was left Judenrein. The picture of this nightmare was etched into our memories and will remain eternally in our hearts.

There was a great deal of stirring in our hideout today, as if the Russian army was already as close as Kulikovo. Mrs. Beck, Aleh, and others, needed to know that the promises made to the citizenry, that they would be able to leave the city in comfortable train cars, was a lie from the start. For this reason, they both remained in the house, and should trouble occur, they will hide with us. Mrs. Beck decided to prepare for this eventuality. She brought more bread, salt and potatoes downstairs. They also dismantled all of the extra sewing machines in the house. It was possible to get all of this done quietly and peacefully without additional anxiety because the train workers were out of the house all day.

Masses of troop units gathered in the city. Hans, the gendarme, came today to collect underwear he had given to Manya to wash. He said that the gendarmerie were leaving the city today because the Russians had already reached Busk. However, there was nothing left for the gendarmerie to use for travel. They did get horses, but without harnesses, and were forced to confiscate harnessing gear. There were no trains in the city for the gendarmerie serving there. The gendarmerie from the city of Mosty' left in wagons today.

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Everyone is leaving. Only the train workers remain with us in the house. They are not very nice to have around, and are a burden to us. It seems to us that one of them listens for light movements in our hideout, and he quietly opens the door to the room above us. Mr. Beck was sleeping in that room that night. He said that we were mistaken; he didn't hear or see anything. He said he would have been awakened in such an instance since he is a light sleeper. Mundek heard the beginning of the day's news before he had to flee the room and come back down to us. The city of Proskorov was captured, and airplanes are threatening Germany. Nine thousand Allied bombs hit German cities.

In this state of chaos and the continuous movement in the city, Mr. Beck's generosity was boundless. We owe him two months of payment, and yet our host continues to supply us with food. It was not easy for him to obtain eighteen loaves of bread and sacks of potatoes. He had to spend a great deal of money in order to provide us with necessities.

Today we had a Sanacja in the hideout. Mr. Beck brought his nephew, Wladek, to the floor entry doors. Only Patrontacz, Melman and the pharmacist saw Wladek's face and conversed with him. I tried not to get close to the floor entry because I did not want to see him. Mr. Beck brought his nephew to our door to meet us, specifically because Wladek is going to join us in the hideout in a few more days. Wladek was ordered to present himself for military service as a Volksdeutsche, and he is planning to hide with us. He made a good impression on all those who spoke with him, and he seems to be a very worthy person. He has known of our existence here for fifteen months and did not expose us. He also knew where his uncle, who fled with sixty of the remaining Jews left in the Ghetto, was hiding, and he did not disclose the location to anyone. Do we need any extra proof?

Today's news was very good. There was heavy fighting and desertion in Tarnopol and Horodenka and Kamenets-Podolski were captured. Partisans set fire to the city in a battle in Mosty' between them and the Germans, and army units were sent to help. To our dismay, Hans made a mistake when he said that Busk had already been captured. Hans spoke to someone in the Busk post office and learned that this city is still in German hands.

Mr. Beck and his wife spent the night in the room above us. They relinquished their room to soldiers who demanded lodging in the house. I think there were three soldiers but we do not know this for sure. In any event it does not make a big big difference. After all, the train workers also reside in the house and maybe it is better for us with a lot of movement upstairs. It is possible that their being here is actually good for us.

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Tuesday, March 28, 1944

This day was full of anxiety starting in the morning. First, a sharp quarrel broke out between the Beck couple. As usual, this was caused by Beck's sister-in-law, who expressed her desire to hide in our house during a time of danger. Mrs. Beck, who is keenly jealous of her, did not agree to this. Mr. Beck believes that there was no need to deny her request, because he ‘puts everything in her hands.’ As usual, it was Mundek who took on the difficult task of convincing Mrs. Beck that this matter is necessary. Thanks to Mundek, Mrs. Beck agreed in the end to admit her sister-in-law into her house. We did not have a chance to breathe easy after this matter was settled, when we faced another new and serious trouble. We received a notice in the afternoon that all Volksdeutsche are being forced to leave the city. We were panicking. What will happen? What will we do if Mr. Beck leaves the city? Who will provide us with bread and water? We heard our host walking nervously in circles in his room, and our desperation was boundless. We were somewhat at ease when we heard that an entire group of Volksdeutsche were thrown off of the train cars at the station, and the military seized the train and completely filled it. Let us be content with the hope that until other cars arrive, something might happen to rescue us. We did not know exactly what was going on because Mr. Beck was unable to go near the floor entry all day.

Many soldiers came to our house today. Since the train workers arrived immediately after the soldiers left, we did not have an opportunity to empty the pails. We managed to clean out only one pail. Mr. Beck cut wood in the cellar and in the meantime we were able to dig a pit in the foyer, and we emptied the pails there.

There wasn't anything special to cheer us up in today's news. The Soviet army is moving forward at a rapid pace, but they are oriented towards Romania and not heading in the direction of Lvov. In the last two days they captured Horodenka, Kolomyya, Gavudzhin and Tarmbobla. Unfortunately, we heard nothing about Tarnopol or Brody.

To our good fortune, the evacuation which had frightened us so much, had not received as much attention as we had anticipated. About 300 people have been waiting in the train station for two days to get on a train, but it appears that the Germans are not in a hurry. Maybe the first transport will move tomorrow. The people had already entered the train cars once, but the Germans chased them out.

Wladek is sleeping upstairs near the Beck family. He was forced to flee from his home and disappear, because on March 31 he was supposed to present himself for military service.

He has not yet come to the hideout because the train workers in the house make it impossible for him to make his way to us. When will they leave?

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Thursday, March 30, 1944

Aleh Beck, daughter of Valenty Beck

As we take stock of our situation, all we can do is to fortify our patience. All of these issues will reach a conclusion at some border, and end soon. Four train cars pulled into the station today, and the Volksdeutsche boarded them, carrying their belongings. A German officer came along and threw them out of the trains, together with their belongings. They are once again waiting in the train station to leave. Very good! They deserve that, and let them see how it feels to be abused! If they had a clear conscience they would not be compelled to flee from here.

Yesterday, Mrs. Beck treated us to some veal. We could not refuse. Everyone took approximately one kilogram of meat. I ruined my stomach by eating the cooked meat. My gut had become accustomed only to potatoes and I cannot digest other food like this. We had been transformed into vegetarians against our will.

Aleh came home today and she was crying. She is very afraid and wants to leave. Mundek promised her, in the name of all the people in the hideout, that we will protect her during a time of need, even if the price we have to pay is with our lives.

The Ukrainian police fled into the forest this night. Perhaps they are now looking for some way to be rehabilitated, but they will not succeed. They are justifiably deserving of punishment. After all, they voluntarily shot at Jews during the Aktion!

We spent all of our money and have nothing left to pay to Mr. Beck for the month. My father, Melman, and Patrontacz, decided to ask for a loan from the pharmacist, who initially refused, but afterwards gave in. He gave everyone of us a loan of 1200 Zlotys per family. This is very little, but at least we were able to pay Mr. Beck what we owed.

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Sunday, April 2, 1944

Aleh received a notice that she was required to leave for a position in Lvov in the post office opposite the train station. We were very sad about this, because the train station was ultimately to be bombed.

Wladek was with us today, down below. He was forced to hide because there were a host of soldiers from the Waffen S.S. upstairs, waiting to travel to the front. What a peculiar situation! S.S. soldiers and Jews under a single roof!

The tension eased a bit today. One of the train workers traveled with Mrs. Beck and Aleh to Lvov, and the other one was at his workplace. Both of the train workers received work assignments they were to do in tandem, and after working for twelve hours straight, they had a twenty-four hour furlough. It looks like they change places, as one works, the other remains in the house. Fortunately it is the younger worker who will stay home and not work in distant locations. As he rarely stays in the house when not at work, it will be easier to breathe three times a week with this schedule.

We formally met Mr. Beck's sister-in-law today. After all, she knows everything even though we never saw her and she never saw us. Today she descended below to visit her son, Wladek, and used this opportunity to meet us.

In her role as the officer of the hideout, Zuszya came out to greet Wladek's mother. Mr. Beck told Zuszya to tell his sister-in-law the story of how we came to be here. This nine-year old girl remembers every detail of the time she spent in the attic of the Judenrat building, and afterward in a classroom after her mother left, and also how she brought her little brother Zigo here, to their aunt.

The news on the radio this morning reported that the Soviet army had entered Tarnopol and Stanislawow, and the English news related the capture of the cities of Kossow and Kuty.

We opened a small window in the hideout today for the first time since last summer. We were not even aware of how much we had missed breathable air. We covered our ten centimeter square window with a

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stone to prevent trouble from reaching us, and now we were like drunkards consuming the air. I stood guard to stop anyone from snoring while they slept. We were lucky today. The train workers left early in the morning and returned at night. We all felt a release from tension and spent pleasant time with Wladek. From our point of view, we enjoyed the contact with someone from the external world. Wladek stayed with us for frequent intervals when a stranger appeared upstairs.

The news was good today. The cities of Berestechko and Horokiv were captured. This was more important to us than the major victories in Romania as these cities were closer to us. The front was now almost 60 kilometers from Lvov. Oh how good it would be if they proceeded forward like this!

With all my heart, I would like to light a yahrzeit candle on the anniversary of the martyr's death of my sister Manya, in order to sacredly recall her shining soul. How I wished to do this after the liberation! Perhaps one of the group of sixty is still alive and could show us the place where she is buried.

Aleh returned from Lvov. She is not working now, and in general has no idea what her future fate will be.

Both of the train workers traveled to Lvov today. We took this opportunity to fireproof the house. We brought sand to the upstairs attic, since there is plenty in the hideout, and we lowered some necessities down to our place below. I do not see a need to be hasty with this work. We learn from the radio news that the time of liberation for which we yearn is still far away. The Germans gave up because they had captured additional land tracts. The English news does not mention our front at all. True, we hear of battles in the suburbs of Odessa, but that is Odessa. Where are we?

Today is the anniversary of the martyrdom of my Aunt Utch'keh, the mother of Zigo and Zuszya, and also of our uncle Yossek and his wife Rilla. Who knows, maybe they are still alive? To the God of remedy, were they sure that we will live through these days to the end? While the Germans are present, a death decree hangs over us. Despite this we are fortunate. Is it even possible to be considered lucky after the loss of such a large number of relatives in this terrifying time?

It is very tense in our hideout today. The Germans are attacking near Tarnopol where they set up a ring surrounding the Soviets and the area near Koval. They predicted that the Allied invasion will come in the spring, but we hear nothing about it, and the bombing of Germany continues haltingly. We do not see the end coming. The train workers who reside here continue to do so, and Hans visits, etc. The day before yesterday there were at least three gendarmes upstairs.

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Panic continues in the city. The Bolsheviks are still far away and food sellers were told that there is no more bread. If liberation does not come soon, there is no other remedy for us, and it will have been a shame that we suffered for so long.

Today is Passover, and I have disturbing memories tied to this holiday. Last year, Passover fell on the day after the conflagration, and Manya was no longer alive. I cannot get closure with the terrifying thought that she is really not alive! I always see her in front of me. I imagine that if I could only get free, I could go back to seeing her alive and well. How tragic is this that such a young person who loved life had met her death in such a distressing way. How large is the number of such children who now lie in the grove? Despite this, the world has not come to a standstill, but goes on, and even we continue to live and exist.

The holiday has arrived, and each of us looked for something to give to the Beck's as a present. The gifts were modest, but if God will help us stay alive, we will certainly give them gifts with a generous hand.

Today the news was better, although not very substantive. The entire city of Odessa is surrounded, and fifteen German divisions were wiped out beside Salka. What was more interesting to us was that the Germans had surrounded Tarnopol.

The train workers left and were not here in the afternoon, and so Lula and I helped Mrs. Beck to clean the house for the holiday. We drank the fresh air and enjoyed it very much. How is it that a human being doesn't appreciate the opportunity to inhale fresh and clean air into his lungs?

The lights suddenly went out today. The noise of the shutdown was so loud that it sounded like Lvov had been bombed. If this were only true we would be joyous. I am unable to continue to write because of the darkness, and I cannot see enough to write by candlelight.

Now we really feel the reality of living underground. We don't have light because the Lvov electric plant was disabled. We mostly sit in the dark as it is hard to obtain candles, and we have to conserve what we have. Our window is open, but very little light reaches us

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from the outside. The darkness puts us all in a bad mood. At least if we had a radio we could enjoy hearing the daily news, but we don't have that either, since we cannot obtain a battery.

Only two days have passed since we lost electricity, and it seems to us that we have been in the dark for a whole year already. We are suffering a great deal, and because of this, Mrs. Beck also suffers. The pots that are used to boil potatoes are upstairs. We have to boil the potatoes because we do not have bread. This affects Mrs. Beck's health and nerves because the train workers are often walking around the kitchen.

We have a new predicament. Mr. Beck wants to join the partisans. This would literally be a death sentence for all of us. We cannot get this idea out of his mind. We can't see his face because of the dark and we do not know what is new at the front because we don't have a radio. But maybe something is going on out there. There is a Jewish saying: ‘it is out of darkness that God will create the light,’ but our mood is very dark as a result of the absence of light.

Sadly, there was nothing to cheer us up on the news today. The Soviets retreated from all locations, even near Brody, Tarnopol and Koval, but they did capture Odessa. What did we get out of all this? Mr. Beck was in a frightened state of mind, and we were as well. Our financial situation is terrible; we don't have a cent and Mr. Beck also has no money. Only the pharmacist has money, but to him, the money is worth more than life. We had no other alternative but to steal his money sooner or later if he does not understand that in difficult moments like these, he has a responsibility to share with all of us.

Thank God we will have electricity tomorrow. Mrs. Beck was in Lvov today and brought us newspapers, but we didn't read any news to validate the German claim of victories at the front. However, the state of the city has improved. To our consternation, Von Papa, who left Zolkiew a short time ago, has returned. Aleh is once again working at the post office. It will be good to have the light back on because we do not have enough candles. We have to collect the leftovers of wax that drip from the candles and stick them together to make a new candle. I do not know if sometime in the future anyone will believe how much our lives were in danger. Our experiences may be considered to be an imagined story, yet the way we look and the expressions on our faces are evidence of the great amount of suffering we have endured. I am still holding on, but the way the rest of the adults and children look, is terrifying.

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Friday, April 14, 1944

We heard something new. There was an order from Lvov requiring the Volksdeutsche to leave the city. This does make sense. Spring has arrived, there is a need for a lot of workers, and since there are no Jews at all, the Germans employ the Volksdeutsche to carry out their work. What will we do if Mr. Beck has to leave? Meanwhile, Eisenbart said that the Soviet army retreated again. They only have victories in the Crimea. I don't know what happened or how to explain this.

Our spirits certainly did fall, but we got an encouraging injection of new hope. First, we have light again, and second, the daily news is very good. The city of Tarnopol was captured, and an additional forty settlements were captured in its vicinity. The Soviets had prevailed in outstanding victories in Crimea. The port of Feodosiya was captured, and the city of Sevastopol is surrounded on three sides. The Germans say that there are severe battles north of Brody.

The daily news soothed us to the point that even Beck's notification that he is leaving to join the partisans did not bother us, and we didn't take what he said seriously. We are hoping that even this will end well. We had many peculiar things happen, but Mr. Beck never lied to us, and I hope that he will not leave this time. An officer from the Waffen S.S. spent the night here, upstairs. It did not affect us. It didn't matter if there were train workers or S.S. officers in the house. We didn't care.

Wladek quarreled with Mr. Beck and he ran away. We don't know what happened between them because Mr. Beck did not come near the floor entry. The fact that they quarreled was unpleasant enough for us already. Wladek is a deserter, and if he is caught, he could turn us in. We are unable to think of a solution to this, and we feel desperate.

Today was a full year from the start of the fire and Manya's death. It seems that the pain will never go away. We are going through hard times again. Mr. Beck wants to go away, the city is caught up in terrifying panic, the Ukrainians are murdering Poles and burning their villages. Our city is full of refugees who come from the villages, and even the city residents are leaving in hordes. A friend of Mr. Beck, the Volksdeutsche Eisenbart, got a place on the train and came to take leave and say goodbye to our host. It appears the Germans are allocating one train car to three families. After he left, Mr. Beck came down to talk to us. He was extremely distressed, and told us that he too will travel away, and leave us with his wife's sister. What can we do? The man is broken. He is only human. We know that if someone else was in his place, he would have already left. We have no right to persuade him to abandon his plans despite the fact that it is clear to us that his leaving

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implies a death sentence for us. The circumstances put the responsibility for us on Manya, who cannot do this on her own. Apart from this, the Germans did not allocate a house of this size to her to use. They will find us sooner or later. Perhaps if Mr. Beck was not so fearful, and if the train workers did not live here, in the worst possible case if the Ukrainians attacked the house, he could hide downstairs with us in the hideout. But how could he suddenly disappear underground? We are trapped by this hopeless and difficult situation. We envy Manya, who was seized a year ago, for all of this is already distant from her.

The pharmacist agreed to our urging and gave us each an English pound. However, Mr. Beck refused to take the money because he did not know what it was worth, and it wasn't possible to use foreign exchange; all those who deal in foreign money have already gone. Food is available, but only in exchange for gold. We don't have gold, nor does Mr. Beck, and a farmer will not take foreign currency. We begged Mr. Beck not to be concerned about us, and to please not leave. Mr. Beck did not reply. He went into the city, and we remained in our hiding place, living under indescribable oppression.

Mr. Beck returned in a happy mood. He tried to obtain a second rifle. Even the train workers were armed, so having a weapon is not as bad as it appears. He also decided to arrange for a bunker hideout in the wreckage of the oil factory. He sought out his friends who helped him with this work, and he stopped being afraid. In one stroke, our hearts were eased. In addition, after losing electricity two days ago during the bombing of Lvov, electric power had returned. At the end of the day we found out that the train worker who saw Mundek was given a furlough. The second train worker, who is much younger than the first, spends most of his daytime hours outside of the house, which is very good for us.

We believe that attacks on the Polish people are the work of the Germans. It seems that they want all the Poles to flee to the area of Congress Poland, and from there, they will take them to labor camps. But this did not happen. The local authorities were ready to withstand ordinary attacks by Ukrainians and not abandon the city to anarchy.

A mood of calm prevailed today. Mr. Lang unwittingly provided us with a special favor: he is remaining in Zolkiew. We are eager for his visits because he uplifts our state of mind.

It seems Mr. Beck has changed, and we do not recognize him. He has not yet been able to buy more food. He gave each family 25 grams of lard, and asked that

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we add it to our rent, and not the daily payment, in order to make this invisible to the pharmacist. What a manifestation of noble spirit in a man! We do not pay him for the lard. Unlike bread or potatoes this is an extra necessity, not ordinary food. He told us that he wanted to have healthy people waiting for their pending liberation, not typhus patients.

Today's news was encouraging. Apart from the reports from the front, we learned that a prayer of mourning had taken place in New York for the rebels who died in the Warsaw Ghetto. These were heroic Jews who rose up and acted against the Scourge. We feel proud that the Jews of Warsaw protected themselves, and did not want to face being killed without a struggle. Mr. Beck bought an additional rifle today, and no longer talks about making a trip. It appears that he is planning to secure the house from all possible assaults.

Every day was a gift of fate. We had a new surprise today. Mr. Beck was ordered to lodge four soldiers, despite the fact that he was already boarding train workers in one room of his house. Now the Becks had only one room to use aside from the kitchen. The soldiers entered the room over the hideout on the second level, and Mr. Beck and his wife went into a room directly above us.

I do not know how we will survive under these conditions. Four soldiers in a room directly above us is not a simple matter! When will the Becks give us water? When will we take out the pails to empty them? Assuming that the train workers leave the house for work, certainly one of the soldiers could remain in the house. If the soldiers go outside, the train workers will return and we will be unable to take even one step. In the meantime our luck is holding out in the sea of troubles. The soldiers were initially stubborn, and they insisted on using the room right above us. Mrs. Beck argued with them several times, and told them to take the room offered to them. If the soldiers did not actually go along with Mrs. Beck, and they did use the room above us, then access to the floor entry would end for the fourteen adults and four children below.

Towards evening, a gendarme arrived at the house, by order of the head of the gendarmerie, to present himself for military service. We were frightened and panicked about this, and believed that perhaps this matter had something to do with plans to go after the partisans. It was very easy to find an informer. It is hard to describe how fearful we were and we imagined the worst. In the end, Mr. Beck returned home, singing and happy, in order to calm us down. In doing so, he gave us a sign that nothing serious, God forbid, happened, although he did not get a chance to approach the floor entry because of the train workers. It was only late in the evening that we found out that they told him at the gendarmerie, that he has to stand guard at the rear of the train.

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Sunday, April 23, 1944

The soldiers are now officially living in our house all of the time. Contrary to their promise that they would only be in the house when they were asleep, they actually spend all hours of the day here. In addition, everyone who comes to visit Mr. Beck sits in the room that is directly above us.

While people are above us we must remain completely still, without any movement. We use our pails with great fear, holding ourselves back until it is safe to take care of our needs. When the train workers go to sleep, the soldiers leave the house. When the train workers leave the house, the soldiers return. I do not know how long we can put up with this condition.

The people located in the second hideout found it necessary to reverse their days and nights. They simply could not sleep at night when the soldiers were in the room above them. Since a person cannot control what happens to him while asleep, and the top of the hideout is very low, when someone wants to sit up from bed, he could hit his head on the ceiling.

There is the usual stagnation at the front that comes before a major attack. The Germans communicate about the substantial sins of the Soviet army. We are hoping that Lvov will be conquered quickly. If it takes too long, we will not be able to hold out. Who would believe that it was possible to live with six Germans over our heads, and not one of them senses our presence? If we had money, we could buy bread, and we would manage with dry bread in the hideout. But we can't buy bread and we must boil potatoes. The most worrisome thing we experience is emptying the pails. With no other possibility available, we dug a pit in the hideout and poured the pails into the pit, but we don't have enough room in the hideout to do this on a daily basis. We have to accept the demands of fate. What will be will be. We have suffered so much in any case, and maybe we will be able to withstand our future challenges as well.

Today I am going to the second hideout because I have to switch with Kuba. He coughs a lot because the smelly air is suffocating him. He stays awake on his bunker boards all night. Lula also does not dare to fall asleep because she snores. Luckily, when I slept she was quiet, and so they permitted me to remain asleep. Tonight, the air in the hideout is overly stuffy. Mr. Beck and Aleh are at work, and Mrs. Beck is home alone in the house. We were able to empty the pails today because all the Germans went out to lunch together. In this way, we ‘stole’ another day. The Germans hurry to return. They captured the city of Kuty. When is all of this going to end?

Mrs. Beck knocked on the floor entry at night and asked if one of us was snoring. She only thought this might be the case. Perhaps one of the soldiers was snoring. But the crux of the matter shows that this woman, who endangers herself by hiding us, cannot rest, even at night, as she is tortured by the same dreams of panic that hound us.

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The plague of soldiers is not one that is documented in the Torah. There are no empty rooms in the entire city. Polish farmers have been fleeing from the villages into the cities because the Ukrainians are murdering them. What would we do if they put some strange family with children into the Beck house? The Germans go out to the casino from time-to-time. They also have a hidden radio and they raise the volume that literally deafens all other sounds. Despite this, it is very hard for us to maintain the strength to put up with this.

Mr. Beck is talking about leaving again. The Ukrainians threaten the Poles with murder. Even Professor Lang, who always encouraged Mr. Beck to remain, is now starting to think that it is worth fleeing from this place. Despite everything, Mr. Beck's conscience does not permit him to leave us. He is so nervous and we believe that some minor incident could compel him to get up and go. Another thing that causes a crisis in Mr. Beck's soul is the issue of providing food for us. There are no more potatoes, no more money, and there are no buyers willing to take foreign currency. I am certain that money would help us in this situation, but where are we going to get money? I am sure that if Mr. Beck could get us food he would be less nervous. I know that he cannot bear the thought of us suffering from hunger. The one thing that can save us is an accelerated liberation. The pace of the war has to pick up soon. The battles are causing desertions along the Dniester River, and the Germans themselves admit it.

We have a new surprise. Wladek has arrived. He slept outside last night. He returned home in the afternoon today, acting ‘light-headed’. He could be seized, and then our lives would be in danger, but we are unable to show him how to act.

The electricity went off again today. We heard the noise of the plane engines. Perhaps they are really bombing Lvov. I hope they pass over the electric plant and not bomb it. Our already delicate situation becomes worse without electricity. Mr. Beck again said that he had no other alternative but to leave. We heard that terrifying things were being done in the city. The Ukrainians gave the Poles an ultimatum. The Poles had to leave the city by the first of May or be murdered. This has the essence of something purely German. They wanted the Poles to gather in a place called Guber-Gastvistov!, and from there they would be sent to forced labor camps, to which a horde of people had already been taken, and Mr. Beck does not want to stay here alone. We have no hope of survival without Beck, even if Mrs. Beck remained behind with us. Were it not for the Germans residing here, we could go out for a limited number of days. But seeing as we are here with them, under one roof, it is completely clear that we will fall into the talons of the Nazis immediately after Mr. Beck departs. The one thing that keeps up our spirits is that we have complete faith in the nobility of Mr. Beck's spirit. We hope that he will not lead us into danger and not decree the calamity of a certain death for eighteen people.

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After a tense night in which nobody slept, the day brought us little relief. We remained in the dark the whole day and the light came on only towards evening. But to offset this trouble, the soldiers left the house early in the morning. Mrs. Beck was able to boil potatoes, which we ate cold today. Yesterday, Mrs. Beck bought seventy kilograms of potatoes for us, and three loaves of bread. What is particularly important, however, is that we convinced Mr. Beck that he should give up on the idea of leaving. He promised that he would not abandon us. Our assessment was that this was really a sacrifice for him to make. It was clear that this condition could not persist much longer, but in this month, or the next two months, it was likely that even more difficult times were to come, even worse than in the seventeen months we just went through. Mr. Beck could still remain here because he was under the guard of the Germans, as he serves at the train station. Aleh works at the post office. Apart from this, Beck is considered a Pole through and through, but to be honest, word got out that he was a German patriot.

An English pound sold for 3,000 Zlotys. This, however, was rather a little sum, but it was good that Mr. Beck was able to get a little bit of food.

One of the train workers was in Lvov today, and he said that the market had been bombed. At least the electric plant was not hit and we still have electricity.

We had a terrifying night, and it was especially difficult for the residents of the second hideout. We ‘slept,’ if it is possible to refer to sleep as the state of four drowsy people in full light, and those asleep while on watch. At the moment that Gedalia suddenly got up and unintentionally hit the ceiling with his hand, we heard one of the Germans get out of bed. This may have been a coincidence, but it was enough to cause panic among us. We trembled, and asked one another: ‘did they, or did they not hear?’ Regardless, we were already afraid to remain in the same section of the hideout and we left. I sat in the small corridor until the sun rose in the morning, and could lie down only after Kuba got up and gave me his place. Today we decided we would never again sleep in the second hideout. We will have to sleep while on guard, in tandem with each other, in the main hideout. And if we do not get enough sleep during the night, we will make it up with sleep during the day. In any event, we have nothing to do. We will have to suffer a bit more until the Germans living here will leave. They are working in the telegraph office, and when the front comes closer they will have to get away from the city.

If only this would come quickly! It is difficult to bear the situation with the Germans present. They spent most of their time in the house, and when they went outside, we experienced a brief loss of electricity, and it was challenging to empty the pails. These Germans get up noisily, and wander around everywhere, in contrast to the train workers, who remain silent in the house. Mrs. Beck is very careful to make sure there aren't any soldiers in the corridor when she has to give us something through the floor entry.

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Mr. Beck again told us that he may be forced to get away from here. Rumors spread that all of the Volksdeutsche might actually be arrested if they don't leave by May 1^st.

This time we did not try to convince him to remain with us. We only requested that he take his rifle and shoot us all. It seems that our appeal touched his heart, because after a few minutes he let us know that he will maintain his position and stay with us to the end. If only the attack that would finally take the German soldiers out of here, would begin, our chance of survival will improve. It is clear that if the situation does not change quickly, Mr. Beck will no longer want to stay with us.

Mr. Beck oversaw the rationing of food in the hideout. What this means is that all the food was divided equally among all of us. At a given hour, each person would receive one kilogram of potatoes, thirty portions of bread, and a bit of milk. I am skeptical if Mr. Beck will really be able to provide us with all this food now, but at the very least, we are not going to die of hunger. I pray that Mr. Beck does not leave. Indeed, when we speak with him he no longer brings up the subject. He brought Wladek back into his house. Wladek doesn't hide all of the time because no one is searching for deserters and he simply does not want to stay in the hideout. Regardless of what trouble may befall us, he resides in the Beck house.

We heard the sound of airplanes again, and again the electricity went out. They are certainly bombing Lvov. I sense that with these repeated bombings, which are different from other bombings, they may finally hit the electric plant and we will be left in the dark. It seems that the alarms coming out of Lvov are very frequent, because yesterday and today, we lost electricity for several hours.

Essentially, the lack of electricity is very dangerous for us. When the soldiers are in their room, and they can't listen to the radio without electricity, it is very easy to hear every movement in the house. Our floor entry is below them, and moving around near it is fraught with danger.

It appears that our electricity is not in working order because Lvov is being heavily bombed. The Russians dropped leaflets over the city, indicating that Lvov will be bombed for three days in a row. We decided to align our way of life to these new conditions. Mrs. Beck comes to the floor entry only in the afternoon, and brings us water, bread and milk when available. Today there was no bread, but each of us had set

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aside a slice from yesterday's portion. In place of the potatoes, which caused us considerable trouble, Mrs. Beck cooked fanczak for us (rye grits), and she divided it among us for lunch and supper.

In less than an hour, Lvov was bombed again. Since the soldiers are not in the house, Mr. Beck asked Mundek to go upstairs and watch the rockets through the window.

Who knows? Maybe this bombing will bring on the desired assault.

After two days of suffering and sitting in darkness, the electricity suddenly turned back on in the afternoon. Mr. Beck came downstairs and told us that we did not have a penny amongst us. He cannot get more than 800 Zlotys for the two and a half dollars of gold obtained from the pharmacist, despite the fact that he used to get two thousand Zlotys for this in the past. It turned out that even the pharmacist's money was not sufficient. Unfortunately, all that remained in our possession was foreign exchange and not Polish Zlotys. We can no longer scrimp on the portions of food. In another moment, the electricity will go out. I will finish this writing tomorrow.

Mr. Beck again began to plan a departure. He panicked when someone told him that the Soviet troops were sending everyone from the captured territories to Siberia and killing them there. I do not understand why Mr. Beck causes us so much anxiety. If he has decided to travel, let him do it already, and what will be will be. We have no strength left to bear this day-by-day anxiety, and we are almost crazy. There are times when all I want to do is scream and scream. If a person is going to reside upstairs for an extended period of time, then we will pound on the ceiling. I am certain this would make it easier on me. It is clear that all of us are infected with the insanity of being pursued. Most of us, including myself, are very busy preparing food for pogroms. Gedalia sits and writes all day. Mundek Patrontacz does an accounting of how long we have been confined to the hideout. He then converts his calculation of days, weeks and months into minutes and seconds. If this continues in this way there will be many candidates among us for an insane asylum.

Six Jews were seized today, among them was the convert, Fundik. Four of this group were killed immediately, and Fundik and one woman who appeared to have Aryan papers, were taken off to Lvov. But what awaits them in Lvov? What pain, to have to die minutes before the final hour.

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Sabbath, May 6, 1944

All the Poles are leaving. Even the elderly Zarska, a woman who is very attached to her house, her garden, and her cow, and even the priests are leaving. As understood, Mr. Beck does not want to be the only Pole left here, and he is constantly torn over this. He weighs his options and updates them, because his conscience does not allow him to abandon 18 lives to a certain death. Today, von Pape's secretary visited us. She came from the ‘refugee house’ and said that it is very good there. I would have preferred hearing the opposite of this, perhaps to counter Mr. and Mrs. Beck from satisfying their desire to leave. She advised that von Pape, the decrepit one himself, will come on Tuesday and take the remaining Volksdeutsche away from the city.

What shall we do? We could no longer continue to fight for our existence! We can no longer persuade Mr. Beck to stay. We will have to coalesce and rely on his conscience, and his good will. We are now in a state similar to where we were during the fire. But at that time, at least one of us had a friend or a relative who could find us a place to hide. We can't do this now because we cannot leave the hideout. Hordes of people gathered together when the fire broke out, surrounded by military men. The factory buildings were full of army staff. The army stood watch in the cemetery, soldiers were circulating about, and our house is right in the middle of all of this. If only one of us had the nerve to show himself outside in the evening, they would shoot us immediately. And where and to whom could we possibly turn? All the Poles left the city, with only a few Ukrainians remaining, and Ukrainians tore apart the Jews into pieces. The hour favors the Ukrainians. The plunder, as usual. They take jewelry, that is really Jewish property anyway, from Polish houses. The Ukrainian militia has returned to the city, and they arrest people on their own authorization. They are collecting a huge amount of arms. The German gendarmerie does not react to what they are doing, which is puzzling, as this goes on behind their backs. Perhaps the Germans are planning to leave units of Ukrainian partisans behind. Maybe the Germans are planning to turn over this territory as a neutral Ukraine that will be independent, in exchange for their help. It looks like a new political cabal of thieves is being created. Who knows what idea will come up in Hitler's mind at the last minute? What else is going to happen?

Today the Germans seized Mrs. Bernstein and her three children. They were neighbors and a family whom we knew well. The Germans found her at the Malczynski residence. The owners of the house had already left their home. They were getting ready to leave Zolkiew and were already at the train station where they were arrested by the Germans and then later released. Mrs. Bernstein did not implicate the Malczynskis. She told the Germans that she and her daughters hid in a Polish village (szlachta), but because the entire population of the village left, and the houses were all set on fire, she had to flee. She hid at the Malczynskis in a stack of hay, without them knowing it.

We think that she hid with the Volksdeutsche, Eisenbart (she hid there during the November Aktion), and when he left her to the good graces of fate, she fled to the house of Zarski. She did not stay there for a long time, because Zarski had also left the city. She and her daughters fled to the Malczynski house, and there she was revealed to the gendarmes. This sort of fate threatened us as well.

Aleh decided to leave but Mr. Beck would not permit his daughter to travel by herself, so he planned to go as well. It is possible he wanted to do this without telling us. Mundek saw belongings inside of a suitcase upstairs. As Mr. Beck changes his plans, he no longer discusses travel with us. He does not want us to

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plead with him to stay. He has a soft heart and could not stand the crying. But one day he will leave and we will have to face that fact. The only thing that can save us is a speedy liberation. Sadly, the daily news lacks this desired content. The Soviet army has only been successful in engagements near Sevastopol, and this gives us no comfort because Sevastopol is ‘there’ and we are here.

Today, Mr. Beck promised that he would stay with us and leave only under the worst possible circumstances. It would be best for us if the war would speed up near us, but there is quiet all along all lengths of the front. One of the train workers left the house for a two week furlough, and he left all his belongings in the house; he must feel certain that he will return. The soldiers stay here all the time like a choke hold around our throats. One of them goes out every evening to work at the post office, but then he sleeps in the house all day. His presence is oppressive and makes it difficult for us to have the chance to pour out the pails. Now, we have had some additional trouble. Professor Kolodzhyski is a frequent visitor to the Beck house. He sits in their room, that is to say, the one above our heads, for many hours, and we are afraid to move. He is also a bad influence on Mr. Beck. Our host gets very nervous after every one of his visits, and that's when he begins to talk about the need to leave. From our side, we felt we had reached the end of our rope, and we are losing the rest of our hope. We are at the edge of desperation. Seventeen months of torture is more than enough.

The time has come for us to acknowledge our fate and get used to the thought that we should anticipate death. Meanwhile every hour the terror draws nearer. We are increasingly afraid, but the will to live grows stronger within us. We stare death in the face every day. We do not know with certainty that our suffering has not been in vain, or that there is only so much time left to suffer and no more. In fact, we sit, and torture ourselves, not knowking when or what will be our end.

Today was one of the good days. Mr. Beck spoke with Mundek and told him that he did not want to leave, but he sensed that he would be forced to do so. Today, Hans, the gendarme, came and explained to Mrs. Beck and his wife, that the transfer of the population from place to place is taking place, and people are being organized by national origin. The Ukrainians will remain here, and the Poles will be taken to the Gubernatorstwo. Even as a Volksdeutsche, Mr. Beck will have to leave here despite the nature of his work, because that does not matter in this case. On the other hand, if von Pape comes he will take all of them. Rumors have spread about the city that all of the Volksdeutsche will be sent to punishment camps. Regardless of what trouble may befall us, Mr. Beck wants to stay with us and Manya, but she has to have money so that she can buy food for us. She does not know how to exchange a lira or a dollar to zlotys.

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But we feel we will not be able to arrange our affairs with Manya, regardless of whether we have money. Even in the best case if Manya would be willing to deal with us (she has an invalid brother and may be able to come to us for a half day only), the Germans will not leave a house of this size in her possession. If Mr. Beck leaves, we are lost. Is he not taking this situation into account?

We heard the doorbell ring. Mrs. Beck hurried to admit the guest, who spoke to her in German. This wasn't the voice of a soldier or a train worker. As far as we knew, there was an unknown gendarme facing her. It appeared that Mrs. Beck was confused and answered with an uncertain voice. They came into the room above us. One gendarme went to the radio and stood right near the floor entry.

We heard segments of what was said: ‘Jews… Eisenbart’ and we were persuaded that this was a search. The pharmacist prepared a glass of poison and a glass of water, and we were wringing our hands.

Suddenly Aleh appeared near her mother and she opened with a stream of lively conversation. We weren't able to hear her exactly, but we sensed that we were not in danger. Thank God, it all ended well. Tomorrow we will find out who this German was, and what he was looking for. We have to wait until tomorrow, because there is no chance for the Becks to come to the floor entry because of the soldiers remaining in the house today.

Our position is undermined and gets worse from day to day. Professor Lang, who was always able to bolster Mr. Beck, is leaving. Professor Kolodzhyski sent his wife and their belongings out of the city, but personally remained behind for about an hour. Mr. Beck promises that he will not travel anywhere, and only do what he is compelled to do. We understand that one day he could confront us with the fact that he is leaving, full stop.

Von Pape is supposed to arrive any day. What will happen if Beck is given an order to evacuate?

The presence of death terrifies us, and is becoming even more intense. Professor Lang met with Mrs. Bergstein and her children who were brought to Lvov by gendarmes. We know this means that they will not shoot her immediately. She will be tortured by the Gestapo. It seems that death by a bullet is too easy for the Jews. I tremble all over when I think about the fate of these poor souls. I am not ready to forget the stories of the torture of my Aunt Git'cheh who lived in Lvov during the period of the first German conquest. She saw the state of the Jews who were ‘lucky enough’ to get out alive from the clutches of the Gestapo, on ul. Lunski. They were bent over, limbs cut off, without noses, without ears, without hands, without breasts. Drenched in blood, they would fall in the middle of the road.

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We came to a decision. If our hideout is revealed we will not go on the road to torture. We have been saving five liters of benzene in a pit under the ground. We will set the house on fire at the last possible moment, and be consumed alive.

As to yesterday's visit which caused our emotional reactions, it became clear that this secret gendarme was in fact, Hans, whose voice we did not recognize. The word, Jew, was used in the course of his discussion. But this was Hans, who pretended not to know that there were Jews under Polish rule who had radios in their homes.

The city of Sevastopol was captured. Perhaps they will get closer to us. The time for this already arrived! Von Pape is not here and Mr. Beck was in a better than usual mood. Today, he did not bring up the matter of leaving and even gave us his rifle so we could hide it below. This was a sign that he still wanted to stay in the place where he was.

There was silence about the matter of Beck's leaving. Even Professor Lang did not travel away, and von Pape, who lived in Zolkiew, and who was everyone's nightmare, did not show up. A new hope penetrated our hearts, although we are all surrounded and have to remain silent. Every guest in the Beck house, and there were many, (even though many left the city) sits in the room directly above our hideout, and we maintain extreme care about our voices and movement.

Melman and his wife had to eat cold potatoes because Hans came in at the precise time they would have boiled them. In addition to Hans, there was an additional, but affable guest. Professor Kolodzhyski comes twice a day to listen to the daily news on the radio. This is quite a nuisance, as he spends whole days with the Beck family. We would prefer more visits from Beck's sister-in-law. She talks a lot, and in a loud voice, and this calms us. Today, for example, Gedalia unintentionally touched a supporting board, and a light thump could be heard. A fear of death fell upon us because this happened when Kolodzhyski was upstairs. Luckily the incident occurred during the afternoon when there was a lot of noise in the house, and so no one detected our noise. We did not know this, and it was only later in the evening that Mr. Beck was able to speak to us, which calmed us, and relaxed our mood.

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Sabbath, May 13, 1944

A very serious concern arose that could not be easily dismissed. Even though it looked like there was no change to our situation, we have to be more careful. Hans visited yesterday, and he and the Becks and a soldier were engaged in a conversation, and as usual, they touched on their beloved subject of the Jews and the Jewish question.

Hans said that he would like to be in Hungary right now, because they are implementing Aktionen to wipe out Jews, as had been the case earlier in Poland. It appears that he cannot live without spilling the blood of innocents. The soldier further enlightened his comments. He did not want to murder Jews when they are defenseless. He would take a stand against those Jews who appeared with arms in hand.

And that is how the conversation ended. After Hans left, the soldier asked Mrs. Beck, how long had she been living in this house. He explained that one time when he was lying on the couch he clearly heard some sort of rustling of straw under the floor. This sparked his curiosity. He knew a story about a house where Jews were hiding that was supplied with plenty of food, and the homeowners knew nothing of them. Mrs. Beck quietly answered that she had been living in the house for two years. It appears that this matter served to convince him that he had simply made a mistake. We were fortunate because as it happens, this was a discussion with the ‘good’ soldier. We knew that there was a sadist among them, who argued that death coming from a bullet was too easy for Jews, because he personally used to hack them up into pieces. If he had a suspicion that Jews were living in this house, he would certainly have informed the gendarme, and together they would launch an inspection. I imagined what Mrs. Beck and Aleh felt at that moment. I do not know if I could have remained cool-headed at a moment like this.

We had a terrifying and fearful day. We lived all day under the constant state of alarm. The doors to the Beck house were open. Guests streamed in at frequent intervals without stopping all day, including gendarmes, soldiers, and others. It was possible to collect some potatoes during breaks but it was difficult to cook them. The potatoes belonging to the Melman family blackened and turned hard as stone, because they stopped cooking them before they were done. We were able to finish cooking our potatoes, but we ate them when they were cold, because a man returned upstairs. Because of this we stinted on today's food when we ate the evening meal. The electricity went out, and after this there was an alarm because of airplanes flying overhead. We had our afternoon meal at nine o'clock at night, and that also served as our evening meal. We also had no opportunity to empty the pails. With all this, there was no tragedy. My only request was that Mr. Beck would not leave this place. Lang finally did leave. The Szofarski family also left, and even Horiczko, a worker at the flour mill went off, because he was Polish.

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Monday, May 15, 1944

It had been a long time since Mr. Beck was drunk, but today he got as drunk as Lot. I do not look at him disapprovingly for this. Do we not cause him worries and frayed nerves? He, apparently, is trying to forget. He went out early in the morning; hours went by, and he did not return home. We understood that he had gone to drink and we sensed that perhaps he had gone to drink with his friend Hans. Towards evening, his sister-in-law came running, to tell Mrs. Beck that her husband was in his cups, and came to sleep at her house. He returned home later in the evening. We heard Mrs. Beck giving him a lecture that he should not drink so as not to arouse suspicion about how he got the money for whiskey, since there is no active business in Zolkiew. We found out that our suspicions were correct, and it was true that he was drinking with Hans.

No guests came today and we could breathe a little easier, but there was darkness during the midday hours because of airplanes. The electricity returned at about two o'clock. This time they did not bomb Lvov, but rather Stary, Khodoriv, and Mosty'-Wielko. There isn't news about this yet on the radio, but we are hoping that the attack will begin quickly after this bombing of our surroundings. There were also significant victories by the Allies, but for now they are still far away from us, and it is very difficult for us to anticipate help from that side.

We have passed the middle of the month of May, and have not heard of an attack in our area. Outside, spring is at its height, but this does not gladden us. Quite the opposite. When it is hot outside, it is more difficult to bear the heat in the hideout. The heat weakens us. We have become more exhausted, and our bodies have less resistance.

We are also cooking less since there is nothing to cook. A stifling heat pervades the hideout because we mostly keep the floor entry closed as a security precaution and fear of the soldiers. Occasionally, when I hear movement upstairs, a laugh, the conversation of guests, the sound of the radio, I am happy that at least Mr. Beck and his wife have a little happiness. However, I feel that my heart is broken out of sorrow at the injustice of our fate.

Are the lives of these people worth more than mine? What allows a terrifying murderer like Hans to earn the privilege of additional life, but it is denied to me? What do I get from all of this? I am forced to hide like a lowly sinner. I never in my whole life caused harm to anyone. A sense of rebellion rises and grows stronger within me. Is no one listening to the cry of my heart? Is the entire world deaf and dumb in the face of our suffering?

Mrs. Beck is going to Lvov today, and we are impatiently waiting for her return. We are neither silent or frightened if something bad should befall her. The electricity has gone out again. Maybe they are bombing Lvov?

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Wednesday, May 17, 1944

They are cleaning out the entire city of Lvov. They will certainly capture the remaining hidden Jews there, and we are doomed to the same end. These soldiers will eliminate us. Yesterday, Hans visited here, and spoke with the soldiers, and during the conversation, he advised them, that because the Poles and the Volksdeutsche are leaving this place, they have been successfully finding and seizing the remnant-survivors of the Jews, because that is where the Jews were hidden.

The soldiers told Mr. Beck, that when they were billeted in the city of Brody, there was an incident in which they found ten Jews who were hiding under the floor. A story like this, and some other signs that we discerned among them, proved that they suspected that Mr. Beck and his wife were concealing Jews. Perhaps this morbid comparison felt exaggerated. But it is a fact that we will not be able to continue in the ambience of these soldiers. In addition to all of the troubles, they walk around the house in soft house-shoes and we can't hear them when they are walking in the room. We used to be able to readily discern footfalls when the soldiers wore their ironclad military shoes. This was a warning signal to us, letting us know they were above and that we should be careful and watch ourselves.

We still do not have electricity. The mice run around here, and we fear that if they make even a tiny sound, suspicion will fall on us, and not the mice.

At this moment the lights came on. Our shouts of joy were frozen on our lips because the soldiers were upstairs. It is ten o'clock at night, and we didn't expect to have light at this late hour, and especially after a rumor circulated that the Institute for Liaison was bombed from the air. Two days of darkness seemed like an eternity to us. This is worse than a prison, because in prison, at least one is allowed to speak, sing, and look at the fabric of the world of The Holy One Blessed Be He. There is secure access to food, and most importantly, we could await a set and known end to a sentence. Here, frail children sit in the dark, with a death sentence hovering over their heads.

We were able to hear a little of the daily news. The soldiers captured the city of Monte Cassino. However, Monte Cassino is not Brody, or Tarnopol, but perhaps there is good news in this for us as well. We were able to use electricity for about an hour, which eased our lives of degeneration. The question of food for all of us depended in large measure on the availability of electricity. It was difficult for Mrs. Beck to cook for all of us at her house. It was not possible to leave a large pot on the fire every day when strangers were circulating in the house, because it would eventually arouse suspicion. We lived on bread only, despite the fact that it had become expensive. Since we were dependent on the generosity of the pharmacist, we were unable to exceed the allotment of seven Zlotys. The worst thing was taking care of bodily needs. Sadly, we did not have much room in the hideout. Twice already one of the soldiers came to the toilet immediately after we emptied the pails, and

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he detected the bad odor. We do not have enough room in the hideout in which to empty the pails, and the odor from here penetrates upstairs. We also had to think about the awful sanitary conditions from which we could contract an infectious disease. We had no other choice but to empty the pails upstairs, and to trust our luck that the soldiers would not come upon us by surprise.

Von Pape, the nightmare of Zolkiew, reached the city today. Mr. Beck showed no emotion about this. A lieutenant of the gendarmerie promised Mr. Beck that he would notify Pape that Beck will travel together with the gendarmerie only at the last minute, and in the meantime, he will stay in place.

As a result we had to be careful about our good relationship with the gendarmerie. But only God in Heaven knows how much anxiety this causes us and the Beck family. Today, two German gendarmes arrived in a carriage, with two of the Ukrainian police. Mrs. Beck did not recognize them at a distance, and as usual, became fearful. It turned out that they were indeed familiar, and had stopped for a minute in order to taste a bit of whiskey.

I do not have the ability to describe what happened to us last night, and this morning. I cannot believe that we actually avoided extermination.

Zuszya screamed loudly in a dream last night. Today, the Ukrainian militia arrived at nine in the morning to search the Beck family house in order to see if there were Jews here.

We connected these two incidents, and we were certain that the soldiers had informed on us. I cannot even describe our emotions as Artik looked out the window and saw a military policeman with a rifle in his hands. We no longer had any illusions about what was to come. We were certain that our end had arrived. But look at this miracle! I felt more sorrow for Mr. Beck and his family than for us. We know that a death sentence hovers over our heads. This was part of our fate. But what of the Becks? They are people who should have the privilege of life, and why do they deserve this?

But we were safe again with a good resolution of the danger. Here, I bless fate which gave me the opportunity to quietly describe all that we saw.

Even though Zuszya let out a loud scream in her sleep, the soldier was so deeply asleep that he did not hear the scream. The men of the Ukrainian militia began to knock on Beck's door at nine o'clock in the morning. Someone in the city

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had informed the Germans that the Becks were hiding Jews. But instead of Jews, the police encountered an angry German soldier in the house who loudly and bitterly complained that these pigs, which is what he called the Ukrainians, should conduct a search and capture of Jews in a house where German soldiers are being billeted!

We realized that we were wrong when we complained about the soldiers. The presence of the soldiers in the house is what kept our presence from being revealed to the police. When the officer of the gendarmes heard this, he admitted that it was not possible for Jews to hide here after all, and he canceled the search of the house.

Despite this, they glanced into the bathroom, and the cellar, the pantry, and each factory yard. They uncovered the hideout that was in the factory yard, and this sufficed for them, because the written complaint included the fact that Melman had dug a tunnel that leads from the house to the factory. This was partly true, because at the outset they intended to make such a tunnel, but luckily for us, they gave up on this plan.

Only miracles happened on this day. Mr. Beck and his wife again withstood this very test well. And not only did they not come to lecture us because they had no complaints against us, quite the opposite. They took advantage of this current opportunity to approach the floor entry and calm us down and even give us some bread! This is a testimony to their nobility of spirit. And it is difficult at this moment, after a fearful experience like this, to think about their daily responsibility toward us. We have nothing to give them. We are such a burden to them, and with each burden they could pay with their lives. Despite this, it did not break their spirit. I admit and confess that none of us could bear such a situation. Let the liberation come at least for them, if not for us. But this does not seem to be on the horizon.

No news on the battlefront, but on the battlefront against the Jews, they did not halt their pursuits.

Yesterday they found six Jews. Gendarmes and street thugs pursued and ran after Jews like stray dogs. And what did they get for this? What was the purpose in doing this? Why should it matter to them if some people are saved after this terrifying catastrophe? I do not know if as many as fifty Jews remain in the entire city of Zolkiew who could flee, because one cannot find such people like Mr. Beck who assumed the task of rescuing eighteen Jews. In our time, there are no such people in the entire world. And so, yesterday, they found six Jews. Some street thug detected them through a window and informed on them to the gendarmerie. They arranged a search, and the Jews were trapped in the cellar. They looked and looked, until they found the hideout, which was completely concealed from people's visibility. The Jews did not run to flee from their hideout. The Germans poured benzene into it, and ignited it, which forced these doomed people to leave their hideout.

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Tuesday May 23, 1944

Despite the fact that the search in our house ended well, it brought on very aggravating results. Mr. Beck became very famous in the city, as was the case after the fire. Rumors spread about him, that he worked together with the militia police. In fact, after the search, Mr. Beck invited the Ukrainian murderers to a party in order to prove that he did not have a serious connection with them, and the rumors were a harm to his dignity.

Others spread rumors that there is no question that Mr. Beck hid Jews in his home, and he hid them so well they will never be found.

We were very afraid that such untrue talk would reach the ears of people who could endanger the Becks, or have them sent away from here.

I haven't written for a few days because I did not have paper. Mrs. Beck brought me a notebook today. I was very surprised that she remembered this considering the serious troubles that have fallen upon her, and all of us, from the time of that search. These false rumors about our house did not stop. Not only did they echo through the city, the rumors reached the headquarters of the gendarmerie. Hans visited yesterday because they just found the Jew, Karp, dressed as a farmer, and so the conversation turned to the subject of the Jews. Hans said that a woman came to him and told him that thirteen Jews are hidden in the Beck family house. Naturally, Hans added, ‘I immediately reprimanded her and told her that I have been at the Beck house regularly since last March, and each time I was there, I was certain to be able to discern if Jews were in hiding.’

This calmed him down a bit, especially seeing that the gendarme is completely confident in Mr. Beck, and certainly does not suspect him at all.

With this, I can say our health improved based on this discussion with our host. I saw Mr. Beck today, and he had aged terribly during the last few days. And all of this for us. Today they conducted a search of Mrs. Manya's house. They did not want to say what or whom they were looking for, but it is clear they were looking for us. Tomorrow is the holiday of Shavuot for the Christians. Sadly, this is not a holiday for our host. They have to guard us all day because the soldiers barely go out of the house. Despite being overcome with fear, Mrs. Beck is cooking soup for us, using the electricity which is available only from ten at night until six in the morning. We asked her several times to skip the cooking, but she argues that she is unable to eat anything herself when she thinks about the fact that we did not have warm food.

And we simply have no appetite for eating because we know what kind of effort has gone into its preparation! Why should she stand and cook when her heart is racing with fear, and afterwards, run to the floor entry with the giant pot in her hands in order to provide us with soup?

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At frequent intervals, when the soldiers are sitting around the house, and in her desire to get rid of the pot from the kitchen, Mrs. Beck has to think up many excuses to distract the Germans so that they do not move out of their room. Yesterday, for example, she sent her sister-in-law into them to engage in some conversation, or Mr. Beck might entertain them with the accordion. How many more times can one torture one's self? We empty the pails below, and cover the holes with sand. We remain in the dark all day, and turn on the lights at three in the morning. We can't stay in the dark all of the time for so many days in a row, for it leaves a mark on us in a terrible and terrifying way.

Today, the Beck couple celebrated their 22^nd wedding anniversary. The house upstairs was full of guests, and they behaved very well. Mr. Beck sang, and seemed to be in a good mood; there was a good ambience in the house. Despite this, we later learned that Mr. Beck's good humor was contrived, as if he were being forced to be happy. Afterwards, he came down to us and shared his concerns.

He feared that the Jews who were recently seized possibly knew of our hideout. We do know that Mr. Beck bargained with one of them, and the other, Brenner, is well known. We are concerned that the Gestapo people in Lvov can come to this house to conduct a search. We tried to persuade him otherwise, that no one knows of us or our hideout, but in vain. It is partly true. We were hoping that the matter would die down and that Mr. Beck and his wife would return to an even balance, because their moods have an effect on us. Until now, they encouraged us and bolstered our spirits, and now they are searching for a bit of encouragement and comfort from us, the Jews, the living dead.

We had electricity all day today, and Mrs. Beck did not have trouble with our care. She took a moment to offer us some water and potatoes, and after that, the floor entry was kept closed all day. The soldiers went out for a stroll in the evening with Aleh, and as a result were able to get some fresh air into the hideout.

The daily news is beginning to mention battlefronts here and there. I wish that the front would get closer to us more quickly. Perhaps then the soldiers will finally leave this place. We literally have survived through miracles while living in the same quarters as the soldiers for five consecutive weeks, but I don't imagine that this can go on in the future.

Who would even believe that they are still searching for Jews! But where? At Kriegel! How could they find a person there? Why would Jews go to Kriegel? Kriegel is a nightmare in the form of a human being, a source of fear to the Jews. He is a dangerous, silent, member of the police, who participated in the Aktionen to exterminate Jews, and he seized and captured Jews who were jumpers from the trains. So why would you find

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Jews with this scum? It appears that they suspect all the Volksdeutsche who had not yet left. They suspected that any of the Volksdeutsche who still remained were hiding Jews. It is possible that Hans expects to expose Jews, because he visits here frequently. Yesterday he was here until late at night. He came after noon today, and now he is sitting in the room above us. Who knows, maybe he came to track and detect Jews.

Since we had electricity all day, and because the soldiers went out for a stroll in fields in the beautiful fresh air, we had the chance to take care of some of our needs. We dug a deep pit in the hideout, and we will take care of our bodily functions there. We came to the conclusion that emptying the pails upstairs again was totally impossible.

Today Hans warned Mr. Beck not to go to work and not to leave the house because the Ukrainians are ‘cooking something up’. A large inventory of Soviet arms was found with them, and in connection with this, they are expecting action. I personally do not believe that the Ukrainians actually have the nerve to carry out an attack of some sort, but it seems something is going to happen because Wladek and Mr. Beck's sister-in-law are afraid to sleep in their house and came here to stay with the Beck family.

It seems that an attack can happen any day now. The German radio advises that they detect a strong movement of Soviet army units at all points along the front. Despite it all, we are not certain that we will be able to protect our lives, and we are constantly harassed and pressured by the thought that the soldiers can expose us in the hideout. In any event, we prepared an alternative for ourselves from a death by torture. After much pleading, we succeeded in getting bullets from Mr. Beck, for the rifle he gave us for our protection. We will make use of this regardless of the trouble that may befall us at the right time. We prefer to die in this place, rather than being dragged through the city for the amusement of the farmers, and be taken to Lvov to die there in torture at the hands of the Gestapo. And with all that we are still so desirous of continuing to live! Ho, why do we want to continue to hold on to this life?

Two days and nights went by and nothing special happened, yet we have new problems. The pharmacist gave twenty crowns of gold to Mr. Beck to be sold, and Mr. Beck found a man who was ready to buy them. But who is this buyer? Not more and not less than the officer of the Ukrainian militia, the same man who not long ago arranged for the search. This is a terrifying and terrible danger! Mr. Beck took a hasty and dangerous step, because in doing this, he might prompt suspicion that he may be hiding Jews, because otherwise, where did he get the golden crowns? This coin was the property of Jews only, and in addition, everyone who becomes involved in making transactions with gold ends up dead, and Mr. Beck knows this very well.

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So why is he endangering himself at this time when the ground is literally burning under his feet? The officer argued that he wants to own the gold for himself because he wants to make a ring out of it. But who knows what really lies hidden in this pretext? And if this is the way he got ‘gifts’ such as beautiful rings this way, from the Jews, is it his intent to be saved this way from death? Had he not pillaged the property of every Jew before he murdered them by his own hand? Sadly, we could not convince Mr. Beck because he has his own mind and thoughts. He is convinced that this is the right thing to do. And in truth, I must admit that after every one of his moves, which initially seemed to us to be dangerous steps, we did see that his actions worked out in the right direction. And so, we hope that this matter will be settled in a good way. In an hour, the officer of the Ukrainian militia will become one of the regular visitors to our house. He had already begun to visit here from time to time, and came to drink whiskey, like Hans. This was a sort of ‘alibi’ and a good proof of Mr. Beck's cleverness. Among his steady guests and contacts were German gendarmes and Ukrainian police, and of course the German train workers who are living here now for the fifth month, and German soldiers, who have been here for six weeks. It is clear that there is no reason to suspect that Mr. Beck is hiding Jews.

We are still waiting and waiting for an attack. The Allies are moving along quickly in Italy, but it is still a bit too far from Italy to Poland. It is getting too late for us! There are intense battles, but the purpose of the campaign is to destroy the oil fields in Ploiesti and not to liberate us. I am again skeptical as to whether we will reach the days of freedom. Experience has proven that when there are battles in Italy it will be quiet on the eastern front, and also the opposite. Oh, who will assure that we don't return to the same condition we were in! If the front does not get closer to us our fate will be a bad and bitter one.

If the soldiers don't leave this house then we will have suffered in vain up to this point. I am even more concerned about the Beck family which has sacrificed so much for our well being. Why do such noble people have death hovering over their heads? Is it because they saved the lives of eighteen people? These days I don't remain silent, and as I cling to life as strongly as ever an attack of apathy comes over me, and the feeling of resignation takes over. I am simply missing the strength to struggle for life. I just wanted to be privileged to attain liberation, and to see how these noble people will be rewarded for their deeds. And perhaps we will have the opportunity to reward them at least a bit, for saving our lives.

Fate chases us, and does not shine its face upon us. There hasn't been encouraging news from the eastern front, and ill winds are blowing through the local front. Norbert, one of the villainous soldiers, left on furlough, and his place was taken by another soldier who was worse than him. At least Norbert sang while he was in the house, and created noise, and slept so deeply at night, so much that his snoring was heard in our second hideout. And now, we hear that this new soldier's behavior is rough and that he acts arrogantly towards Mr. Beck and his wife. He explained to them that he had to sleep during the day because he suffers from insomnia at night. This is a terrifying problem for us, because if he does not sleep at night, then he must be listening. And if he sleeps during the

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day, he is not leaving the house. We thought we were lucky when we found out that Norbert was leaving for a furlough and that his companion, Richard, would be in the house by himself. Richard is young, cheerful, and likes Aleh, and because of this, his presence in the house will be much easier for us. Aleh frequently takes him out for a stroll, or she turns on the radio when he is in the house. She is successful at doing everything possible to decrease his alertness. What to do? We don't have an idea for everything. Perhaps the soldiers will finally be forced to go to the front. After all, they are soldiers.

Our night was full of various occurrences. Mr. Beck arrived home after midnight from his work duty, and brought Hans with him. There was nothing special about this, and it was possible that the gendarme would stay here for an hour or two, and then go home. But this time, Mr. Beck had a different agenda. He wanted to show the new resident soldier that he is a close friend of the officer running the German gendarmerie, and in this way to friend the ‘silent type’ (which is what Mr. Beck calls a silent and grumbling person) and they invited him to a whiskey party. They were sure that it would be much easier and faster to form bonds with people over a glass of whiskey. In general, Mr. Beck likes living together with people. When the train workers started to live here, Mr. Beck put whiskey on the table and invited them to have a drink with him. He did the same thing for the soldiers living with us. And the truth is that Mr. Beck had an excellent relationship with the soldiers in the house. We hope that even Norbert, the evil one, would stay here because Mr. Beck already worked out an approach to him. But let us return to our matter. The drinking continued until dawn, and the way these people comported themselves is impossible to describe.

August, the friend of the soldiers, and a frequent visitor, is a very jolly man. He tried to teach a new dance step to those present in the house. The foot stamping, the laughter and shouting could reach the heavens, and one would think that the house was shifting on its foundation. After three AM the noise died down a bit, and Hans came into the room over our heads. We heard the creak of the bed. It appears that he laid down on the bed of our host which stood right above our hideout. Mr. Beck tried to get him out of the room, and invited him for a glass of wine, but to no avail. Mr. Beck was not sure if we were preparing ourselves for having someone other than Beck in the room above us. In order to warn us, he began to joke in a loud voice and shout, as if he were drunk, ‘Hans, a policeman like you! What sort of a policeman are you if you are afraid to go out at night in the streets!’ This was how Mr. Beck let us know that Hans did not want to go out during the night hours and walk among the streets of the city, and that he was staying the night with the Beck family.

We turned on a light and sat on the platforms so as not to fall asleep. While sleeping, a person could potentially groan, cough, or snore, and now we have an issue with a German gendarme sleeping in a bed right above us. This particular gendarme is known for his cruelty and his skill in snaring Jews. He has sharp hearing and is conditioned to listen for any suspicious noise or whispers. We recalled that the entire relationship between Hans and Mr. Beck began at the time Hans first searched Beck's house, hoping to find Jews. But now he is completely drunk, and lies like a hunk of wood spread out on the bed, but he still could be alert to his surroundings!

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I had another special concern, because Zuszya slept by my side. I sensed I should wake her, so that she doesn't, God forbid, burst out crying, but somehow I was able to focus my eyes on her, and make sure she did not move around while asleep. Luckily, Hans slept the whole night, and he got up and left the house at seven o'clock.

Apparently the Divine Presence was watching over us, because after the incident of the fire, the searches, the visits of a variety of dignitaries (the police, the militia, Volksdeutsche, etc.) and the neighboring soldiers and train workers who stay with us under the beams of one roof, we have not yet been revealed. Oh, how all of these experiences have abused us! We have had enough of this! How we yearn for a bit of spiritual peace.

This is the fourth day of June, and quiet reigns on our front. The Allied victories were only in Italy, and they now stand only ten kilometers from Rome.

With all this we erred in our thinking about Hans. We were under the impression that he wanted Mr. Beck to leave this place. We also believed that Hans suspected Mr. Beck was hiding Jews, and if Mr. Beck left Zolkiew, he could capture these Jews. But today we were shown that our assumptions were wrong. Here is what happened: Aleh received an exit-order to go to Warsaw. When Hans found out about this, he arrived early in the morning in a carriage, and told Mr. Beck and his wife that it is within his power to try and stop and cancel the order. Mrs. Beck thanked him for his good will and help, and she added that she would prefer it if Aleh could travel and live in the Gubernatorstwo. In the event of trouble, they too would be able to travel there and they would have a place of refuge during their time of need.

We were very happy that Hans exhibited such good will toward our hosts because we were previously certain that after Aleh left, Hans would try to expel Mr. Beck and his wife from the house.

We were very sorry that Aleh was going away. We will miss her a great deal. She saved our lives several times. If we survive and live, we will never forget this, but if it is decreed for us not to encounter her again in this world, we hope that God will watch over her, keeping all evil away, and reward her for all the good that she did on our behalf.

Rome was captured. This was a significant victory, but I would have been more pleased to hear news of an onslaught on our front.

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Tuesday, June 6, 1944

Finally, at last, we received the details of the long-awaited onslaught. The invasion has come! Mr. Beck took advantage of the first opportunity to personally bring us this gladdening news when the soldiers left the house! The Allied armies landed on a beach in northern France with an enormous number of troops, and they bombed the beach and the ocean with six thousand planes. Eleven thousand planes stood ready for war, and a fleet of 4,000 ships participated in the landing initiative. This is an invasion on an insane level, with an army equipped with countless instruments of war. The German news did not indicate that they were able to disrupt this invasion. Our German soldiers in the house are very pressured. They don't joke or sing, and they seem to be afraid that they will be sent to the front. We hope this will happen as soon as possible so we will more easily be able to sustain ourselves until the end.

We so wanted the floor entry door to remain slightly open because the heat in the hideout was unbearable. During the day the heat was not so terrible because our window was open. But at night, when every stirring and whisper was heard outside, we had to close the window and we literally could not breathe. Even now, as I write, the sweat is pouring off my face. I cannot stop for even a minute to wipe my soaked face with a piece of linen, or fan myself. The night was especially warm, because we boiled potatoes for supper in the hideout. Mr. Beck can't buy bread, as he feels that his purchase will seem suspect. So we have no option and have to make do with potatoes in place of bread, but it seems like all of this may not continue for a long time.

Hans came to visit the Beck house today. Even he is greatly pressured. He says that the end of the war is getting closer. So, let him be the prophet, if only the end would arrive as fast as possible.

There is a going-away party in progress upstairs. Aleh is leaving tomorrow morning. It is too bad she is going. My feeling is that she does not have to do this now. Warsaw is big and there are a variety of many dangerous hidden traps for a young girl like her. Yet, who knows if maybe she will be taken into some camp, which seems very logical as five hundred young girls are traveling at one time. I was certain that the time of her departure will be delayed, and in the meantime serious events are likely to occur. To the pain in my heart, despite hearing of great victories by the Allies in France and Italy, they have no effect on our front. Even the soldiers are sitting around without moving. Only an attack by the Soviets is likely to uproot them from here. But in the meantime, the Soviet army is in no hurry.

We do not turn on the light despite the fact that it is past midnight. Hans is sitting upstairs. It is possible he will stay until five o'clock in the morning in order to escort Aleh to the train station. We have to be watchful and be careful not to fall asleep. In the dark, the noise of the mice may arouse a suspicion that something is going on with us. Well, we have to bear the responsibility for the scurrying of the mice around the hideout.

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Thursday, June 8, 1944

At the going-away party for Aleh, Hans advised her to stay. He anticipated that she would return home exhausted and barely escaping with her life. But Aleh was stubborn and sought to leave. She said that she had been in Lvov to submit a request to defer the trip to a later date, but this was denied and she has to leave tomorrow. Too bad the soldiers are not leaving the house tomorrow.

If the soldiers did not live here, we could open the floor entry widely, and we would not have to wallow in the terrifying asphyxiating heat. We are assaulted by the fear of death when we think of the soldier upstairs. He is a stubborn acolyte of Hitler, and even had previously served with the S.S. I have to conclude my writing tonight because we have to turn out the light to open the window.

For the first time we had the nerve to open the window at the very late hour of 11:00 PM because it was impossible to tolerate the heat. Mr. Beck was with us below, and personally said to open it.

We breathed a little easier towards the evening as we lay down beside the open window. There was a storm raging outside and the air permeated the hideout. We also smell the scent of the flowers that Mr. Beck brought us. How I love these flowers, yet they break my heart. The flowers remind me that there is a full world on the outside where the sun shines, the air is fresh, and there is vegetation. Everything exists, but not for me. I have to sit in a pit and choke, but why?

We were able to empty the pails into the pit that we dug, and covered it with sand, but the bad odor inside began to spread, and the ground felt damp. We fear the possibility of disease breaking out among us which would certainly completely fill the vessel of our suffering. The only thing that offsets the bitterness of our suffering, as a fortuitous consolation, is the noble behavior of Mr. Beck and his wife towards us. Their kindness raises our spirits. Intertwined in the web of our dark thoughts, they are the only beacon of hope. If there are good people such as the Becks, our rescuers and redeemers, then all cannot be bad in the world. Aleh is still with us, and we are glad about this, not only for personal reasons. We are happy for her and for the goodness in her that is likely to grow from this. When the Soviet storm is literally hanging in the air, we hope for her every hour, because truthfully this is not the time to leave the house. Something could happen suddenly, though, and she will have to go away, especially since this is an order for compulsory travel. Let us hope that she will be able to escape it.

I forgot to highlight a very pleasant occurrence. Mr. Beck sent me a beautiful notebook to write in. I don't know the reason why. It seems that he just wanted to make me feel better, and I owe him many thanks for his kind deed.

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Sabbath, June 10, 1944

Today we opened a new pit that would serve as a sort of toilet since we were forced to cover the prior one because it was almost full. The new pit is wider and will be sufficient for two months, but who knows if we will be able to hold out for this length of time. We widened the bench in the corridor where Lula and Artik sleep, changing places in order to not sleep directly below the beds of the soldiers. But this is an issue of secondary concern as opposed to the central issue to which we give our attention every minute, that all day and all night, vehicles and tanks are on the move.

Despite the fact that we haven't learned anything from the radio news, we sense that something is going on. It is possible that the Soviet assault has already begun, and perhaps the Germans wish to make one last stand. But I do not want to dwell on political issues. At a time when thousands of people are falling at the front, who would want to consider the fate of eighteen Jews who await liberation?

Military vehicles and tanks went by all through the night. There is no doubt that something is going to happen. But when? This matter literally hangs in the air, but also we live hanging by a hair's breadth. We are physically worn out, but worse than that, we are spiritually worn. Our nerves are taught. It seems to me that one day, one of us will go crazy, and begin to scream. Until now, we have been very lucky that none of us became sick. But now, all sorts of diseases have begun to infect us. Mr. Melman got some kind of skin inflammation. His skin peels off and rolls up entirely in his palm. My mother fell ill to some malady of the demons. My father is suffering from toothaches. All of these problems are due to the absence of spices and vitamins. We are frightened that an itching disease will infect us. What will we do in such a case? Truthfully, there is no place to bathe here, change underwear, or arrange a place to wash clothing.

The Allied forces are moving forward in France. As far as the eastern front goes we are told about the vigorous progress of the Russian forces beside Vitebsk and Jassy, but this is not near our front. In any case, it is closer to us than France.

Sadly, Aleh was required to finally leave us. This happened just today, and we already are feeling her absence. The train workers are on furlough. If Aleh had only stayed, she could have taken her room back from the soldiers and given them the room the train workers used, which was further away from us. Unfortunately, this room will now be used by other unknown soldiers.

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A mood of nervousness and aggravation pervades the inhabitants upstairs. No one laughs. No one sings. Even the radio does not broadcast music. We miss Aleh. It is all as simple as that.

Hans visited her late in the evening before she left. Since he was in the soldiers' room, our pharmacist eavesdropped and heard Hans say that he personally transferred thirty two thousand Jews. Apparently he wanted to brag a little in front of the new soldier, the former S.S. man (who we feared would kill us). Today, these are the faces of cultured Germany. Their men are not ashamed of talking about their murdering thirty-two thousand people, and presenting it as an act of heroism!

The Bolsheviks opened an attack, but it was only the storming of Finland. And so, what did we gain from this? One can anticipate that they will also storm Vitebsk, then perhaps our soldiers here will have to leave and we will be able to keep the floor entry open. This day was the first time that Mr. Beck's sister-in-law came down to us, and Mrs. Beck was with us today. Both of them wondered how we could stand the heat, which saps the remainder of our strength. We leave the window open all night, and only a very little bit of air makes it into the hideout. The window is only ten centimeters square, and the sill takes up five square centimeters of that space. In addition to this limited air space, flowers began to grow under the window and they were in the way of air flowing inside. We can't go to sleep earlier with people above us. The adults do better than us because they walk around only in their underwear, and for us, our dresses stick to our bodies. When I put on a dress, it becomes soaked with sweat, and my hair is wet from sweat.

Today we had a good idea. We carved a hole in the window that was across from our window, and in this way we got a sort of flower breeze, a stream of fresh air going along its path. But we can only open the closed one at night, when there is no fire burning upstairs, otherwise the smoke would cover the whole kitchen.

We still have no word from Aleh, and I am very worried about this. Could she not telegraph? Richard is also nervous about this, and he is trying to convince Mr. Beck to travel to her. Richard cannot even slightly conceive how much Mr. Beck yearns to do this. There is no doubt that Mr. Beck would willingly travel away from here, except that his hands and feet were tied because we are here.

I feel Aleh's absence, especially at such a time as this, because she always succeeded to turn our attention to the things they provided to us by way of the floor entry. She, with her parents, also tried to ease things for us, as much as they were able.

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They know how hot it is down here, and how much we yearn for a drop of air, and they use every opportunity available to open the floor entry.

As I sat in the small corridor today, I heard that the soldiers upstairs left the house. Mrs. Beck went to see if anyone else was remaining in the house. When it was established that no one was left in the house, Mrs. Beck quickly ran to the floor entry and opened it. We know how much energy and nerve it takes to do this! Despite this, her heart is open, and ready to help make it easier for us. Therefore I pray that even if ill tidings await us, at least let no harm befall the Becks.

Wladek brought news that some sort of organization is taking people over to Russia in exchange for one thousand Zlotys for each person. It is nearly certain that this is nothing more than blackmail. After all, Jews cannot come in contact with such an organization, because we cannot show our faces outside.

Aleh sent us a telegram from Częstochowa. We are happy about this as it is safer there than in a big city like Warsaw. The soldiers frequently leave the house, which gives us the opportunity to breathe and revive ourselves somewhat. Today I went upstairs with Lula for the first time in a long time, and we helped Mrs. Beck a little bit with tidying and cleaning the house. I was very pleased that I was able to help her a bit, and the pleasant odor of the fresh air in the house revived us.

Guests visited the Beck family yesterday. Mr. Beck brought Hans with him when he returned home from work, and also the gendarme and officer in charge of the Ukrainian militia. What a perfectly matched group! They do their work exactly as Mr. Beck, who goes to his place of work only to show his face. He leaves behind a substitute and comes home. Generally speaking, he comports himself well, and with wisdom, because as of now, it is dangerous to be out in the streets at night. We feel safer when we know Mr. Beck is in the house. The guests stayed in the soldiers' room until two in the morning, and after they left, Richard came into Beck's room, that is, the room immediately above us, and we heard parts of their discussion. Mr. Beck said that God said in the Ten commandments: ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill.’ Richard replied that during wartime murder is permissible. Mr. Beck really shouldn't have a discussion of this sort, with this young German patriot, who still believes in the victory of Germany, especially since Mr. Beck's opinion is entirely different.

Nevertheless, Richard nicknames our hosts ‘my parents,’ but who would believe the words of a German?

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Once again, the daily news does not report on a subject important to us. Who knows if we will survive until autumn for the liberation to come? And this a time when they set the price for a single Jewish life at one thousand Zlotys, it makes it harder to reach that time.

We face a new complication! The new soldier, Robert, for whom we have the fear of death, moved the sofa he was using to our wall, so that he is literally right on top of us. He does not sleep at night, and keeps busy catching bed bugs. Mrs. Beck offered him the room in which the train workers reside, a clean room. But the soldiers argued that it was not worth it for them to move the telephone to another room because they wouldn't be here for a long time. Let us hope so! They had already packed their belongings, and were ready and able to go. But at the last minute the situation at the front improved, and they remained in the house for about an hour longer. The Germans had invented some new kind of guided missile bomb and they are throwing these bombs at the southern part of England and London. Mr. Beck says that this development encourages the Germans and raises their spirits. Soldiers, who had been walking around since the invasion as if they were poisoned, again raised their heads. The one single event that can save us is an attack from the Soviets and their Allies, but for whatever reason we are not aware of this happening.

The soldiers left the house and vanished for almost the whole day. Accordingly, we were able to listen to the English daily news. The Allies are moving ahead in Normandy and Italy, their troops landed in Finland, and also on the island of Elba. Despite all this, nothing is moving where we are. The Allies are not finished in Finland, and who knows how much time that will take? They are not any closer to where we are. I have reached a state of desperation and I am not interested in continuing to live. I am only interested in the fate of the Beck family. I do not want to reach the point where they would be taken out to be killed because they wanted to save us. Mr. Beck had become very somber in the last few days. It is hard for him to put on a happy face, joke in front of the soldiers, and simultaneously to think how to provide us with food without arousing their attention. Apart from this, he has to use his own money to feed us. The pharmacist cannot cover all of the expense to support seventeen people (only Mrs. Klara pays for herself). The pharmacist gives Mr. Beck seven Zlotys a day for each person, and Mr. Beck adds the rest from his own money. We try to limit our expenses to a minimum, but the expenses for us does add up to a large sum.

Understand the conditions under which we lived. We are still alive because of the generosity of a strange man. I never imagined that I could live this way, nor could I imagine that I could survive for such a long time in such a pit without air. I read in the paper that during the last German air raids on England, the English spent thirty hours in cellars. I calculated that we have been confined thus far in our hideout for more than thirteen thousand hours and we are not yet at the end.

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Tuesday, June 20, 1944

A whole week had gone by since Aleh left, and except for the one telegram, we don't have news from her. I am very worried about her because she took a few dollars with her, and she could be punished for possessing foreign currency. I hope that no one will decide to search Aleh, this young girl, traveling somewhere in order to get employment.

The daily news was not especially good, and there is no news yet about our front. The Germans continue to bomb England with their new bombs. Perhaps when the English get a taste of suffering they will hurry to end the war. I had an opportunity to see our hosts through the floor entry, and they are terribly pressured. Maybe the reason for this is that they don't have news from Aleh, or because of us, or because the end of the war is not yet in sight. They wanted to move the soldiers to the room previously occupied by the train workers, but the soldiers did not agree to this. The soldiers threw out the sofa that was full of bedbugs, and moved the bed from the train workers' room to their room without first asking for permission from Mr. Beck. In short, the soldiers continue to reside directly above us and this is nerve wracking not only for us, but also those who look after our well-being.

The city of Weitberg was captured! Even though this capture took place in Finland and not on our front, it is better than nothing. Perhaps the battles will end in Finland in July and then finally move to fight on our front. What do we do? We must provide our own comfort because otherwise we would literally go crazy. Richard complained to Mr. Beck that things were very bad at the front. This news cheers us, but we stopped having the mental strength to anticipate when the soldiers will leave. They are filling up the whole house with possessions. They put their things in the attic, the cellar, and even go into ‘our’ room, the Beck's bedroom, without even knocking, to see the time on their clock. Fortunately we can detect their footsteps as they wear military boots with iron soles, so when they get into their room we are ready and sitting frozen in our places. It is good that they are taking advantage of the pleasant air outside, and minimally spend their time in the house. This gives us a slight bit of freedom to move around.

The Becks received a telegram from Aleh, and she asked for her Anmeldungs-Karte, identity card, to be sent to her. I do not know what happened to the letter that she sent to her parents. It seems to have been lost in transit because Hans received a letter from her without an address, and in it, she asked him to take her letter away from her parents. So apparently, she wrote a letter, and it was lost and did not reach its destination.

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Thursday, June 22, 1944

Finally, at last, we feel that there are active advances on our front! Perhaps this is also the beginning of an assault! An attack has not yet begun, but at least there is hope that the soldiers will leave the house, which would raise our hope to live peacefully to the end of the war. We did not have a chance to hear the daily news in English but we did hear the German news on the radio. We only needed to stand under the soldiers' room in order to hear the radio. The Germans said that there is strong artillery fire beside Tarnopol and Koval, and they will perhaps know more in detail tomorrow.

A third telegram arrived from Aleh, and she said that her letters were returned to her. It seems that a military mail system (feldpost) was established in Zolkiew that does not work for the citizenry, and regular mail does not get delivered.

Richard tried to establish telephone contact with Aleh, which he could do at his job in the post office. At the time he was calling, I was sitting on the ‘porch’, that is to say in the corridor, because it is a bit cooler there, and when I heard him shout from the street to Mr. Beck: ‘All'ka is on the telephone’, my heart started to beat faster, like a hammer, and I was very moved. I have established that everything that touches upon the Beck family touches upon me as well, as if they were my family. I am happy that they were able to speak with Aleh a bit, and calm down. I try to imagine what happened to her until this phone conversation, because the family news did not reach her, and her letters were returned. Hans does not write to her because he does not know her address. There are German soldiers sitting upstairs in her parent's home, and below, under the floor, are the Jews.

We were disappointed by the daily news. There were only some local battles on our front, and the Russians began an attack on Romania. Once again our hopes were dashed. An attack of this sort on Romania is certain to last a number of weeks, and only after that our turn will come. Every minute is more precious than gold for us.

Another attack began, once again not on our front, but in the surroundings of Vitebsk. According to the reports, everything is proceeding according to plan. The German lines were penetrated, heavy battles are underway, and the Germans themselves admit this in the daily news. The Allies broke through the front-line in Italy and in France, they reached Cherbourg and entered the city. It is only in our location where they don't seem to be in a hurry. It would be good for us if they even just took one soldier from the house and sent him to the front, but it doesn't seem as if there is any intention to do this. The soldiers stay here as if they were in the Garden of Eden, and I have the impression they are not busy with anything. From time-to-time they go out for maneuvers during the day or night, but not more than this. We do not know how many of them are dead, because they are soldiers who are part of the general forces. The soldiers returning from their furloughs are taken off the trains and sent straight to the front. Norbert is supposed to return from his furlough on Sunday, and Richard called him on the telephone to warn him and provide advice on how to avoid falling into a trap. We did not care about this. If Norbert were seized, it would be

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fine for us. As there were already two soldiers in the house, we did not want to be burdened with a third soldier. We did not even have one minute that was free from worry.

We learned that there was some good news! The attacks around Vitebsk succeeded, and the Germans themselves admit that it was necessary to retreat. If this had only happened on our front we would already be liberated. Painfully, the war circumstances changed, and who knows if we will have to suffer until September. They have to move the fronts around to finally reach us. They are moving into Romania and after that, they should start in our area. As understood, they did not take into account the lives of lone people. They are trying hard to move quickly to reach us because they are permitting the Romanian Jews to live. But what is a person's life worth in this war? And who would care that eighteen people are suffering the tortures of Gehenna?

To our great consternation, Norbert returned to our house today. He was received with shouts of joy, so nothing happened to him! I toyed with the hope that they would take him off the train car for the front. In order to aggravate us, he returned to us here, and now the trio of soldiers will reside here. One was occupied with evening maneuvers and he slept during the day. The second works during daylight hours and sleeps during the day. The third is a Gestapo man who suffers from insomnia and he is awake at night and spends every free minute in the house. Norbert unknowingly provides us with some support: he snores at night, and loves to sing during the day until he drowns out the whispered sounds with his singing.

There is a wonderful song that was printed in the paper today. It could have been written especially for us. The author, Leon Kokol, wrote the words for this song in prison.

Just to Continue and to Survive

Time stands on the pillars of a clock,
It is made silent: it doesn't rush, doesn't run – it just runs down.
Something unnamed pollutes my thoughts, and circle about
My insides forget death.
These hours are tiring,
Days without the breath of life
And life wails within us.
I would like to break out to the outside
And from there, to the wide world,
And with a light heart listen to a resonating laugh
And to bestow humor on everything.
How intense, intense would I like to,
But the imperative is to continue and to survive

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Perhaps we too will continue and will survive. Ah, if they would only permit us to continue and to survive.

The daily news is good today, and Mr. Beck is very happy about it. We too are satisfied by the good news and also by the rise in Mr. Beck's spirits.

‘There is no trouble that has no good at the end!’ We were told that Norbert had returned, and his presence actually helps us. He has a genial attitude toward Mr. Beck and his wife. When he learned that Mr. Beck wanted the soldiers to move to the large room, he immediately began to move his belongings there. The most important thing of all, especially to those of us residing in the second hideout (that's what we called the place) is that the soldiers would be moved some distance away from us. Also, Mrs. Beck is planning to travel for several days to visit Aleh, and we will remain alone with Mr. Beck. The house will be abandoned and dead without her, and it would be better for us to be at a slightly farther distance from the soldiers, and not literally under their feet. And perhaps, they too will have to leave soon. The daily news is very good. Vitebsk and Izavelin were captured. This was a typical Soviet attack. When they move, they move quickly.

I saw Hella Orenstein today. I spruced up the house upstairs, and I often looked out the window, in order to see if the soldiers were returning to the house. Suddenly, I saw two girls walking in the street and I recognized one of them as Hella. I wondered how she moves about in such a free manner. Apparently she had endeared her heart and soul to an officer as an Aryan girl. It was pretty clear that she was forlorn, however, because she had lost her father and mother in a tragic and terrifying manner. Outside the air is wonderful in this month of June. My heart is bursting from the pain of seeing people walking about freely in the street, breathing in fresh air, and fearing no one, at the same time that we here are dying of fear, and in every terrifying moment, the danger of death hovers above us.

In general, the daily news is good, but there is no activity on our front. They are getting close to Florence, but that is Italy. They are getting close to Le Havre, but that is France. They are fighting in the streets of Mohilev, and this is 300 kilometers from Zolkiew. Mr. Beck tortures

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himself because of us. Nevertheless, the pharmacist now pays for all of us, but it definitely is not enough, because in addition to the one kilogram of potatoes and twenty five pieces of thin bread, we need five pats of butter, or some grits for the soup. Mr. Beck covers the deficit in all of these outlays, but he is finding it difficult to meet the budget.

Mrs. Beck left to visit Aleh and it is bad to be without her. It is so quiet upstairs, and without movement. Mrs. Manya came, but in order for her to cook, she stayed in the house only until three o'clock. Mrs. Manya is not comparable to Mrs. Beck for us. We want Mrs. Beck to return as quickly as possible, but the trip alone takes three days. Mr. Beck is very nervous about his wife's travel, because if someone leaves on a trip somewhere, it is possible you will not see him return. Apart from this, Mr. Beck cannot leave the house. He senses the problem of leaving us face-to-face with the Germans. He also needs to attend to us and bring us our food and such, and this is more than one person can handle. Fortunately, the soldiers are already in the second room, and the danger of them hearing something has diminished.

The daily news reports the capture of Mogilev, Resz, and Bobruisk. There isn't any news about Tarnopol and Koval.

‘Our’ soldiers dismantled their telephone instrument today, and packed up their belongings, which we hope means that they are preparing to leave. Apparently they expected to leave in the evening, but the authorities delayed their departure until morning. Oh! Would that we not be disappointed again. We wanted to see them out the door. We have had days of constant tension since the month of February. Day-by-day, hour-by-hour we were in a state of alarm as we whispered the information: ‘the soldier just went into the kitchen,’ or ‘the soldier is already seated in his room,’ or ‘the soldier is laying on the couch’, or ‘the soldier shut off the radio and is in the middle of the room’, ‘is he by chance listening and detecting movement?’ We were in a permanent state of fear that the soldiers would detect or sense something that would arouse their suspicion, or that Mr. Beck might err while talking to Richard, because he liked to converse with him about politics. All of this made a shambles of our already collapsed nerves.

Sadly, our gladness was premature. Mr. Beck knocked on the floor entry, and let us know that as of now, the soldiers are staying here. The order to move had been delayed for an hour.

I feel a strange and peculiar pressure in my heart.

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Saturday, July 1, 1944

I had the opportunity today to hear the good news in the daily English report. The city of Slutsk was captured and fighting is going on in Borisov. The Soviet soldiers are only 35 kilometers away from Minsk, and 50 kilometers from Pinsk. They are moving at a dizzying pace, and there is no doubt that they would have reached us in better time, and liberated us, if they were following a path to us, but in any event, we are hoping that perhaps the final end of our travail is near, and we will be freed.

The soldiers are always given information about whatever is the current situation. They did not hook up their telephone anew and they do not stay in the house over the course of the days. They go in and out of the house, over and over and do not utter a sound. Mr. Beck is sure that the soldiers have secret news, but when he tries to ask, they stop talking among themselves, and leave.

What are they likely to know today? Are they prepared to leave the house today or tomorrow, or to stay here for two more weeks? Hans is upstairs. We thought he had come to visit Mr. Beck who no longer leaves the house to go to his office, because he is leery of leaving us alone. Hans has not come for some time. He stopped visiting when Aleh left, but it seems that he comes sometimes out of longing for her. Mrs. Beck telegraphed that she arrived safely. We have become used to her as if she was a member of our family. Her absence leaves us with a terrifying emptiness in our hearts.

The time arrived for us to have an accounting with the pharmacist. As one can hear everything clearly from the place where the pharmacist sits, we became aware that we are alone in the house with Hans and soldiers. Mr. Beck went out to purchase whiskey. This is slightly dangerous, but it seems that Mr. Beck had no choice.

The soldiers say they will leave the house by Tuesday, but who knows for sure what will be. This information is a military secret. Maybe they will receive an order to move, or not. It is not important who will come to visit the Becks in the house. The important thing for us is for the soldiers to leave. We can't be pressured any more about this. In the end, Richard comes into the room above us more frequently than is needed. He enters, stands in the middle of the room and listens as if he is trying to overhear something. Today, for example, when Mr. Beck went to eat lunch at his sister-in-law's, Richard attempted to get into the room, but he found it locked on both sides. What was he looking for there? It appears that in all of this he is suspicious of something.

Mrs. Beck telephoned today and said that she would be returning that evening from her visit to Aleh. We are so pleased that she is coming back; she is like a redeeming angel to us. I can no longer think about living without these precious people. I want to stay by their side even when I am permitted to go free. For the last year and a half they have been our complete world, and I cannot imagine a different world without them.

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Monday, July 3, 1944

I feel that there isn't a grandmother in this world who would be able to tell her grandchildren about her life's experiences in the level of detail that I have provided about living in this hideout. Even the night time overflowed with terror, and our souls were overcome with fear. Matters initially proceeded quietly today. The soldiers went to the theater. One of them came back to the house for a minute and then left again. We went to sleep with our window open and the floor entry was closed. Mr. Beck was upstairs, and the radio was on. In the middle of the night we heard a ringing, but no one opened the door. The ringing stubbornly went on, and then there was a hard knocking on the door, and we heard footsteps in the garden. We recognized the voices of the soldiers. They forgot their keys and couldn't come inside. They began to pound on the windows, but there was no response. We sank into a deep despair. What could have happened to Mr. Beck? Did he fall asleep so soundly? It seems that the knocking and the noise from the outside could arouse a person even from the deepest sleep. Maybe Mr. Beck suddenly came down with a severe illness, maybe he fainted, because he complained today of having a painful headache. We so wanted to help him, but here we were, unable to move from our place and not able to make a sound, or even whisper. The soldiers were walking around in the yard, and the window was open, and they were likely to hear us and uncover our hiding place. We are stuck in an uncomfortable position, and we do not have the ability to help Mr. Beck.

In the end, when it seemed to us that they would break through the door or the windows, Mr. Beck let them come inside. Apparently he had simply fallen asleep and the radio played so loudly that it overwhelmed the sound of the knocking and the voices outside, and he had no sense of what was happening. We slept soundly after this.

We found out that the soldiers were surely leaving tonight. I was astonished today, after hearing what the pharmacist told us, and I don't know how to recover from this information. The pharmacist overheard a conversation between Mr. Beck and Norbert during the first days that the soldiers were billeted in our house.

And this is the story. Hans bragged that he had killed seventy-two Jews with his own hands. The following day Hans shook Norbert's hand after he returned home. The pharmacist heard what Norbert told the Becks when they entered the room. Mr. Beck apparently did not grasp the meaning or did not understand what was said, and sadly he did not react to it.

I am repeating exactly what the pharmacist heard Norbert say. ‘Hans is from the police covered in blood, who murdered seventy two Jews, and he was with me, and he stuck his hand out to me, and left a trail of blood. I have already washed my hands ten times after this.’ After a minute had passed, Norbert addressed Mr. Beck, and said: ‘Merciful father, it is good for me to be with you, and for this reason I do not want to know anything in the house, or to hear any talk of this kind. Father, all is well. I do not pursue races. I also did not turn over Jews in Brody to the authorities.’

Norbert said these things, and we had always taken him as an acolyte of Hitler! How is it possible to be this

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mistaken? Richard was present during this conversation. It may be true that he too knew of our existence, but he did not want to dig deeply into it and reach any conclusions. Now I understand his reaction when the Ukrainian militia people were searching for Jews in our house, and he angrily inquired of Mr. Beck: ‘What do these pigs want here?’ We had such good luck that we stumbled on normal people, for our lives were in their hands. It seems that Mr. Beck did not deeply absorb what Norbert said. We tried for an hour to explain and clarify that the soldiers did not mention this, not even with one word when they parted and traveled away. They left their addresses with Mr. Beck. Who knows? Perhaps we will yet have an opportunity to reward them for this, giving us our lives as a parting gift. May the Heavenly Oversight light their way.

We spent the whole day in the dark because the electricity went out again. Since the soldiers were gone, we were able to turn the night into day. And now, at two o'clock in the morning we are cooking because we are very hungry. It is virtually assured that tomorrow there will be no electricity, and so we have to prepare soup for our meal. Mrs. Beck delayed her departure from Częstochowa for an extra day. We wanted to see her back in the house already, because these are uncertain times, and something could happen suddenly along the way that would cut her off from us.

Aleh would have acted wisely if she had returned here together with her mother. To my great sadness she was busy with her work and could not come home.

We are again sitting in the dark. In the afternoon, as airplanes flew overhead, we heard shooting, and the lights went out. But we are not complaining. Our situation is much easier for us since the Germans who lived above our heads disappeared from the house. We can keep the floor entry open, and we have some light from that, and some light penetrates through the window. We light candles only out of necessity.

We recovered a little after the departure of the soldiers, and so we were able to continue to survive. It was a miracle. We had train workers here, and they left. We had soldiers here, who, it appears, was aware of our existence, and they too left and did not cause anything bad to happen.

But the highest of miracles and wonders is the Beck family, with their good-hearted nature, simplicity, and an understanding of how to win over the hearts of others without them even realizing it. Mrs. Beck related to the soldiers as if she was their mother. When she saw that it was hard for them to get by on the portions they were budgeted for, she gave them other tasty foods and household items they might need. Mr. Beck would invite them for a drink of whisky, and these niceties won them over. Since we have all overcome so much together, we hope that we will succeed going forward.

We did not hear the daily news today. Since the soldiers are gone we can't learn more about what is going on from them. Lvov was bombed again today, and this too demonstrates a change. Perhaps these are the signs that are harbingers of greater attack?

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Wednesday, July 5, 1944

Mrs. Beck arrived in the afternoon. She was supposed to come back the day before last, but there was an air raid on Lvov, and she had to take cover in a refuge, and after that was her time on the train. The whole house was lifted by her arrival. There is movement upstairs once more, even without all of the strangers above. Almost all of Mr. Beck's acquaintances left the city. Aleh feels comfortable and satisfied in Częstochowa. She is working, she finds the city pretty, and she has a pleasant residence with a balcony, a radio and a telephone. She also has someone to help her in the event of trouble. Richard's sister lives not far from Częstochowa and he had asked her to take an interest in Aleh. In a letter to our hosts, Richard promised that for each slice of bread he ate at their house, his sister would take care of Aleh generously. One can see from his words that he was a normal young man.

The daily news was very good. The Soviet armies are moving past Baranovich, Vilna and Minsk. And most importantly, they captured the city of Koval. So then where should they turn after Koval? Forward? Will they speed in the direction to Lvov or will they turn to Lithuanian-Brisk? This matter will get clarified in a few more days.

They bombed Lvov again today, our lights went out, and they came back at noon. The lights went out again at night, and it was dark for about three hours.

We were dealing with another heat wave. Despite the fact that the floor entry is open, the heat inside the hideout reached 27 degrees, celsius. It is difficult for me to even hold a pencil in my hand as I have been weakened by the heat. I am entirely covered in sweat. I fan myself with a piece of a box. Without this ‘fan’ it would be even harder to deal with the heat, but it doesn't really help so much. I feel that I may be affected by the skin growth that I got during the time of the great sweating a year ago. And maybe all of this will end soon? The daily news added more encouragement. We learned that the Soviets are attacking the front between Koval and the bridge across the Dniester, which is near our location. Maybe this is proof that they will soon launch an attack here.

This is the twentieth month that we have been occupying the hideout. This is the twentieth month in which we remain a burden on the Beck family. Several months have gone by during which we don't have money to pay them for our food. We record the amount we owe them in a notebook, while these people endanger their lives for no financial reward. Mr. Beck and his wife inspire me to action. Not only do they bear all of the danger, but they continue to relate to us in a friendly manner, and remain concerned about our ability to get a bit of fresh air. They moved their bedroom to a different room so that two of our people will be able to sit all night upstairs beside the small windows. I swear to myself that if I succeed in getting out free, the first thing I want to do is to try to generously reward

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these people. But it is clearly evident to me that I will not be able to compensate them for my debt to them because one has to pay a ‘life for a life’. I do not wish this sort of life like ours on Mr. Beck and his wife.

Regrettably, I have no possessions, and I will go free missing everything. But I do have an asset, and that is my youth, and I will try to do all that I can, and maybe more, with my own personal work and my own effort on their behalf.

The soldiers returned to our house. A military vehicle stopped along the road by the house and the soldiers requested lodging. We don't have space for new residents, so they can only stay this night.

The heat here is unbearable. The open window doesn't help at all, because the heat outside is debilitating and asphyxiating.

Our ‘alarm device’ broke. Our hosts' dog, Dzik, (wild) would give us a warning with his barking at every stranger who came close to the house. The dog got sick and no longer barks. It appears that someone tried to poison him.

The daily news disappointed us a bit today. Despite the fact that the city of Baranovich was captured, and the rail line from Vilna to Dinburg was cut, the battles in our section of the front are local, only. Despite it all, I do not lose hope that the attack against the central front is finally going to break out with a storm on the city of Lvov.

Two Jews who were apparently hidden by a farmer in the village, were just found. The Jews had left their possessions with an Aryan salesman in the city, as many other Jews had, and they sent their host with a note to the salesman to return these items. The farmer was told to come back the next day to get them, and in the meantime the people left the place where they were hidden. The farmer, who was also dull-witted, had his own idea to keep the things he expected to retrieve. He went to the gendarmerie and informed on the two Jews, saying that they fled with Jewish possessions. The gendarmerie began to investigate the farmer, and locked him up until they extracted all the details from him. What sort of terrifying carelessness was this on the part of these Jews! It appears that they had no alternative but to send the farmer to bring back their belongings. Their money had run out and the farmer could have refused to keep them in his house at no cost.

There was a time when we also wanted to leave and get our possessions we had left hidden with acquaintances. Mr. Beck did not permit us to leave. He suggested that we should just figure out how to manage our lives without our things. Unfortunately matters reached such a point that he paid for everything for us. There are not many noble-spirited people in the world like our Mr. Beck.

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Monday, July 10, 1944

We are sitting in the dark again, and we are forced to burden Mrs. Beck with cooking for eighteen people. Even if we are not using fire to cook or turning on electric lights, the heat is unbearable.

We suffer from the lack of daily news because they silenced the hideout radio. Our life was based upon hearing the news. But if a rumor was circulating in our war front, we would hear about it without the radio.

We received today's paper. We read that the Soviet attacks in the surroundings of Koval, Lutsk and Tarnopol are beyond local scouting forays. Although this information was good, we are not satisfied by it. If the plan was to really start an attack on the road to our location, they would be moving at full speed. Looking at the way they chose to carry out these battles, it seems they want to liberate only a part of the central front. We do not have the strength to suffer any more.

Today was the sixteenth birthday of our unfortunate Manya. This is the second year, the second birthday after her tragic death. Why was there no place for her in this big world? I cannot yet come to grips with the knowledge that she is no longer here. She appears before my eyes all the time, full of life and energy. She would stand by the window for the whole day, as if she was stuck to the blinds while looking outside. She wanted so much to live and attain freedom, and in the end, she could not contain herself and left the house towards her death. And yet, I thought that when I am finally free, I will see her healthy and whole. This painful dream is not real and I cried to myself when I woke up today. I do not want to anger my mother even though she willingly speaks of her. I cannot discuss Manya with my mother, as if I am ashamed that I am alive and Manya is not.

Today was almost a day of fateful reckoning. It looked like there was but one step between us and the trap into which we could fall. Without electricity, darkness pervaded the house; the doorbell did not ring and as a result, a fearful event occurred. Kuba and Artik were cutting wood in the cellar. At the same time, someone knocked on the entrance door. Mr. Beck went to open the door without warning Kuba and Artik. I was sitting in the corridor and heard Mr. Beck talking to a man on the threshold of the house. Kuba and Artik continued working in the cellar as if nothing had happened. Since the bell was not working and could not warn them, the men did not know that there was a stranger upstairs. My heart almost stopped inside of me as I clearly heard footsteps on the stairs. The door opened from the pantry to the kitchen, and I heard the footsteps turning to the corridor. Kuba stepped right into the range of sight. I froze in expectation of what could occur. There is no doubt that if Kuba went from the kitchen into the room, the stranger would see his face! And I sit here helplessly, without a chance to warn him. But this is what happened. Kuba entered

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the room, still unaware of the presence of a stranger nearby, and quietly went downstairs. We had a stroke of luck, literally like in a legend! The visitor was standing on the outside of the door threshold, beside the entrance door, with Mr. Beck at his side. The corridor is very narrow. It is possible to make out a person in the corridor, but it is difficult to clearly identify who it is. When Mr. Beck heard Kuba's footsteps, he did not panic, and he did not turn his head to look behind him. He just proceeded with his discussion with the strange man. Just as Kuba was returning to the hideout, he somehow became aware of what was going on and miraculously avoided an accidental discovery. This is how we were all saved today.

Richard and Norbert wrote a heartfelt letter upon their departure, to Mr. Beck and his wife. It was very nice that they had not forgotten to do this, because in general, soldiers are not concerned with such niceties.

Two nights ago we had another visit from gendarmes. Three of them came to drink whiskey, and there was a Meister with them. We had to deal with yet another aggravation. The house of the Beck family appealed to the Meister so much that he said that he would like to live here. Apparently he didn't think about this seriously, because he already lives in a pretty house on ul. Kolyuba. But who is to know what sort of machinations lie in the heart of such people!

Maybe he wanted simply to test Mrs. Beck? She said in a clear statement that she could only allocate one room to him. But what if he would be satisfied with one room, and decides to move in with us? It would be impossible to live under one roof with a gendarme and sustain ourselves! Sadly, this was the order of the world: when an illness continues for an overly long time, the patient usually dies.

Clouds are gathering from every side. Our difficult situation is very dangerous, and even beyond that, Mr. Beck does not have a penny in his pocket and there is no possibility of selling possessions. We still must eat! We ran out of potatoes. We are sustained only by soup with the addition of twenty-five pieces of bread per individual. But it is necessary to have money, even for this.

The pharmacist gives three-thousand Zlotys to Mr. Beck, but this is not enough. Even as Mr. Beck and his wife have trouble sustaining their own needs, they are also forced to support us. If a gendarme comes to visit, to honor him, Mr. Beck has to provide whiskey; and if he comes frequently, whiskey is expensive! The soldiers do not have enough food in their kits, and one needs to help them as well. Mr. Beck and his wife are exceptionally nervous, and are trying to figure out how they can get money, but they are unable to come up with a solution.

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Sabbath, July 15, 1944

Mr. Beck sent a letter to us in the hideout. He wrote that all the stores of food and wood have been used up. He has nothing to offer except water. ‘Every slice of bread remains stuck in my throat when I eat alone’, he wrote, and knows that we are hungry, ‘because I am a Beck’. I believe with all of my heart that the Becks share our sorrow, that it is tight for them, that they do not have enough to sustain us. Mr. Beck needs five thousand Zlotys to buy new inventory. Only the pharmacist has the wherewithal to give him such a sum of money, and he is in no hurry to do this. We pleaded with him to give money to Mr. Beck. He answered that he has to mull this over. We decided to force him to give money to Beck if he refuses to do so. We will take a bit of the food provisions that Mrs. Beck has for the children, and after that, we will close up the floor entry, and begin to fast. For us, there is no other option anyway, but the pharmacist will want to eat using his money, and in the end, he will be forced to pay for us as well.

Mr. Beck and his wife were forced to provide lodging in their house to four S.S. men. These are important soldiers with black collars. We were already accustomed to a variety of uninvited and unexpected guests of this kind. It is good that they are leaving tomorrow morning.

It appears that there is movement along the entire front. The newspapers say that the German armies retreated as far as Lutsk in the west, and heavy fighting is going on near Kolomyya. An insane amount of movement is felt on the road. The Germans who set out on the way to Sokal, returned, and changed their directions to pass Kamionka. Rumors abound that the Soviets landed an army on the beach and the Germans were forced to return to where they started. It appears that something happened beside Kamionka, and the Germans got an order to return midway.

We don't have a certain idea about the situation. We don't have a radio and so we can't listen to the daily reports. We won't know anything until we hear real shooting. We listen and gather bits and pieces from every sound at night. We hear nothing for an hour. We are living in a state of insane tension. When the front stopped beside Kharkov our hope was boundless. But now that we know that the Soviet armies are 80 kilometers from us, every minute is a victory.

There is heavy fighting in the center front, but I am not moved by this. Liberation will not come about if the Russians penetrate Prussia.

Something has happened but it is so chaotic, we can't make sense of it. Mr. Beck's sister-in-law came to us in the morning, and brought news from Hans that everyone should prepare to leave because the Bolsheviks are already in Sokal. The Ort-Kommando (officer of the city) advised Mr. Beck via messenger,

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that he should immediately pack his belongings. They are setting up barriers and digging pits in the area of the cemetery. Vehicles are going back and forth. It seems that in a short while we will hear gunshots, and we will have the privilege of seeing the end of our suffering. But close to noon, everything quieted down. It became evident that before the city of Sokal was captured, the gendarmerie of the city came to Zolkiew.

It was hard to find food in the city. Despite the fact that the pharmacist finally, in the end, provided the money, we were prevented from preparing food.

Movement began again before nightfall. A ruined shipping carriage went by in the street, a fleet of forty planes appeared in the sky over us, and automobiles sped along, one after another.

The two soldiers who had pleaded with Mr. Beck to stay in his house, and who did sleep here overnight, complained that the cursèd Ivan had burst through the German columns, and therefore they were forced to leave Busk this morning. This was retaliation for the disappointment we had to bear with regard to Sokal. Busk was more important to us because it was clear that they are opening an offensive from this side and can therefore attack Zolkiew within two or three days! I was too frightened to discuss or even think about this, lest I be disappointed, as was the case when the front was near Tarnopol and it looked like they were ready to confront Lvov, but surprisingly, stopped there.

It seemed like Mr. Beck would just collapse. Everyone is fleeing. The ort-kommado gives Mr. Beck an order to pack his belongings, and he does this out of friendship with him. But Beck is unable to move because of us despite the fact that his daughter is on the other side. His steely manner prevailed and he returned to his normal state.

He began to direct preparations under the new conditions that we faced. He looked in storage facilities with personal belongings to try to find food. He cursed to himself as he circled around the whole house. He changed back into being our dear leader, beloved by us like a father, whose imprecations were of no harm. They were a pleasure to our ears, more so than someone else's more suitable words.

Electricity came on for one hour, and then went out again. Despite this, we were able to hear the daily news from England and learned about the capture of Grodno. It did not matter when the news on the radio did not mention our front because we can see what is going on with our own eyes.

The gendarmerie left with such speed that Hans did not even come to say goodbye. All he did was wave to Mr. Beck when the vehicle in which he was fleeing passed our house. The Ukrainian militia and also the lands-kommissar left Zolkiew. We are

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very lucky to finally be rid of them. Rows of transports are traveling back and forth, sanitation vehicles are rushing at a dizzying pace, cannons are deployed on the road. The city of Zolkiew is surrounded by a cannon brigade. All of this indicates that any day, and possibly even within the near hours to come, battles will break out. Will we be disappointed at this time, now, when it is so close? I no longer have patience to remain in the hideout.

We finally heard shooting in the distance through the night. Now we hear the shots very clearly. The front has come closer to us. A support military convoy is on the move all day including tanks, armored vehicles, cannons, and vehicles full of soldiers. Everything is moving in the direction of Lvov. Perhaps they have burst out there like a forcible storm? Perhaps they have attacked?

Four tank soldiers will lodge with us tonight, but because the shooting we hear in the distance is more and more frequent, perhaps they leave in the middle of the night.

Each of us prepares a small package of clothing to wear when needed. Inside the hideout we are unclothed and half-naked. Even if we cannot go very far, at least we will be able to go down into the cellar. Probably the field gendarmerie will not slacken in its attempt to capture Jews.

The ceiling of the cellar is made of cement, and we hope that it will prevent the penetration of bomb fragments. We would have preferred to hide in the cellar of a factory in a refuge built of iron and concrete, but we are likely to run into soldiers there.

Is Aleh in danger? She is undoubtedly terribly aggravated! Who knows for what length of time she will be unable to connect with her parents. It has been some time now that the mail is not working. There is also no administrative function in Zolkiew. If everything proceeds as planned our liberation will come in a few days.

The tank soldiers and senior officers who are here with us, told Mr. Beck that no one should take off their clothing tonight. The situation is dire, and the Bolsheviks are only 9 kilometers from Zolkiew. It is possible to believe them, because we hear the shots very close by.

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Once again, we have military personnel in our house. One officer entered the room that was above the small hideout, and the second room was full of soldiers. Fortunately, they did not commandeer the room right over us, and it was possible to get to the floor entry. Mrs. Beck came to tell us the latest news, that the Soviets are shooting from the ‘white orchard.’ And since the army is along ul. Seruka, and I know that there are Jews hiding with a farmer on that street, I hope they remained in their hideout. If all of this is over in two days they will all hold out. But if this condition stretches out for a long time it is likely that they will be lost. What a big tragedy this would be, to die literally at the last minute, on the eve of liberation!

We did assess what sort of monsters we were accommodating in our house. The officer belongs to the unit that protects the city. He received updates on the situation all night. Above, in the house, is a German military unit, and below the floor, are the Jews! A big laugh!

The soldiers took Mr. & Mrs. Beck's bedroom. Wladek was with them. For us, it was a night in the cellar.

During the entire time, almost without stopping, soldiers came to the officer with new information, and of course, we listened to each one of them. Close to eleven o'clock we became aware that the Bolsheviks had surrounded Lvov, and only the road to Janow was still open. The army was ordered to retreat on this road. The officer told Mrs. Beck that if she wanted to flee, she had to decide right now, because by evening, and the latest in the morning, the Soviets would arrive. Oh, God! We waited such a long time for this moment! No, no, I could not simply believe that I am going to get out of this pit alive and in one piece!

Now only the gunfire threatens us, and we must certainly remain secure in the face of this danger. Mr. Beck and his wife hid in the cellar that was completely covered in cement. Let us be lucky, and able to break through the wall to hide there at the time of need.

In any event, we needed to create such an opening, because the floor entry is covered in sand, and Mr. Beck and his wife got in through a small window in the pantry. They can speak to us only through a small opening in the wall. We are afraid to go down into the basement for an hour, because some German is likely to enter there by happenstance.

Only now I regained my composure after all that had happened, and I can write. But my mind is in chaos and it is hard to collect and arrange my thoughts. So many feelings compete and run through me. On the one hand I am happy, very happy, that I am alive. But there are moments when I ask myself: ‘why am I alive when millions of our brethren have been exterminated?’

[Page 545]

There was a German cannon beside our house. Two grenades pierced our house. One made a hole in the wall, and the second burst through the roof. Mr. Beck and his wife hid in the yard which the soldiers had prepared. The Germans were still in the city so we stayed in the cellar, afraid to move from the place. The Beck family all felt badly, as if we were abandoned like refuse.

We began to doubt whether the city would be captured before the third day, and suddenly, by surprise, Mr. Beck came running towards us with the news that the Soviets had arrived.

The survivors of the ‘Bunker’ living in Israel Standing (êeft to right): Zigo Orlander, Michael Melman, Zuszya Kornberg (Orlander) Igo Melman Sitting: Kuba Patrontacz (Living in Germany), Sabina Patrontacz, Fanya Melman, Mundek Patrontacz

[Page 546]

I am so overcome that I cannot describe what happened to us during this hour. We all hugged and kissed each other. We all cried. Mr. Beck was excited to help, and he began to bring Jews to us who also succeeded in staying alive. Among them were the two Bernstein brothers who had escaped from the Janow camp and hid with Mr. Orenstein.

However, there was no other place in which eighteen people were saved at one time. Our house became a center to which all the rescued people came. There were isolated groups of people who were saved, but nobody exhibited courage as had our Mr. Beck. In every other place in which Jews were hiding, and soldiers came to lodge, the Jews were forced to leave. Only Mr. Beck agreed to hold onto Jews and Germans under the same roof. Our hideout was a relaxed place in comparison to other places. People in the grain fields went into the forests in all seasons, and were compelled to seek food from the village farmers, who frequently killed them or turned them in. A fifteen-year-old girl was killed this way just one week before liberation. I was saved along with my parents. Of the six thousand Jews who lived in Zolkiew before the war, no more than fifty lucky people remained alive. All of them had absolutely nothing: no clothes to wear, no place to sleep, not a penny in their pocket to buy a single thing.

Our feet were very painful and it was difficult to walk because of our lack of movement for so long. We had to sleep in the hideout today even though it seemed to us that every extra hour we spent in the pit, we were further injuring our health.

I spoke with people who saw how our Manya was brought to the police station. First she begged them fervently to release her. Afterwards, she walked silently out, preserving her own dignity.

We heard that in her testimony at the police station, she said that she had fled from Lvov to Zolkiew to get away from danger! She did not want to trap us by revealing our location and showed such courage by doing this. We do not even know where they buried her. Her uncle knew, but he is also not alive. He was seized after he joined a group of partisans.

And why can't Manya be alive with us now? Why can she not be happy and enjoy the bright sun and blue sky? Why should she not enjoy being surrounded by fragrant flowers? And why is the Aunt Ut'ckeh not alive so that she could be a mother to her young infant children?

Why is this, why is this, oh Master of the Universe. Why?

My heart is filled with bitterness to the end.

Going through this diary with its day to day entries is somewhat tedious for the reader, but the totality of it is gripping. At this particular time, in February 2025, when we began to deeply understand the circumstances under which the Israeli hostages survived, there is a distinct parallel to this diary; not seeing daylight, not having enough food, not being able to stand up and walk around, etc., except that the Becks were protectors and not captors and torturers. There are some very powerful emotions expressed here. The author wrote several times that it might have been a release to die earlier and not have to live in an underground bunker for so long, with no end in sight, and under constant fear of being caught, but at the same time, she had a strong desire to live and find some way to repay the Becks for their goodness. The diary can also almost compare to Ann Frank and her circumstances, although more physically comfortable, but in the end, left without a protector such as Mr. Beck.

According to the Yad Vashem website, https://www.yadvashem.org/yv/pdf-drupal/poland.pdf, the Beck family, Walenty & Julia & their daughter Aleksandra Zalewska, were honored with the distinction of Righteous Among the Nations, in 1983.

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